46. You know the fastest way to kill a palmetto bug is with a shoe.
True Floridians Know...
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Buoyant1
Contributor
Ok, we can play THAT game!!!
You know you are from Pennsylvania when:
You have an uncontrollable urge to buy bread and milk when you hear the word "snow."
You say the correct pronunciation LANG-kist-er instead of the mispronounced Lan-CAST-er, and LEB-en-in instead of the equally incorrect Leb-a-NON.
You know the only way to make good fastnachts is to cook them in LARD.
You live within two miles of a plant that makes potato chips, corn chips,pretzels, candy, or ice cream, or that packages turkeys, beans, or bologna.
You can stop along the road to buy fruits, vegetables, or crafts on the "honor system."
You know what REAL pot pie is.
YOUR turkey has "filling," not "stuffing," and most certainly, NOT "dressing."
You know that chicken corn soup from a fire house is the most nearly perfect food on earth.
You say things like, "Outen the lights," "I'm calling off today," and "They're calling for snow."
You've heard of distelfinks and hex signs.
You only buy your beer and soda by the case.
You think the roads in any other state are smooth.
You know the Penn State cheer, and although you've never attended PennState, you are a most obnoxious Penn State fan.
You know what "goin' up" means on a Penn State Home game day (whether you are North, South, East OR West of State College)
Hearing horses clopping down a paved street doesn't bring you to the window to see what's going on outside.
You never see any Confederate Flags, except on the Gettysburg Battlefield.
You prefer Hershey's Chocolate to Godiva.
You consider Pittsburgh to be "out west," and you know the fastest way to Philly is the Turnpike.
School closings due to snow take the radio stations a half an hour to finish, because just about every town has its own school district.
When someone says 1972, you think "Agnes," and when someone says 1979, you think "TMI."
You call sloppy joes "barbecue."
When it snows, they put cinders on the roads instead of sand.
You can give directions to Intercourse with a straight face.
Know that Yuengling is pronounced "Ying-ling," and believe that it really is a premium beer (which comes from growing up on Schlitz and Iron City).
Have the Rolling Rock bottle memorized: "From the glass lined tanks of Old Latrobe, we tender this premium beer for your enjoyment. . . . "
Know that Wilkes-Barre is pronounced "Wilks Berry." (South Florida tech divers take note!)
Can pronounce "Knoebels."
Can pronounce (or spell) "Schuylkill."
Live for summer, when street fairs signal the beginning of funnel cake season.
Have a day off school on the Monday after Thanksgiving, which is the first day of hunting season.
Never have to worry about being stuck in a ditch when it's snowing. -someone in a 4WD pickup with tow chains will be along shortly.
Frequently go "with," e.g., "You going to the market? Mind if I come with?"
Refer to something as "a whole nother," e.g., "That's a whole nother issue."
You know you are from Pennsylvania when:
You have an uncontrollable urge to buy bread and milk when you hear the word "snow."
You say the correct pronunciation LANG-kist-er instead of the mispronounced Lan-CAST-er, and LEB-en-in instead of the equally incorrect Leb-a-NON.
You know the only way to make good fastnachts is to cook them in LARD.
You live within two miles of a plant that makes potato chips, corn chips,pretzels, candy, or ice cream, or that packages turkeys, beans, or bologna.
You can stop along the road to buy fruits, vegetables, or crafts on the "honor system."
You know what REAL pot pie is.
YOUR turkey has "filling," not "stuffing," and most certainly, NOT "dressing."
You know that chicken corn soup from a fire house is the most nearly perfect food on earth.
You say things like, "Outen the lights," "I'm calling off today," and "They're calling for snow."
You've heard of distelfinks and hex signs.
You only buy your beer and soda by the case.
You think the roads in any other state are smooth.
You know the Penn State cheer, and although you've never attended PennState, you are a most obnoxious Penn State fan.
You know what "goin' up" means on a Penn State Home game day (whether you are North, South, East OR West of State College)
Hearing horses clopping down a paved street doesn't bring you to the window to see what's going on outside.
You never see any Confederate Flags, except on the Gettysburg Battlefield.
You prefer Hershey's Chocolate to Godiva.
You consider Pittsburgh to be "out west," and you know the fastest way to Philly is the Turnpike.
School closings due to snow take the radio stations a half an hour to finish, because just about every town has its own school district.
When someone says 1972, you think "Agnes," and when someone says 1979, you think "TMI."
You call sloppy joes "barbecue."
When it snows, they put cinders on the roads instead of sand.
You can give directions to Intercourse with a straight face.
Know that Yuengling is pronounced "Ying-ling," and believe that it really is a premium beer (which comes from growing up on Schlitz and Iron City).
Have the Rolling Rock bottle memorized: "From the glass lined tanks of Old Latrobe, we tender this premium beer for your enjoyment. . . . "
Know that Wilkes-Barre is pronounced "Wilks Berry." (South Florida tech divers take note!)
Can pronounce "Knoebels."
Can pronounce (or spell) "Schuylkill."
Live for summer, when street fairs signal the beginning of funnel cake season.
Have a day off school on the Monday after Thanksgiving, which is the first day of hunting season.
Never have to worry about being stuck in a ditch when it's snowing. -someone in a 4WD pickup with tow chains will be along shortly.
Frequently go "with," e.g., "You going to the market? Mind if I come with?"
Refer to something as "a whole nother," e.g., "That's a whole nother issue."
Watch it there PA Buoy - my lineage landed in PA Dutch Country in 1699 before spreading things out.. I might still have relatives up there who, though pascifits, will...........I have no idea! :lol: Thanks for the Hershy insight 
To slow unlesss your wearing thongs, and I'm not talking butt floss. The fastest is actually with a flick of hand or if your really cool low power air rifle with no pellet and about 4" off the critter... assuming he doesn't fly erraticaly at you or someone else.
Those are the least of your concerns, you should familiarize yourself with this though....
HURRICANE PREPAREDNESS GUIDE
We're entering the heart of hurricane season. Any day now, you're going to turn on the TV and see a weatherperson pointing to some radar blob out in the Atlantic and making two basic meteorological points:
1. There is no need to panic.
2. We could all be killed.
Yes, hurricane season is an exciting time to be in South Florida. If you're new to the area, you're probably wondering what you need to do to prepare for the possibility that we'll get hit by "the big one." The best way to get information on this topic is to ask people who were here during Hurricane Andrew (we're easy to recognize, because we still smell faintly of b.o. mixed with gasoline). Based on our experiences, we recommend that you follow this simple three-step hurricane preparedness plan:
STEP 1. Buy enough food and bottled water to last your family for at least three days.
STEP 2. Put these supplies into your car.
STEP 3. Drive to Nebraska and remain there until Halloween.
Unfortunately, statistics show that most people will not follow this sensible plan. Most people will foolishly stay here in South Florida. If you're one of those people, you'll want to clip out the following useful hurricane information and tuck it away in a safe place so that later on, when a storm is brewing, you will not be able to locate it.
We'll start with one of the most important hurricane preparedness items:
HOMEOWNERS' INSURANCE -- If you own a home, you must have hurricane insurance. Fortunately, this insurance is cheap and easy to get, as long as your home meets two basic requirements: (1) It is reasonably well built, and (2) It is located in Nebraska. Unfortunately, if your home is located in South Florida, or any other area that might actually be hit by a hurricane, most insurance companies would prefer not to sell you hurricane insurance, because then they might be required to pay YOU money, and that is certainly not why they got into the insurance business in the first place. So you'll have to scrounge around for an insurance company, which will charge you an annual premium roughly equal to the replacement value of your house. At any moment, this company can drop you like used dental floss. Since Hurricane Andrew, I have had an estimated 27 different home-insurance companies. This week, I'm covered by the Bob and Big Stan Insurance Company, under a policy which states that, in addition to my premium, both Bob and Big Stan are entitled, on demand, to my kidneys.
SHUTTERS -- Your house should have hurricane shutters on all the windows, all the doors, and -- if it's a major hurricane -- all the toilets. There are several types of shutters, with advantages and disadvantages:
-- Plywood shutters: The advantage is that, because you make them yourself, they're cheap. The disadvantage is that, because you make them yourself, they will fall off.
-- Sheet-metal shutters: The advantage is that these work well, once you get them all up. The disadvantage is that once you get them all up, your hands will be useless bleeding stumps, and it will be December.
-- Roll-down shutters: The advantages are that they're very easy to use, and will definitely protect your house. The disadvantage is that you will have to sell your house to pay for them.
-- "Hurricane-proof" windows: These are the newest wrinkle in hurricane protection: They look like ordinary windows, but they can withstand hurricane winds! You can be sure of this, because the salesman says so. He lives in Nebraska.
"HURRICANE PROOFING" YOUR PROPERTY: As the hurricane approaches, check your yard for movable objects such as barbecue grills, planters, patio furniture, visiting relatives, etc.; you should, as a precaution, throw these items into your swimming pool (if you don't have a swimming pool, you should have one built immediately). Otherwise, the hurricane winds will turn these objects into deadly missiles. (If you happen to have deadly missiles in your yard, don't worry, because the hurricane winds will turn THEM into harmless objects).
EVACUATION ROUTE -- If you live in a low-lying area, you should have an evacuation route planned out. (To determine whether you live in a low-lying area, look at your driver's license; if it says "Florida," you live in a low-lying area.) The purpose of having an evacuation route is to avoid being trapped in your home when a major storm hits. Instead, you will be trapped in a gigantic traffic jam several miles from your home, along with two million other evacuees. So, as a bonus, you will not be lonely.
SUPPLIES: If you don't evacuate, you will need a mess of supplies. Do not buy them now! South Florida tradition requires that you wait until the last possible minute, then go to the supermarket and get into vicious fights with strangers over who gets the last can of Spam. In addition to food and water, you will need the following supplies:
-- 23 Flashlights.
-- At least $167 worth of batteries that turn out, when the power goes out, to be the wrong size for the flashlights.
-- Bleach. (No, I don't know what the bleach is for. NOBODY knows what the bleach is for. But it's traditional, so GET some, dammit!)
-- A 55-gallon drum of underarm deodorant.
-- A big knife that you can strap to your leg. (This will be useless in a hurricane, but it looks cool.)
-- A large quantity of bananas, to placate the monkeys. (Ask anybody who went through Andrew; after the hurricane, there WILL be irate monkeys.)
-- $35,000 in cash or diamonds so that, after the hurricane passes, you can buy a generator from a man with no discernible teeth.
Of course these are just basic precautions. As the hurricane draws near, it is vitally important that you keep abreast of the situation by turning on your television and watching TV reporters in rain slickers stand right next to the ocean and tell you over and over again how vitally important it for everybody to stay the hell away from the ocean.
At that point, if you've prepared all you can, there's frankly nothing left to for you to do but pray. I mean for a really BIG wave.
Hurricane preparedness:
The bleach is for water that inevitably is under boil water notice. Iodine tabs work to but taste...well, like iodine. The best is garbage bags, a 5 gal bucket and some gallon jugs and creating your own clean via osmosis or just outright boiling it over some of the now dead oak that has crushed your neighbors car.
Get the plexiglass or clear shutters.. just as strong with the wavy bit going on and you can watch all the destruction outside before the roof flies off and you've got to hide behind the washer and dryer.
Better than flashlights, the solar lamps for walkways. rechargable lights that illuminate the house! Saves on generator draw to
The bleach is for water that inevitably is under boil water notice. Iodine tabs work to but taste...well, like iodine. The best is garbage bags, a 5 gal bucket and some gallon jugs and creating your own clean via osmosis or just outright boiling it over some of the now dead oak that has crushed your neighbors car.
Get the plexiglass or clear shutters.. just as strong with the wavy bit going on and you can watch all the destruction outside before the roof flies off and you've got to hide behind the washer and dryer.
Better than flashlights, the solar lamps for walkways. rechargable lights that illuminate the house! Saves on generator draw to
DivingPrincessE
Contributor
Oh boy, can't wait!
I'm actually not overly worried about the hurricanes...I mean people live there and survive them on a fairly regular basis, so I don't think I'm necessarily going to die. My mom, on the other hand, is completely freaked out about the whole hurricane thing.
I don't think Nyla Bean is going to like them though, not one bit.
Buoyant1
Contributor
Watch it there PA Buoy - my lineage landed in PA Dutch Country in 1699 before spreading things out.. I might still have relatives up there who, though pascifits, will...........I have no idea! :lol: Thanks for the Hershy insight
To slow unlesss your wearing thongs, and I'm not talking butt floss. The fastest is actually with a flick of hand or if your really cool low power air rifle with no pellet and about 4" off the critter... assuming he doesn't fly erraticaly at you or someone else.
One thing I noticed on my many stops in Florida is that there are MORE PA license plates than any other state! ('splain that one to me Lucy!)
I live within smelling distance of the Hershey factories, but prefer Wilbur chocolates though (from Lititz PA) ...actually there's another one...how many states refer to themselves by their initials? Only "PA" from what I've heard!
A Florida person represents distance as time. Ask how far it is from Altamonte Springs to Miami and you'll hear "about four hours". Orlando to Gainesville is "about two hours". Distance in miles is never mentioned.
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