I remember that question being asked on a boat to receive the deadpan reply:
"Real divers all have long hoses."
Still not quite sure if he was making a joke or not...
Funniest Diving quotes you have heard
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I remember that question being asked on a boat to receive the deadpan reply:
"Real divers all have long hoses."
Still not quite sure if he was making a joke or not...
vinegarbiscuit
Contributor
From my fave dive boat captain in the Keys, as the boat returns to the dive shop's dock:
"I hope yall had a good time today, I know I did (aside to the mate) and thats all that really matters! (Back to the divers on the boat) If you had fun, we want you to go home and tell all your friends and send em down...if you didnt have fun, tell all your enemies, send em down and Ill piss them off too...dont forget the #1 rule in scuba...NO SPEEDOS! The #2 rule...NO SPEEDOS! (pointing directly to the day's offender...and there's always at least one on board) #3 rule...TIP THE CREW!...we went through all your gear and didnt find any cash, people!
"I hope yall had a good time today, I know I did (aside to the mate) and thats all that really matters! (Back to the divers on the boat) If you had fun, we want you to go home and tell all your friends and send em down...if you didnt have fun, tell all your enemies, send em down and Ill piss them off too...dont forget the #1 rule in scuba...NO SPEEDOS! The #2 rule...NO SPEEDOS! (pointing directly to the day's offender...and there's always at least one on board) #3 rule...TIP THE CREW!...we went through all your gear and didnt find any cash, people!
Blazinator
Contributor
Sounds like captain Bob from Horizon Divers. His humor is worth the trip alone. Super awesome crew too - Andy, Andre, Mike and all the rest
vinegarbiscuit
Contributor
That's who I'm talking about!
Without a doubt, one of the most hilarious and unique blokes I have ever encountered. The crew are pretty cool, too...are you a reader of the good Cap'n's "Snappy Banter" blog? If not, let me know, and I'll send you the link - it makes for some of the funniest (and sobering) reading a diver could wish for.
Blazinator
Contributor
Oh yeah - the Snappy Banter blog! Although I wouldn't quite exactly say "good" captain. I haven't read it in a while. Its too addicting to hear life from the perspective of a tourist dive boat captain. For those not familiar with this blog, just stop and think of what a dive captain has heard and experienced in all his colorful years herding noobs . . . One could actually learn quite a bit of very good info, but it may come at a price . . .
I dare ya to post the link . . . in fact I double dog dare ya !!!
I dare ya to post the link . . . in fact I double dog dare ya !!!
Well, these aren't directl;y related to diving but do have relevance to divers visiting my home, Santa Catalina Island, off "Lost" Angeles:
"Is there water all the way around the island?"
"Can one swim or dive under the island to the other side?"
I think it is all part of the dumbing down of America
"Is there water all the way around the island?"
"Can one swim or dive under the island to the other side?"
I think it is all part of the dumbing down of America
The boat captain was giving the standard boat breifing when he told the passengers, "The life vests are in a box at the front of the boat. In case of emergency the crew will ask you to move to the front of the boat and put on a life vest. This is what we call a bow movement."
ems_is_4_me
Guest
divekraz
Contributor
This is a true story.
I was diving in the Caymans about 10yrs ago. I believe it was with Divetech next to the turtle farm. The DM happened to have his left leg missing at the knee. We were all on the boat for about 30 minutes and I was speaking to the DM when a woman in her 30's goes over to the DM and with a straight face asks him, "How will I be able to recognize you underwater, he responded with, either you can look for the one yellow fin I'll be wearing or look for the guy swimming in circles." He did put on a prosthetic before diving but you could clearly see what it was.
I was diving in the Caymans about 10yrs ago. I believe it was with Divetech next to the turtle farm. The DM happened to have his left leg missing at the knee. We were all on the boat for about 30 minutes and I was speaking to the DM when a woman in her 30's goes over to the DM and with a straight face asks him, "How will I be able to recognize you underwater, he responded with, either you can look for the one yellow fin I'll be wearing or look for the guy swimming in circles." He did put on a prosthetic before diving but you could clearly see what it was.
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