Funniest Diving quotes you have heard

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Years ago in Saudi Arabia I used to dive with an Aussie Padi Dive Instructor who had his own Rib, we went out to the Farisan banks most weekends. We had a ball exploring these places only about 4 of us it was dive heaven. One day we were approached by a Bsac dive club to take them out with us. So we took them out and the BSAC guys took control, they had a very formal way of recording there dives and surface intervals. We were more no deeper than 30m on the first dive, an hour and a half plus between dives, no deco dives and long 5m safety stops kinda guys. Very conservative diving as the nearest chamber which might work was in Jedda 6 hours away. Well Paul took exception to the BSAC dive officer recording our every dive in minute details. We dived with redundent computers. So out of badness Paul attached his spare computer to a fishing line and lowered it down to 75m, Then we went diving ( a 15m bimble round a very pretty Reef). After about 50 mins we retrived the dive computer which was an Alladin and was screaming at us about impending death. Surfaced climbed aboard the boat, where we were pounced upon by the Dive Leader for our dive time depth and surface code, Paul throws the Dive computer at him and says " thats what we dived mate". Well the guy went white and started spluttering about putting us on O2 and our impending death. We started laughing and confessed what we had done. At the time I found it funny. I feel really guilty about giving the poor guy such a scare. I now dive a lot with BSAC guys in the UK.
 
Sounds like captain Bob from Horizon Divers. His humor is worth the trip alone. Super awesome crew too - Andy, Andre, Mike and all the rest

I love Capt Bob and crew... this story is one of his so if I screw it up he can call me on it...

They had a group that went out that had some snorklers on it. A young woman in her 20's was onboard and after the divers were in the water she gears up and jumps in for her snorkel. She comes up screaming bloody murder, "Help... HELP!" so Capt Bob goes over and asks her what was wrong.... she replies ..."NO ONE INFORMED ME THAT THERE WOULD BE WILD LIFE ON THIS TRIP."... Capt Bob calmly asked her at what point when she signed up for the trip did she NOT realize that she would be in the Atlantic freakin Ocean.
 
:lol:
 
I kid you not........ "Will you pinch my crotch strap?"

Bear in mind this is Minnesota- Pedestrian asks "What are you doing?" Diver responds "Cleaning Toilets"
 
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Like these?
 
I kid you not........ "Will you pinch my crotch strap?"

Bear in mind this is Minnesota- Pedestrian asks "What are you doing?" Diver responds "Cleaning Toilets"


Oh that on is right up er... down there with one I got asked

"Can you grab my beaver" Reference to the crotch strap on a wetsuit:shakehead:

I am a lady and so was she so :no: but I guess asking a man:eyebrow:
 
Upon asking the new diver (NOT one of my students!) how much weight he needed, he replied, "I think I need 14 lbs., but lets put two extra weights in my BCD pockets, that way if I need more, I can put them on my belt when I get down there". PURE GENIUS!

LMAO... still... after all these years.

The response in my head? "Does this smell like chloroform to you?" kek kek kek
 
Two days ago cruising from one dive site to the next at Bimini...pass a very large shadow.

"Shark! Stop the boat! Everyone in the water! Someone have the camera?"

In the end it turned out to be a very large nurse shark. Oddly disappointing.
 
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