Funniest Diving quotes you have heard

[bowlofpetunias]

And did you notice that you saw the same school of fish over and over? You were probably swimming in circles.

hey I dive that site often enough the fish think I am part of the school

 

[Francois Bertrand]

When you have to spit in the mask: "The greener, the cleaner"

From a briefing: "Don't grab the sharks by the tail, don't put the turtles in the BCD pockets and your fingers into the moray eels. And on the sea shells and corals is not written: "Souvenir From Diving in Thailand"

 

[chrisculina]

One day at the local dive center, a guy walked in. I said hello, and after letting him browse for a minute, I asked if he wanted any help. He said he was looking for equipment for a course, but couldn't find any. As the shop was pretty well stocked, I asked which course he was attending. "Open water diver course", he responded. After trying to show him a couple of BCDs and suits, he told me he wanted the best equipment. I got a list of everything, raised a few eyebrows, and assured I could make him a good offer and have it all in two days. I also told him he might be better off not diving doubles on his open water course. We talked some more about equipment, I was getting more and more worried, and he looked more and more confident. Then he said "The tanks, are they neoprene compatible?". I was like "Huh?". So he repeated the question, this time with a big grin and more confidence - like really enjoying knowing something this peasant selling jacket bcds (me) didn't know. Out of frustration, I grabbed a suit hanging nearby, and said "This is neoprene!". As I said that, it suddenly hit me.. "Oh, you mean nitrox!", and as it hit me, it also came out loud. He got really embarrassed. I should just have assured him that all our equipment was neoprene compatible. Never saw him again. Damn online scuba forums! :crash:

 

[Jonny boy]

Heard on the boat last last weekend.....'I always keep my computer set to at least 26% Nitrox even when diving on air as it more conservative'.........uh-huh

 

[timegan]

Was just finishing a dive at the lighthouse in Tobey....a young couple strolled by Guy asks me "doin a little diving are ya"....Me> quickly..NOPE! Doin some skydiving.....I just really suck at hitting my landings correctly. Then when I said "hereeees your SIGN" ...they both cracked up

 

[bowlofpetunias]

Diver met us as we got to the top of the hill returning from our dive in full gear and soaking wet..
"Did you do a dive?"

"Nope I just sweat a lot when I walk around in this gear!"

 

[mheaster]

A non diver asked me yesterday, "How deep is the ocean where you dive?" I told him it averaged 60-80 feet. He asked if the whole ocean was that deep?


This is the best post ever.
http://www.scubaboard.com/forums/3443054-post47.html

I second the motion on ABSOLUTELY the FUNNIEST post ever!

 

[JonBath]

A good one from an instructor I worked with.

Student: So what happens if we see a shark?
Instructor: Listen, you only need worry about sharks if you see this sign.

He makes a sign by placing the point of his index finger on the palm of his other hand with that hands fingers cupped around it like a cage.

Student: So what does that mean.
Instructor (deadpan): Protect your instructor of course.

The look on the students face was priceless.

 

[chrisculina]

Diver met us as we got to the top of the hill returning from our dive in full gear and soaking wet..
"Did you do a dive?"

"Nope I just sweat a lot when I walk around in this gear!"

I've had the pleasure of responding to the same stupid question: "No, just had a big sneeze!"

 

[Zerovis]

overheard in a dive shop,
while looking at the array of equipment and accessories a girl spots the tank bangers and asks her boyfriend "why do they sell ball gags in a dive shop"