Funniest Diving quotes you have heard

[Gilldiver]

One woman asked a buddy of mine who is a commercial diver what he did for a living. The reply was

" I dress in black rubber, hang metal clips all over my body, and pee on myself."

Same guy when asked where his Octopus was by a DM.

DM: "Where is your Octopus?"
Buddy: "I don't have one."
DM: "What if you run out of air?"
Buddy: "Then we would buddy breath to the surface."
DM: "What if I don't know how to buddy breath with you?"
Buddy: "Then you would die."

 

[Gilldiver]

Unofficial motto of the NYPD Dive Team:

"We Dive in **** and Look for Dead Things."

 

[Trace Malinowski]

While teaching the scuba program at Marywood University, having been a student and lacrosse player, I knew that most of the muscular athletic-looking girls were either on the field hockey or women's lacrosse teams.

During the first pool class, a very muscular and toned girl was in my in-water group of 4 female students. She was having trouble keeping the snorkel in her mouth.

Me: You look like you are having trouble. Is something wrong?

Her: Yeah, I don't like the taste of the snorkel.

Me: Oh, c'mon! You look like the type of girl who has had rubber in her mouth before.

Her eyes popped wide and her mouth dropped at the insult. I started laughing when I realized what I said. When I qualified that I meant she looked like an athlete who was used to having a mouth guard, all the girls and I had a good laugh.

 

[Wayfarer2]

One insta buddy to another
"I am much nicer than I look"

 

[SailNaked]

about half way through OW class a student comes to the surface and begins dumping water in her wet suit at the neck, I asked are you hot? she says "no I don't have enough weight, I am adding water to my suit to help me stay down"

 

[Ed L.]

how does a divers toe get tired? Do you have to take the fins off?

 

[princessaprilia]

...

" I dress in black rubber, hang metal clips all over my body, and pee on myself."

Sounds like a fun guy.

 

[uncleavi]

Before the dive " My Instructor told me if you can learn to dive at the local quarry you can dive anywhere". After the dive "Thank you for saving me, I did not know you guy's had big waves here".

 

[JamesDW]

My dive instructor taugh me what to do when approached by a shark...

1. Get back to back with your buddy
2. Pull out you dive knife
3. Slowly ascend with your buddy, rotating to keep your eye on the shark
4. Once you reach the surface, reach back and stab your buddy in the back of his thigh and swim like hell...

You don't have to swim faster than the shark. Just swim faster than your buddy...

 

[sublime250]

" Is it always this rough? " uttered between upheavals, funny thing was... the seas were like glass-