Why are so many female divers codependent?

[drbill]

Grish... sorry about the horny teenagers. Horny GODs (Grumpy Old Divers) are much more interesting. Sorry, couldn't resist.

Here in SoCal the gender ratio seems to change between summer and winter, most likely due to water temperature. Even my best female buddies dive much colder than I do.

 

[DOkie]

I didn't take the time to read all of the posts here, so my sincerest apologies if I've duplicated someone's answer. I see female divers that are codependent occassionally. Usually it stems from wanting to be involved in something that their significant other enjoys doing and as long as they are a capable diver in the environment they're in, I see nothing wrong with that. It's the reason I got into diving to be honest. My husband of 16 years (we got married very young) found a passion and I wanted to be a part of it. As I've told others before, After 20 years of marriage, it's great to do something together where we don't have to talk to each other (grin). He knows I'm a perfectly capable diver (even today when we were down on a wreck and viz. crapped out to 3" he was secure in my abilities). To this day though, I still pretend to have trouble with my gear occassionally (never anything serious), and if diving on someone else's boat, I make it a point to tell him he's the ONLY one I want handing me my BC. It's the little things. We (as women) have taken away so much of their manhood that it's practically impossible to find a gentleman under the age of 50 who will hold a door for you (unless it's my 15 year old son...). When out with other divers (there are no regular female divers where I'm at), I notice the little things like the guys wanting to help me with my gloves, or watching me make it to the boat as I was the last one off the line. I take these things as compliments, not as them thinking I'm an inferior diver. For lack of better words, being old fashioned, it's kind of nice for a guy to offer to open the pickle jar... My husband still opens the car door for me.

Please don't get me wrong, I think female divers should be able to maintain, set up and put on their own equipment, but I think chivalry is fading fast and I for one hate seeing that happen.

 

[tstormdiver]

Being single & no SO, I don't have never had anyone to set up my gear for me. I've always had to do it myself. I do have to grin when a guy offers to help me with my double LP95's AFTER I've already carried them from my car to the set up tables. I guess since I've always had to do it myself, I just automatically do it. If I'm going to dive them, I'd better be able to handle them otherwise, though if a guy offers to help before I get them to the set up table, I'll accept. :blinking:

 

[Grish]

Grish... sorry about the horny teenagers. Horny GODs (Grumpy Old Divers) are much more interesting. Sorry, couldn't resist.

Here in SoCal the gender ratio seems to change between summer and winter, most likely due to water temperature. Even my best female buddies dive much colder than I do.

I should note that I was the only one on the boat under the age of thirty other than a ten year old boy...just because you aren't a teenager doesn't mean you can't act like one when you get around a girl. The kind-of boyfriend told me later that at one point when i was sleeping in my bikini the crew were literally pointing and whispering to each other and making excuses to walk past and get a closer look at the goods.

Flattering, and somewhat amusing. I'm tough to offend and boys being boys (no matter their age) is hardly something that is going to ruffle my feathers.

 

[Ana]

We (as women) have taken away so much of their manhood that it's practically impossible to find a gentleman under the age of 50 who will hold a door for you (unless it's my 15 year old son...).

Well... isn't this precious?

I know we can't call names here but you are 100%, without a doubt, insane.

We (as women)? excuse me? are you for real? Listen, you may enjoy the "Little lady" treatment, bless your heart. But I can go without it just fine, specially when the "manhood" involved with it includes treating me like I'm a drooling idiot.

Guys can open doors for me all day long, and walk the outside of the sidewalk for miles; however if I respectfully refuse NOT-needed help and he forces himself on me he's crossing lines and I'll be prompt to act on it, forgive me if I don't care about his manhood.

I still pretend to have trouble with my gear occassionally (never anything serious)

shame on you for faking it.

 

[drbill]

Heck, I still hold the door for women... and men and children as well. It's not a gender thing with me, it's just common courtesy... something that certainly is going the way of the Dodo bird these days. Heck, I still help old ladies across the street... most of them went to high school with me.

Grish... I was trying to be funny (obviously you don't know Dr. Bill, he tries that all the time... often without success). Sometimes it is the oldest among my gender that act the most moronic.

 

[almitywife]

........The kind-of boyfriend told me later that at one point when i was sleeping in my bikini the crew were literally pointing and whispering to each other and making excuses to walk past and get a closer look at the goods......

i find that just creepy

Heck, I still hold the door for women... and men and children as well.......

thats because you were raised to have manners


so hubby and i went away last week for a great week of diving - every day i put my gear together but some days i asked hubby to load it up on the truck for me (logistics of getting to the dive site) i asked him not because im co-dependant or unable to, i asked him because i was being a lazy sod and i knew he would be a gentleman enough to do it

cheers

 

[Sas]

Well... isn't this precious?

I know we can't call names here but you are 100%, without a doubt, insane.

We (as women)? excuse me? are you for real? Listen, you may enjoy the "Little lady" treatment, bless your heart. But I can go without it just fine, specially when the "manhood" involved with it includes treating me like I'm a drooling idiot.

Guys can open doors for me all day long, and walk the outside of the sidewalk for miles; however if I respectfully refuse NOT-needed help and he forces himself on me he's crossing lines and I'll be prompt to act on it, forgive me if I don't care about his manhood.


shame on you for faking it.

Well said!

How are 'we women' taking away the manhood of men??? And what exactly do you mean by 'manhood'?

And as far as chivalry goes, both men AND women should be helping each other out regardless of gender. I will hold the door open for anybody I see, it is just polite, and I don't think it is something that men should only do. Same with any other so called chivalric act. I help guys load their tanks on the boat for example and I am lucky I dive with people who do not treat me ANY differently because of my gender - I get the same treatment as my male buddy. Like, if I am closest to the tanks then I carry them and if I notice anybody struggling with their kit, male or female, I will give them a hand.

 

[kneptoon]

it is easy to fall into these roles. The male diver being authoritative and the female relying on "help". There will be a situation, sooner or later, when the female diver will have to rely on their own personal knowledge and abilities. If the male diver intrudes themselves continually as the problem solver it makes it so much more difficult for the female diver to take responsibility for themselves when a problem occurs. I think the sooner a man can treat their female partner as a self responsible buddy the better and safer it is for everyone. You do nobody a favor by taking responsibility for them.

 

[tstormdiver]

In my first & so far only OOA situation was when I was diving with the wife of a normal diving buddy of mine. She had been out of the water for almost a year due to pregnancy & recovery from the birth. He wanted to do a deep (cold water) dive, so I decided that I would do a shallow, warm water dive with her to let her get her bearings back. He is rather outspoken (sometimes way too much, but I always took it with a grain of salt) & she was quiet & meek & would not speak up. He set up her gear & somehow managed to give her a nearly empty tank. I'm assuming that neither he nor she checked her pressure gauge . As her buddy, I take responsibility also for not doing a thorough enough buddy check before the dive (hind sight is always 20/20. We had only been on the dive for less than 5 min. when she swam up to me giving me the OOA signal. I gave her my primary, took the back up & we headed for the surface. Pretty text book OOA situation. Once at the surface, she was still a little shook up, so I towed her back to the shore. Needless to say, the husband felt terrible when he found out what happened. I will say on my part, it has made me a more alert & attentive buddy- lesson learned. When your life is on the line, always double check or do it yourself & also double check!