Why are so many female divers codependent?

[miss_scuba]

SoloLady! I loved your story about that dive you did with the girls. Could you possibly write me a longer version of that, so I could add it to our Miss Scuba website to the journeys?

I agree on the air and navigation! When I dive with my GFs, our dives last twice as long as co-ed dives do.

 

[smw]

Wow! I just read the WHOLE thread. What a bunch of interesting issues!

I wouldn't expect my husband to haul my gear no more than I'd want to haul his! I figure equal rights = equal responsibility. I do have a touch of arthritis though and don't mind if the "nice man" or the "nice woman" does it. You know the "nice man" or "nice woman"... s/he's the one who hauls your gear and points out cool things underwater. S/he also is a wonderful back up in case you have a problem.

I'm fortunate because I'd wanted to dive all my life, but I could only afford one expensive hobby at a time. When I finally sold the hot air balloon, my husband suggested that we start diving. It has been SO COOL! We have a blast. He doesn't mind if I take off and dive with my best gf. (How could he? She introduced us.) He actually gave me a trip to Roatan with my best friend for Christmas! And I don't mind if he goes to the car show for a week with the guys. Basically, we just work it all out as it comes.

The best thing about diving with my hubby is that I know it's something we can do well into retirement.

I figure whatever works for other people is fine. On the other hand, I would like to encourage any woman to be independent, because she never knows if she's going to be on her own at some point. My Mom said that it's best not to NEED your SO, but WANT your SO. (She obviously doesn't dive - LOL) And by the way she is REALLY unhappy with me right now because we are going to Cabo this week and I told her that I was hoping to see hammerheads at Gordo Banks and she just watched shark week and well - she's not happy.

Anyway, I loved reading all your posts. So many of you have such fascinating lives! I’m so impressed with your skills and abilities. I’m looking forward to keeping up with this forum.

SMW

 

[TishaDee]

I've just put this to my wife.
I'm glad she doesn't fit thru a wireless connection,cause she believes.that IF you can't set up your own gear or need any help.YOU SHOULD NOT BE DIVING.I do agree with her on this.
During scuba classes it is NOT allowed to help,with the set up of gear.if you're beoynd OW and still can't do it.go play ping pong or something like it.

I'd have to agree with 300Bar on this one. If you can't setup, take down and don your own gear, then you best not be diving. Afterall, if you can't do those basics, then what's to say you'd be able to handle an emergency.

Now as far as the whole women being co-dependent thing. I have yet to meet a women who was co-dependent and being dragged thru scuba. Although, my husband tells me about them being on the dive boats he works on and how they make a lot of mistakes as divers, so I know they are out there and are a danger to themselves and their buddy.

I was certified in 2000 all by my lonesome, without any prompting. In fact I was single at the time and just wanted to finish a child hood dream of becoming a diver. When I met my husband in 2005, I insisted that he get certified before we travelled around the world together. No sense in wasting good diving opportunties right? Anyway, lucky for me he was not only up for it but has also always wanted to be a diver. So it wasn't hard to convince him.

As far as diving goes, I pride myself on being completely self sufficient. I don't need anyones help getting in, out of or cleaning and maintaing my gear. I carry my own tanks, although I must admit that I do like it when he does it for me. It's a special form of chivalry if you ask me and this married women takes it what she can get it.

I pick out all of my own gear (although my husband and I always seem to have similiar taste) and I tend to push the envelope more then he does when it comes to animal encounters and a desire to do more technical diving. Now I realize that I might not be the norm here, but I believe being self sufficient is the best preparation for when things go wrong.

As far as I'm concerned, my buddy is just an extra layer of protection when bad situations arise. I go into every dive with the mindset of being a solo diver (only as it pertains to me though). Naturally, I would put my own life on the line to save my buddies or anyone elses for that matter. But when it comes to problems with me, my motto is to be self sufficient. So that if and when a problem arises, I can deal with it on my own and not put my buddies life at risk or any undue stress on him that could worsen an already bad situation.

My husband and I have extensive talks about all of the what if's and what would we do if such and such happened and while we can never be fully prepared for everthing that might happen. I feel very comfortable in knowing what I can expect from him and what he can expect from me in any given situation. It's IMHO that if every diver held themselves to this standard of self sufficiency there would be a lot loss diver accidents in the world.

I always tell my husband that if god forbid, we were to ever divorce, I would probably end up a solo diver, because I just don't trust anyone like I trust myself. There's very few people in this world, I would trust with my life and only 3 of them are divers. Nuff said.

 

[isobel9]

Hi,
I am a rescue diver about to go the pro route. To be honest, I get annoyed when the guys on the boat help me lift my weights or help me put on my BC and tank w/o asking my permission first. I can do it my self, for goodness sakes! However, instead of going into fits of rage, even though I want to, I take a deep breath, tell them "thanks for the help" and hop into the water. If ever I am asked if I need help when I do not need it I kindly tell them, "Thanks but I've got it." A lot of women believe they are not strong enough to do this on their own, and that may be true right now, but if you continue to let other people lift your tank and weights and assemble your equipment for you then you will NEVER be able to do it.

And, being a rescue diver I must say, I wouldn't trust a buddy who was incapable of disassembling my gear in water.

 

[scubastaci]

The reason why I got into diving was because of my husband. He went once with a friend and became addicted. So, he signed us up to get certified. He was the one that did not want to take the class by himself. I love it. He loves it. It gives us something else that we can talk about besides kids and bills. Now, I carry my own gear bag(his is on wheels), I set up my own system, and I get in by myself. At present, I do not have a female dive buddy to go with. Of course, all of my diving is done at the nearest body of water which is a man made lake. low vis, but relaxing none the less.
I do have plans to save up and do a women's only retreat somewhere and dive. Might be a nice change of pace.
I am an outdoors person. I hunt, fish, and hike. All of that I am completely comfortable and capable to be on my own.
But, I do feel that there are a lot of air heads out there that do things that they don't want to just to make HIM happy.

 

[TheRedDuke]

I'm glad you're addressing the issue, but it contains some of the cultural assumptions you are trying to do away with!

--sorry, but I'm the mechanical one in the house, not my boyf. Just comes more naturally to me. I fix the doors, the a/c, the drill itself!
--I'm the adventurous one, he's the conservative--I don't know where you get the "Women have a natural tendency to be more conservative than men." That sounds like crazy talk to me. Just pulled out of nowhere.
--"but honestly there are some women who are just too vain/high maintenance for scuba" Are there not men like this, too? And if there are women who don't want to be seen in a wetsuit, whose fault is that? And where did you get this information?

I do appreciate your solutions to the issues. I like the gender separation idea. Although I love doing things with my boyf. and would miss him learning it with me. We make such a good team! (Also, sometimes I need protection because I tend to take too many risks.)

 

[rogngirls]

In response to the lady talking about females setting up thier own gear, I am taking my 2 girls down to learn so we call all go. Even though I am a very over protective father, as most are, I fully plan on making them maintain and set up thier own gear. I will assist them the first few times and make sure they are set before I let them get into the water, but they are going to be doing all the setup and what have you with thier own stuff!! I think it will better benefit them in the future to learn to handle thier own gear or work together with minimal oversite (even tho I will probably be watching them like a hawk..just dont tell them!! )

 

[Rangerwolf]

Interesting debate, and I am working on saving and setting up to take a whole new course since I have not been diving in 20 years, though I had about 24 dives under my belt when I was a college kid in Tampa. I took the course on my own, set up my own gear, and had a great class of folks from college students to professional folks taught by a a wonderful instructor, Ed. He and his team were great, and they taught me well.

I am 47 now, and working on getting my butt back in shape with Weight Watchers, my mountain bike, elliptical trainer and BowFlex. It means I really get to workout due to my crazy hours during my park's busy season. I used to be fierce about doing stuff myself, but now if someone wants to help me with my tank if I need it, cool.

I will help them with theirs! As for being dependent, since I am not partnered off, I will do as I did in college. Keep track of myself and whoever will be my assigned dive partner. Teamwork to me is the key, and I would be happy with a smart partner, male or female.

I admit it is disturbing to me that some women have not learned the importance of understanding their gear, the type of diving they are doing, and why they should be equal to their partners, male or female. What if something happens to the man? What if she has to rescue her husband, boyfriend, buddy, and has not clue how to do so?

Ed Uditis had a simple rule: Divers male or female must understand the science of diving, the risks involved, show they understood their gear and respected their partner, assigned or otherwise, not to mention being able to haul your gear a quarter mile to show you were fit. Ed had been a professional hardhat diver who had seen what happens when folks become stupid, and he vowed his students would understand the sport they choice did not become their end due to lack of training.

Though I have not dived in years, I do tons of snorkeling on my own, since my schedule is crazy, and the first few groups I met where a bit...odd. I remember one club leader that told me he would take on a dive waaaay beyond my skill set. I declined since the learning curve could be a fatal one.

I also had a comprehensive scientific diving class that built on my training, so I was not without some good skills. I got a A for the balance of the course, though my sense of direction was akin to Chirs Columbus...

Rangerwolf:walksmil:

 

[suzyp]

It seems to me that this discussion is more about whether many of the women involved in SCUBA are really interested in it, rather than who can carry, set up or buy their own gear. Maybe a lot of women just aren't really interested in SCUBA. Maybe we need to examine why that is the case. Could it be that everything seems so technical? Could it be that it seems so dangerous? I don't know the answer to this.

 

[AMYBAMEY]

Posted via Mobile Device[/ Wow..great to read all this.. I have always felt the same. I also am recently divorced and got into Diving when I realized my marriage was falling apart-And I was tired of of compromising the things that were important to me. It had always been a dream of mine and I finally got the courage to "Just Do It" and instatnly fell in love with it. I do feel more confident diving when I learn,research and do it myself. My instructors always made me do it all on my own no matter what. It was always incouraged !! I do have to admit that I always dove better and was more relaxed without my spouse as a dive buddy-( yes,I was the one who always did the care taking & worrying with my ex..(especially the navigation) - as he was not a natural in the water or at diving!! I don't want to rant but, It was very liberating to do it all on my own.. especially during a divorce! SAFE and HAPPY DIVING ....