Why are so many female divers codependent?

[Caribbean Spring]

Women excel at machines like microwaves, ATM's, stick shift cars, and electronic devices. Women also excel at performing information-intense tasks methodically, like recipes, fare card machines, and health care visits. Maybe they need to be reminded that understanding and setting up scuba gear is well within their abilities, and that it is not codependent to let a stronger person carry a tank.

If you don't know how to set up your gear and check it, you are not ready to be diving. If you are willing to let someone else assume responsibility for your gear, you are gambling, really. Set up your own gear, and you and your buddy do a check of each other's.

 

[rainbowtrout22]

My first dive boat experience proved...enlightening. I thought diving was supposed to be 60/40! There were 17 men and 2 women (incl me), one of whom flipped out and couldn't do the dive.

One man kept offering to help me around the boat (???). I mean, I've been on boats since I was 5 or so, and I don't see how being female would effect my boat moving around skills, but okaaaaay. Another man--after I set up my gear AND husband's gear, and stowed my tank (but was waiting for husband to resolve a gear prob with his tank), asked if I was standing there hanging on to his gear because I couldn't lift it...

Assorted men kept handing me things, offering to help, etc. Which is fine, if odd, when I have all my gear off, but downright *dangerous* when I have it on and know what I am doing. At one point the dive master had to actually pull back a man from trying to "help" me off the dive ladder. If I had grabbed the idiot's hand and the boat had rocked, there's a nonzero chance we would have both flipped back into the water.

What I can say is that, while mildly irritating, they were not "icky" about it. There's a difference in feel between men who are consciously being asshats and men who are just trying to help, if misguidedly.

 

[manda100]

As far as diving goes, I pride myself on being completely self sufficient. I don't need anyones help getting in, out of or cleaning and maintaing my gear. I carry my own tanks, although I must admit that I do like it when he does it for me. It's a special form of chivalry if you ask me and this married women takes it what she can get it.
quote from TishaDee

I feel the same about the chivalry factor it's one of the few times my husband actually does anything without being asked. I do draw the line at setting up my gear that has to be done by me,Im very picky about my gear set up.I also belive you should know about the equipment and how to set it up and use it before diving.


As far as I'm concerned, my buddy is just an extra layer of protection when bad situations arise. I go into every dive with the mindset of being a solo diver (only as it pertains to me though). Naturally, I would put my own life on the line to save my buddies or anyone elses for that matter. But when it comes to problems with me, my motto is to be self sufficient. So that if and when a problem arises, I can deal with it on my own and not put my buddies life at risk or any undue stress on him that could worsen an already bad situation.Quote from TishaDee


Also in agreement, If I mess up I don't want to cause any injury to anyone,but I
would always help anyone I see in distress.


My husband and I have extensive talks about all of the what if's and what would we do if such and such happened and while we can never be fully prepared for everthing that might happen. I feel very comfortable in knowing what I can expect from him and what he can expect from me in any given situation. It's IMHO that if every diver held themselves to this standard of self sufficiency there would be a lot loss diver accidents in the world.Quote from TishaDee


Very true, It would be nice if more people planned for and know that there can be what if's in life and in diving.

 

[Louie]

Ask the question:

"Why are so many WOMEN codependent?"

 

[Ana]

I've seen strong men rely on wormy looking instructors. Sure they carry their own tanks and set up their own gear but at the end of the dive ask the instructor: "so how long was this dive?" ...as they fill up their logs.
I've also seen strong men keep their mouth close when a DM/deck_hand asks them to buddy up with some idiot, then mumble under their breath with discontent.

The women I see diving are usually very secure of themselves and very capable, either that or the other extreme.
The other extreme are someone's wife/girlfriend/SO no true identity, just Bubba's girl. The ones that are someone's SO are just that... doesn't matter if they are diving or at the restaurant letting their SO decide what they are going to eat or drink.

I doubt these "codependent" women are found diving without their significant other.

 

[HatchetJoe]

Just accept the fact that things are that way, sort of there is more that one of them they need company to go to the head.

 

[Fossilbabe]

I will tell you when I was married my husband set up my gear for me. Its not that I didnt know how to do but it was because he wanted to make sure for himself it was right! I wanted to do it myself but he told me for he wanted to do it for himself because he knew I would be safe. Now my husband is quite aware of my knowledge back then. I took a few year break from diving and now I'm back. I dont let just any one set up my gear and I always check it if someone else as set it up for me (dive charters) I know how he felt back then, and I now understand what he was saying (ten years later). My favorite story to tell about him was one night he said good nite to me and I was his little barbie doll. This moved me so much I said to him really honey am I really your little barbie doll. His reply: was no sometime your my GI joe but I didnt want to say that. So he as well knew I was able to put my gear together myself but sometimes men feel that are being gentlemen? Really not sure! Ladies you need to make sure you know how to put your gear together. It will make you feel better about your diving and skill level.

 

[divingyogini]

I put my own gear together but my husband maintains it. That's because I take care our bicycles. We divide and conquer.

I will admit the first time I dove outside of a class with someone besides by OWSI husband as a partner it was a hurdle, but it boosted my confidence tremendously.

I think a lot of women take a class from an instructor who intimidates them into feeling they are incompetent. They get started on the wrong foot with the gear and are too embarrassed to ask questions later. Also, there are different learning styles and some women (myself being one of them) need more time and practice with gear-related things. But the problem is that so many open water instructors are basically making minimum wage for their classes, and the open water classes are so labor-intensive that they don't have the time to work with people who need extra help.

There's a reason that all-girl classes, such as the ones GirlDiver does, are popular.

The dive industry still has a ways to go with viewing women as equally competent divers; just look at the advertisements of women zipping down their wet suit to realize the perception some people have (or at least are trying to portray) of women's role in diving. That being said, I have taken classes from men who totally treated me with respect, for which I am grateful.

 

[drbill]

Unless there were a medical or similar issue, I would be much less likely to dive with a woman who cannot deal with their own gear set-up. Fortunately that is rarely an issue. However, if she is a summa cum laude graduate with an advanced degree, a great personality, a cute face and legs to die for... I'll make exceptions.

Almost all my female buddies are instructors. I love them because they carry MY tank... er, I mean because their SAC rates are comparable to mine.

 

[Grish]

My first dive boat experience proved...enlightening. I thought diving was supposed to be 60/40! There were 17 men and 2 women (incl me), one of whom flipped out and couldn't do the dive.

One man kept offering to help me around the boat (???). I mean, I've been on boats since I was 5 or so, and I don't see how being female would effect my boat moving around skills, but okaaaaay. Another man--after I set up my gear AND husband's gear, and stowed my tank (but was waiting for husband to resolve a gear prob with his tank), asked if I was standing there hanging on to his gear because I couldn't lift it...

Assorted men kept handing me things, offering to help, etc. Which is fine, if odd, when I have all my gear off, but downright *dangerous* when I have it on and know what I am doing. At one point the dive master had to actually pull back a man from trying to "help" me off the dive ladder. If I had grabbed the idiot's hand and the boat had rocked, there's a nonzero chance we would have both flipped back into the water.

What I can say is that, while mildly irritating, they were not "icky" about it. There's a difference in feel between men who are consciously being asshats and men who are just trying to help, if misguidedly.

*snort*

The boat I was on last weekend had 17 men, me, a girl friend of mine, and an old woman. No one acts condescending towards me, but they definitely act like a bunch of horny teenagers. My experience has generally been that it's about 4-1 on the boats I've been on.