Why are so many female divers codependent?

[Cacia]

Funny thing is that the ones for whom diving IS a passion already, don't seem to be interested. Sigh.
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...that's because you "let" them carry your tanks and weights. I think you should try carrying theirs and take them to the Busy Bee. ---Let's turn this story around!

 

[TSandM]

The girl's school comment rung a bell for me. I just did a "Cave 1 redux", diving as the partner of a woman friend who was going through a reeval. Her husband was to have dived with her, but it turned out he was otherwise occupied.

The whole dynamic was so different . . . When I did Cave 1, I was always busting my butt to make sure I kept up and was never seen as dependent or incapable. I carried my gear, I carried tanks, I asked for the bare minimum of help I had to have.

Diving with my woman friend, we both relaxed and helped each OTHER. We never carried anything alone if it was heavy. We waited for one another at the water's edge, in case somebody needed a little assist up the ladder. I felt no need to prove anything, and it was really relaxing.

 

[Sas]

TSandM, I was kind of the same. When I was first diving I carried all my gear and would put it on myself and never ask for help with anything, partly because I didn't want to be seen as dependent or weak. I have studied and worked in very male dominated areas so I find women have to go a lot further there to prove themselves so I guess that was the attitude I took into diving.

But yea, now I've relaxed a bit more and have a regular diving buddy, I get (and give as well ) help whenever I can. No sense in doing some kind of weird turtle dance to get my tank on my back if someone can help me lift it

 

[MeiLing]

In our culture, women are predominantly taught that, when around men, we turn into simpering and helpless females (part of the "10 Rules"--they're stupid IMO but they work).

Must be why I had such a hard time finding a man! I was never taught to be simpering and helpless! Dad raised us all to be all so independent, we were ready to jump out of the nest long before he was ready to let us go!

 

[drbill]

...that's because you "let" them carry your tanks and weights. I think you should try carrying theirs and take them to the Busy Bee. ---Let's turn this story around!

Ha, Catherine... obviously it's been a while since you've been to the Busy Bee. I wouldn't think of taking anyone there.

 

[MissyP]

During scuba classes it is NOT allowed to help,with the set up of gear.if you're beoynd OW and still can't do it.go play ping pong or something like it.

Gotta agree here.. I prefer to handle my own gear... and the guys in my IDC class are always trying to lend a hand ~ I know its the "gentlemanly" thing to do, but it bugs me.. Please don't touch my gear! :no

My exception is tech diving-- those rigs can get heavy, especially after a long dive- and trying to heave a set of dubs into a rib sucks...for anyone! There's nothing wrong with a helping hand when needed, but as far as dependence in putting your gear together~ beyond OW anyway, well thats really not acceptable unless you have some physical issue that you CANT do it yourself...

 

[Teamcasa]

Ha, Catherine... obviously it's been a while since you've been to the Busy Bee. I wouldn't think of taking anyone there.

We had luch at the Busy Bee last Saturday, harbor view seating, the food, cervesa and service were great! Is there something I should know?

 

[fairybasslet]

What I would really like to know is why some married female divers traveling alone on a trip have affairs with single men? And why does that single man hook up with her when there are a few single female divers on that same trip, equally as attractive?

 

[almitywife]

What I would really like to know is why some married female divers traveling alone on a trip have affairs with single men?.....

:11:

not going to say all women who holiday without their partners are seeking an affair but i got married so i have someone to share my life with - including holidays. so i cant imaging going on a holiday without him. and if it was a dive trip, he would be coming with me whether i wanted him there or not

...And why does that single man hook up with her when there are a few single female divers on that same trip, equally as attractive?

maybe because he guesses she is not after a relationship but some short term fun that he can walk away from

 

[drbill]

Dave, if you survived this long afterwards you're probably fine. Just teasing.

A few years ago I had an experience of possible interest in this discussion. She was Chinese, but had lived in Tokyo for about a decade. We met on a SCUBA-related board and developed a potential romantic interest. On our first few dives together here off Catalina, I tried to do what I felt was the considerate thing and ask her what dive profile she wanted to do. She got extremely frustrated whenever I asked, so I stopped doing so.

Later I was talking with my female housemate about it and why my dive buddy always got frustrated when I deferred to her regarding our dive plan. My housemate responded that she thought she was expecting me to take the lead and direct our dives. She was looking for someone to follow, not give her options. I found it very strange since my dive buddy was a very proficient diver herself.