Why are so many female divers codependent?

[Teamcasa]

...Teamcasa sounds like more fun.

No question about it!

 

[scubasheree]

Hello, I am new to this board....I have been in my wet suit for a little over two years...I LOVE IT! as for the question....
I can see both points...I am the pres. of our local dive club...we have some members that have back issues..they need "surface" help. But I have seen some folks in class and at different sites that are as described above...so dependent that it concerns me. I dive with My husband, my friends, and club members, being male or female. I set up and check and carry my own gear. I have been places where the guys just help naturally and at first it ticked me off, then I realized it was just natural for them to do so. After a while they usually figure out, that I don't need the help, BUT on one occasion at a quarry not too far from home...I had an injury from my job, my knee...it was in a brace, the brace not being so visible...see as I already had my suit on...I needed help with my tank...guess what, "the guys" were so used to me doing my own thing...they forgot about my knee...so they headed down the hill....as I tried to walk with it on my back I realized...naw this aint happening so fast...finally my sweet but sometimes forgetful husband remembered my knee...he ran up the hill...now out of breath and assisted me with the gear. I had mixed feelings at that moment about my independence and my gear. But over all, I still prefer to do it myself...I can't blame someone else for something I didn't check myself.

 

[poety]

I think I'd be codependent if I had someone to be codependent on - sorry the gear gets heavy!

 

[ZenDiver.3D]

At the end of the day, there is a difference between helping each other out and being dependent upon another. Dependence means that you would be unable to do this on your own and must have someone else do it for you. And yes, we do know a number of our ovary-toting divers who are like that. Thank God it's not the norm...
I am Very capable of carrying and lifting all of my equipment and gear. But, when a gentleman offers a hand lifting my twins or even my single, I say,"Thanks darlin'" and let him. In reverse, I will give him his boost to lift his gear on, right back. I would never offer to set up his gear for him and I never let anyone set up mine. It's my life, not theirs. But being a good dive buddy or even a helpful other diver on the boat, is different than being a dependent diver. It's called teamwork. We sometimes, as chicks....., go too far to prove our independence. You are not threatening my independence when you open my door for me, help lift my tanks and pass over my gear, offer me your jacket, say "ma'am" to me ( I am southern after all), or give me a drink before you get your own. You are being a gentleman. There are far too few of you, and I intend to cultivate that trait as often as possible. But I usually lead the dive. Hey, you get to watch my butt as I swim. I dive warm water, no wetsuit. Bonus for you.... Everybody's happy.

 

[Ravzie]

Last dive trip I went on was without my (non-diving) spouse. I needed a break (work was driving me insane) - the opportunity arose for a dive trip to Cozumel at a time my spouse wasn't able to go - so I took the opportunity. My preference is to travel together - but each of us is also capable of traveling alone and does so occasionally.

Far healthier attitude (IMHO) than another couple I know in which the wife who mopes around and takes out her lack of a life on everyone around her because she can't/won't do anything without hubby who never has time to do anything. My advice - independence once in a while is not a bad thing.

What NancyLynn said.

I just got back from Coz Thursday night. I went alone because the hubster couldn't break away. My wonderful man did not want to deprive me of the spring trip. I went to Scuba Club and had a great time. It would have been better if he could have gone, but I met lots of great folks and did some superb dives.

FairyBasslet - I did NOT go looking for an affair! The only thing in my bed was the pool float because the beds at Scuba Club are hard as rocks!

I might be a girly girl, but I can manage things on my own and stand on my own two feet. I think our society pushes this helpless women thing. Look at all the movies - the mighty male hero must save the wimpering woman. For that reason, "Alien" is one of my favorite movies. Sigorney Weaver's character is smart, the only one to survive and she kicks alien butt!

 

[MeiLing]

I think our society pushes this helpless women thing. Look at all the movies - the mighty male hero must save the wimpering woman. For that reason, "Alien" is one of my favorite movies. Sigorney Weaver's character is smart, the only one to survive and she kicks alien butt!

I think it's more than that. I think it might be attached to the "Y" chromosome. Something in the wiring in the whole reproductive process seems to draw most men to seek that in a mate. I am not that kind of woman. I relate well to men and actually prefer their company sometimes to most women. But boy I sure found it hard to find a man who didn't gravitate to that simpering, helpless female when looking for a significant other.

And I know that there are few of my male friends who wished that they hadn't passed me over in their consideration!

I think that a lot of the times, those simpering types are the ones who change the most in a relationship. They tend to put on an act in the beginning to get the man. Go diving or whatever they guy likes. Once they've snagged him, they're done and conflicts arise because of it!

 

[TSandM]

NancyLynn, I just did a husbandless week in Mexico, cave diving with three friends. (And no, I didn't have an affair while I was there!) It was great fun to take off by myself, with all my gear, and spend a crazy week cave diving my brains out.

 

[MeiLing]

(And no, I didn't have an affair while I was there!)

Why is there this assumption, that if you travel without your spouse, you're going to have an affair. If you're someone who'd have an affair in the first place, you could have one close to home and save yourself the money!

 

[TSandM]

I only added that phrase because of the post further up about the married woman diver traveling and having an affair with a single man.

I agree; if I were the type, it'd be easier at home.

 

[MeiLing]

I only added that phrase because of the post further up about the married woman diver traveling and having an affair with a single man.

I agree; if I were the type, it'd be easier at home.

It wasn't just your post that got under my skin. It started a number of posts back when someone questioned, what is about married women who go on dive trips looking for a man to shack up while they’re there. Doh! Pretty much that same reason men do so! But then that question has so many women who’ve posted since then, like yourself, feeling like they need to defend themselves because they went on a trip without their SO. That kind of annoys me. I guess because folks just take it for granted that that is a “guy” kind of behavior and excuse it! Bad behavior is just bad behavior!