Why are so many female divers codependent?

[Cacia]

I wonder if some of the codependency is related to warm water training and dive experience.

and honeymoon behavior.

They always help more the morning after, don't they? I kinda like it, and could make a case that it is co-dependent. I say women that want to haul all their own stuff, should just do it....because I really do not, which is why I don't have too many women dive buddies, those shore dives are just too much work.

I see nothing wrong with being co-dependent, if your mate likes it. Women have traded sex and food for centuries, let's not pretend that will change by your next dive trip.

"Dependancy" assumes he is not getting anything in exchange....if he was not, my bet is the behavior would be quickly estinguished.:11doh:

...because that is what drives human behavior, conditioned responses.

...this, to me, is basic stuff.

All our dives are co-dependent unless I am solo. He watches the gauges, I take pictures. He navigates, I dictate our profiles and our mix. I hydrate him, feed him, he carries all the heavy stuff. He sets up my gear, I set up the camera. He docks the boat, I get the lines. I point out paddlers, check the weather. He buys the fuel, I meet the mechanic while he is at work.
yes, our co-dependancy is never ending, we could not stop if we tried.

 

[vladimir]

Women have traded sex and food for centuries, let's not pretend that will change by your next dive trip.

This is kind of disturbing, Catherine. All these years I have been deluding myself with the notion that my girlfriends were trading sex for sex. Now I found out it was the dinners!

 

[drbill]

Fairybasslet is correct. The word co-dependent has been rubbing me the wrong way, although it isn't entirely inappropriate if the male is enabling the female by doing everything for her.

Catherine, where does honeymoon behavior enter into the equation (remember, it's a subject totally alien to my experience!).

If there are beautiful women divers that are trading sex for my hauling gear, I have yet to meet one! And I've hauled a lot of gear... but for either gender, just as I'd hold a door open for the next person entering or exiting a building regardless of whether they were male or female.

As a solo diver, I take the video and watch my gauges. Wouldn't take many of my buddies down where I film anyway. I'm pretty much self-sufficient. I can even cook (er, microwave and barbecue) and have been known to do housework when the dust rises above 2" or I can't get past the piles of papers. Perhaps this is one of the reasons honeymoon behavior is so alien to me, Catherine.

A partnership, which is what I seek, has a measure of cooperative behavior to it. It isn't a matter of dependency, or co-dependency... it's a matter of cooperation. One doesn't carry another's gear because the other is dependent on them to do so, one does it to cooperate with their partner and make things easier for both partners.

Of course if I ever did meet the mermaid of my dreams... there would be no gear to carry. How many mermaids have you seen that use tanks and regs? Having said that, I did meet a possible candidate at the Long Beach SCUBA Show and I'd gladly carry her doubles for the honor of diving with her!

 

[Cacia]

This is kind of disturbing, Catherine. All these years I have been deluding myself with the notion that my girlfriends were trading sex for sex. Now I found out it was the dinners!

as long as we get something

Catherine, where does honeymoon behavior enter into the equation

I was trying to be work place friendly.

although it isn't entirely inappropriate if the male is enabling the female by doing everything for her.

Of course they are! ...or why would they be doing it? People only do what works for them.

 

[shoturtle]

as long as we get something

I was trying to be work place friendly.

Of course they are! ...or why would they be doing it? People only do what works for them.

Not all the time, I do carry the bulky items, but my wife does all the other prep work. So it is really no co-dependent on a man. It is a symbiotic relationship really, not to sound like a cave man, but dive gear tend to be heavy, and most men tend to be the physically stronger of the couple. It makes sense for me to carry the gear to the boat, and as I am bring it, she sets up the gear. It is time efficient.

As my wife and I also enjoy motorcycling, she does majority of her own maintenance on her own, I help out with the heavier items. It just make sense.

So it depends on how you look at it, if the women just sits back and watch, then the man runs the dive show. But if the task are divvy up to who is suited best to do it. Then I do not think that the women is co-dependent.

If I told my wife she trade sex for dinner I think I would be sleeping on the couch for a while. I think men and women sexual dynamics's has change some what from back in the day of ME man YOU women.

But generally when a women bashes her lashes needing help. Most men will be more then willing to help. But that is with new couples. My wife sometime does it as a joke, but that to keep the fun in the relationship.

 

[UnderwaterBumbleBee]

Hey I resemble that comment, err RESENT that comment.

Actually in my household, I was the one that drug (physically, not literally) my husband down to the local dive shop to take a discover scuba course for our ANNIVERSARY! Nothing says I love you like a gift that gives to me as well! He didn't want to try it but once we did the discover class we were both hooked. As for buying things, he is a tech junkie so he gets a little more excited about gadgets but we both pick out our own equipment.

I will admit that sometimes I make him carry things for me and I sometimes make him clean my gear for me (who said chivalry was dead). I set up my own equipment and all that stuff though. I almost always make him set up my camera though, maybe so I can blame him if it floods. There is always a reason why we do what we do.

 

[drl]

I have certainly seen dependent female divers, but it is also the case that many regular buddy pairs fall into a division of labor based on talent or inclination that might be mistaken for dependence by casual observers.

 

[fairybasslet]

I've noticed that when people are quick to make generalizations about a group of people, it is usually out of ignorance, or they are talking about themselves.

 

[Cacia]

I almost always make him set up my camera though, maybe so I can blame him if it floods. There is always a reason why we do what we do.

ha ha...the truth comes out.

The reason JB sets up my tank, is the camera bit takes so long and cannot be rushed. He doesn't like to touch the camera seals because he knows if it floods I'd be interogating him.

 

[Hallmac]

So where are all these dependent women divers, better yet where do I pick one up? I need a dive buddy.

Seems like all the ones I find have no problem telling me what to do, when to do it, or even where to go......