Why are so many female divers codependent?

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I am 12 (and female) and I dive w/my dad. I can set up everything, take everything apart, haul my gear short distances, but there are some things I need help with. I can't stand around for 15 minutes with my tank on, and I need help lifting my gear OUT of the water. Now, that said, there is NO WAY I depend on him to dive for me. We both have equal skills underwater but on the surface sometimes tanks are too heavy for me.
 
Wow. I logged on to the forum today to do some research in another area when this post caught my eye...and I have to admit I initially thought it was posted by a man until I read it!

I am a female diver living with a man that has no interest in diving whatsoever (he is man enough to say "I will keep my happy butt topside, that ain't for me."). So...I go diving, he says "I love you babe, be safe"...and he hops on one of his motorcycles ("his" hobby)...we hook up later and share tales of our day over a beer or two. No one, male or female, should "push" their spouse or anyone else into diving, however, it does happen.

Dive gear - love it. I have always done as much research as possible since becoming certified (only pushing 50 dives now), on both training, safety and equipment...have done Advanced, Nitrox, as well as a number of the basics (deep, nav, etc.). I own my own gear, none of which was purchased on day 1 as a "package"...every piece I researched the pros and cons, reviews, etc., prior to any purchase...the result of which has left me very happy and confident with what I am using and I am more than capable of setting up and using my own gear without anyone's assistance.

Diving with significant others - my opinion, they should act as your "dive buddy" ...meaning...buddy checks..."both" should know how to set up their own gear and then check each other...as any buddy would do.

"Transporting gear" on the surface - who gives a hoot if a guy helps out his wife or gf...anyone that has an issue with this is just being a moron.

"Set up" - you better know how to do it yourself.

"In the water" - you should absolutely, unequivocably, understand your equipment, know how to use and read your own gauges/computer, be confident in your skills, etc. Accidents happen to even the most experienced of divers. Yes, it is natural for the man to want to protect his lady, however, god forbid something happens underwater to the man that is taking charge of everything for the lady and the lady panics or simply does not know how to take charge of the situation so that both divers return to the surface safely. Confidence in yourself and your abilities can go a long way in avoiding a panic situation. I enjoy diving with someone with more experience so I can learn from them, however, I have buddied with men with less experience than I, and in such circumstances, I will review basics with him before we dive together to ensure that "he" knows what he is doing and what our plan will be with respect to the dive itself, or any potential situation with the dive. I will check "his" gear, I will look at his gauges every so often while we are in the water. In a nutshell, both divers should be able to look out for each other...not just the "one"...you are each other's backup.

I do understand that some women are more conservative (as are some men), especially in a sport such as this one. I am a different breed, I'm not shy, if I can't find a DB I will just show up at the site and crash the party...I'm sure there will be someone there to dive with. I'm not going to sit at home and miss out because none of my friends are divers. I'm not going to wait for a man to take my hand and lead me to water. If you don't love this sport (for yourself), then you will probably be much happier spending your time doing what "you" love.

It looks like RumBum took a little heat for the comments, however, I understand the point she was trying to make. There are a LOT of extremely experienced women divers out there, props to you all. I have run into my share of women that are there "for someone else" for the wrong reasons. There are also a fair share of men out there that could use some additional training themselves...I have had that run-in as well.

Male or female...if you're going below sea level...go prepared and know your stuff...it could be the difference between life and death...period. And if you have a great guy to lug your gear from the car to the boat for you, give him a big ole smooch.

As for you diver1995...way to go! Nicely said. Be sure to keep up the training, be safe, and you will have a lifelong sport that you will love.
 
PS - as an add on to my message above...

"Cleaning gear" - one woman mentioned she hated cleaning her gear. I actually enjoy cleaning everything after the dive...check all o-rings, seals, lube all zippers, etc. I got stuck in my wetsuit ONCE when diving in S.Florida...will never happen again...not only was it embarassing, it was HOT. :)

Once everything is clean and dry, I pack it all nicely so it's ready to just pickup and go for the next one!
 
RB, I only got up to #35 post and got bored with the repeats.... But I loved your idea about a woman's group. Here in South Florida there is a local woman's diving group and it is nice to dive with people like yourself. I normally dive in the West Palm Florida area and always being the only "girl" on the boat gets old. So if you are ever in Florida, look up the wonderful woman's dive group, South Florida Womens diver. South Florida Women Divers - A women only scuba diving club serving Palm Beach and Broward Counties including the communities of West Palm Beach, Boynton Beach, Highland Beach, Delray Beach, Boca Raton, Deerfield Beach, Hillsboro Beach, Coral Springs. take care
 
Thank you, StuartScuba. I have family out that way and will check out the group next time I'm in FL.
 
Great! looking forward to seeing you when you come to West Palm.
 
I'm a liberated man. I expect my woman buddies to carry MY gear. Of course I'll then carry them to the dive site. My, I think breathing air direct from the atmosphere and not from a tank is starting to fry my brain...
 
Just my 2 pence worth.

There are a few women in our dive club, the majority of which have partners also in dive club (myself included). However they rarely dive.. in fact I am ususally the only woman in the water which has lead to me being viewed as one of the lads. So much so that when I ask for help to lift up a glove that I had dropped whilst in a 2 piece semi dry 12 litre cylinder and 20ilbs of weight I get funny looks, whereas if any other women (who are usually open water students) get in the water they are helped to kit up from start to finish.

The other women are allowed privacy to change whereas every week I change on the pier in Strangford in full view of everyone (really should save for that drysuit!!).

However I can not see any reason for this difference other than my own attitude. My partner knows not to try and smother me when i'm kitting up, he knows that if I need help i'll ask for it. Whilst doing my open water and advanced I was very aware I was the only woman in a class of men and was determined not to 'draw attention to myself' by admitting defeat with anything, in or out of the water.

This is the way I prefer things, in fact I think in my attempt not to be too 'girly' I have became quite stubborn. I would never let a partner choose my dive gear, in fact we constantly argue about whose kit is better. I make no bones about the fact that diving is not glamourous and make no attempt to look like anything other than what I am.. a diver. I have seen other women screw up their nose at all the gear and one girl even asked me why did I not choose a nice pink kit instead of my blue one and that my BCD didnt 'match'.

All that said I would have liked a teeny tiny bit of sympathy when I got stung by a jellyfish on Sunday!!! You know... sympathy like your mum would give you!!!!! Guess there's some things you can't change :)
 
I wonder are all of these codependant women like this in more aspects of life than just diving. I agree that if you need someone to monitor you're air, set up gear, plan the dives all of the time then you should not be diving!!! Needing help to carry a tank or lift on/off your gear is different as you dont need to be storng or phisically able to dive but if diving is truely your hobby and/ or passion then you should, would, take the time to learn how to do these things.
 
I got in to SCUBA after a divorce...something I always wanted to do and a reward for surviving. Something I coudn't afford while married. And something he didn't show interest in.
I take myself to the dive shop when ever I want to check out some new gear or just browse and smell the neoprene...Anyway, I don't consider myself codependant. I join the dive trips sponsored by the LDS and just have fun.

I carry and set up my own gear. I research gear and ask questions at my local LDS. I weigh all my needs and wants verses cost and then make my decisions. Maybe I'm a fluke.

Sure it would be nice to have a dive buddy who did all the hard stuff while I get to look at the pretty fishes, but I don't think I would have as much fun.
 

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