what do your partners think?

[theatis]

The Kraken is right, this is a serious and interesting topic in general that warrants discussion. But first i wanted to point out that this is maiestero's first post! Do you really feel about this issue that strongly? Like Andy, i fail to see what it is that makes you feel this way and make absolute statements like "I WON'T".

My regular dive buddies are mostly male (one female who buddies with her husband) but i've had a couple of interesting experiences with female buddies in classes. In one class a female diver asked to be my session buddy and i got a strong sense that she was courting me, i was discretely discouraging and wasn't approached again in any later session. I thought that was interesting.

In another class, there were only two female divers and you could just sense that all the guys were very uncomfortable about asking them to buddy up and coming across as forward.

 

[Bobbin-along]

If I called up my friend Mike today and said "hey, how 'bout lunch at Phinney Thai?" He'd say sure, we'd meet and have lunch. Then when his wife called to touch bases with him about an event that night, he'd mention he was having lunch with me. He'd kid that I've stolen his heart and she can't have him back. She'd quickly offer his dirty laundry, stinky dive and sailing gear, and the dog too.

It's really a sad thing that people are so divisionist interacting with other people. I had friends before marriage and hubby doesn't like them all but he'd never say I couldn't keep them as friends. Same with his female buds. Dictating who your spouse hangs with just seems foreign, but if it works for you both and you both like it, good on ya.

 

[MSilvia]

after all, didnt i get married so i can spend my time with the one person, having fun and making memories... my hubby

I don't know why you got married, but in my case, yes... I did get married so I could spend my time with the one person, but not so that I wouldn't be able to spend time with anyone else. It's a marriage, not a quarantine.

So long as the time we spend with other people isn't romantic time, what's the harm? Of course, if you don't have any friends of your own that are the opposite sex, I can see where that might seem threatening.

 

[almitywife]

im sure the time my hubby spends with his male buddies and camera rigs is romantic for him.. the only kind he allowed outside of our marriage

its hard for me to explain in words... im not threatened or insecure, i left him alone with 8 bikini models for 5 days and i wasnt concerned, in fact i laugh at the thought of it.

i suppose becasue in we have such busy lives, spending time with other people (other women) can become a habit very easily and then i would be resentful of someone else spending more time with my hubby than i am

but in saying this... my hubby is such a dive tart - he'll dive with anyone!

 

[Cacia]

C'mon. It is perfectly reasonable for members of the opposite sex to be friends and enjoy the same activities without sexual overtones.

yes...Secure confident people can and everyone should work towards giving others the benefit of the doubt. Do you want to be with someone that feeds "that monster?" If nothing is going on then why should the solution be left to the innocent person? People that are jealous need to address it with themselves. When I am jealous about JB, I don't torture him about it...I deal with myself. Everybody encouters this at some time...the trick is to learn to deal, not make the other person change their life to fit your insecurities.

Still, it will always be an issue. Mine is away and I prefer to dive with men, usually they are a little more adventurous...lower maintenance in general. Women, their wives and girlfriends are always welcome. if you feel some tension..invite them along or to meet afterwards for food and drink...everybody has some responsibility to make it cool.

Having said that, if I was away working, it would bug me if JB was doing something...say jumping horses with a barn full of women or running off to yoga. So, I appreciate that he does not and tries to tolerate what I do. Because I would not be thrilled, I try and compensate in other ways.

Like cutting him some slack...for being away and having a job that sucks.

 

[almitywife]

ok, i admit it.... what the hell is "jumping horse with a barn full of woman" :huh:


edit: ohhh - i figured it out.... had to read it a few times though

 

[Cacia]

he he...oh, you know..women go to "training barns and jump their horses" and hang at the barn all day. Then one day, a man buys a horse and shows up...and the whole chemistry changes. See, I think there are sexual overtones everywhere. So to avoid that just doesn't accomplish very much.

As soon as you get rid of one situation..it pops up again. Better to just navigate it. There are people who quarrantine their partners, to the point I would just wither up and die.

If a woman lets me dive with her husband, I make sure she gets to know me and knows that I appreciate it.

 

[ThatsSomeBadHatHarry]

the sexual overtones are everywhere. its only natural. trust is key. it also helps to not assume the worst, without being naive, of course.

 

[H2Andy]

just because you have sexual overtones doesn't mean you have to act on them

what i have with my wife is so valuable to me at so many levels, that it'd be stupid of me to compromise it. do i not sometimes feel a tingle when a female friend brushes against me? sure... i'd be dead if i didn't... but she's my friend, and she's a lot more than that biological reaction

however, if my wife and me's relationship were not what it is ... who knows... i might act on impulse

i have no time for jealous people. you can't prevent someone from doing what they are going to do anyway.

jealousy is about controling others, and you can't really control others

 

[almitywife]

well actually i didnt know... im from the suburbs so what do we know about horses!

but if i equate "horse" with "ikelite & oly camera" i get the idea