Pun-ishment

[TexasMike]

And now folks....it's time for our monthly dose of silliness!

I'm kicking off ScubaBoard's first annual March Pun Fest!

Points (a la Who's Line Is It Anyway) will be awarded for

• originality,
• splatter factor (which means wiping the splattered beverage off of the monitor)
• ability to gather the your coworkers around the monitor when the wonder what you're laughing at
• need to open adjacent windows (for the real stinkers)
• intelligence (making us think about it to get the joke)
• dry sense of humor (we're talking martini dry folks)
• and originality.

So sharpen your pun-cils and send us your best (unless it's about sausage, then send us your wurst). And so you'll try your darndest, a select panel of judges (who can be appropriately bribed :tease: ) will chose a winner and award an appropriate prize the next time we see you. The rest of you will just have to ply us with drinks at Wreckamania.

And to kick off the groan fest, I humbly submit my new signature line. Best of luck to you all!

 

[TexasMike]

Did you hear about how the obnoxious golfer got tossed out of the country club?

Every time he said something mean about the other golfers, it was a caddy remark.

 

[TexasMike]

The other day NetDoc got in trouble and called me from jail.

"Are you on a pay phone," I asked.

"No, I'm behind bars so I had to call on my cell phone."

 

[DiverG]

Mike I like the new signature line, and the caddy one isn't to bad either.

DiverG

 

[TexasMike]

I once had a friend that said that his diver wife liked marine life.

"Now I know you're telling me a tall tale!" I said.

"What do you mean?" asked my friend.

"I've seen your wife. She wouldn't last a day in the Army, let alone the Marines!"

 

[TexasMike]

I once made a new friend who had moved here from Newark, NJ. But it kinda got on my nerves that every time someone asked him where he was from originally, he would answer, "I'm from Joy-sey."

Eventually I had enough. So I told my friend that the local community college had a night class that would teach him how to speak like the locals, aka Talk Texan. And being a good friend, he agreed to go.

A few weeks later I caught up with him.

"How's that 'Talk Texan' class going?"

"Oh it's great! I'm really glad you recommended it. Now I can say New Jersy poy-fectly!"

 

[TexasMike]

Q. Do you know where in Alabama you can find the best elephant dentist in the world?

• A. Tuskaloosa.

 

[TexasMike]

The other day I saw my friend carrying four six-packs of soda into the courthouse. "Where ya going?" I asked.

"I'm getting sued, so I'm taking my case to court"

=======================

A few days later, I saw him coming out of the courtroom with an empty hanger. "What happened? I asked.

"Oh, bad news....I lost my suit."

=======================

Then the next day, I saw him headed back to the courthouse carrying a ladder. "What are you doing now?" I asked

"Me and my lawyer decided to move to a higher court."

 

[TexasMike]

And of course, this entire thread bears repeating:

The Story of Foot Foot Foot, Foot Foot, and Foot

 

[TexasMike]

A young Mexican boy writes home to his Mom in Cancun while visiting his Aunt in New York City:

"Dear Momasita:

I am having a great time visiting Uncle Julio and Aunt Magarita here in the US. We have seen lots of sights and lots of interesting people. We went and saw the Statue of Liberty, the Metropolitain museum, Times Square, Central Park and lots of other really neat places.

But the coolest place of all was seeing a baseball game at Yankee Stadium. All of the fans there were real nice. Even though we were in the cheep seats way far from the action, they even sang a song about me before they started playing! I think it went something like this:

• "Jose, can you see? By the dawn's early light..."