How many lawyers do we have on the board?

[GeekDiver]

Since were all here having fun and being good natured have you seen this one before.

An engineer, a physicist, and a lawyer were being interviewed for a position as chief executive officer of a large company. The engineer was interviewed first, and was asked a long list of questions, ending with "How much is two plus two?" The engineer excused himself, and made a series of measurements and calculations before returning to the board room and announcing, "Four." The physicist was next interviewed, and was asked the same questions. Before answering the last question, he excused himself, made for the library, and did a great deal of research. After a consultation with the BSA and many calculations, he also announced "Four." The lawyer was interviewed last, and was asked the same questions. At the end of his interview, before answering the last question, he drew all the blinds in the room, looked outside the door to see if anyone was there, checked the telephone for listening devices, and asked "How much do you want it to be?"

Geek

 

[GeekDiver]

OK I didn't see this one in the Humor section untill I posted the opne above so I'll post a new one.

A man walked into an antique shop and began to browse. He was attracted to a brass rat on a shelf behind the counter. He asked the shopkeeper for a price, and was told to make an offer. Presently they agreed on a price, and the brass rat changed hands. The shopkeeper warned the customer as he took the money, "This sale is final. If you leave the shop with the brass rat, I won't take it back under any circumstances." The customer agreed and left with the rat. As he walked home, he noticed that a live rat came scurrying out of an alley and began to follow him. Soon there were more, all following him and milling about his feet. The man began to run, but the rats kept up, and more joined the procession. After a few minutes, thousands of rats were chasing after the man. The man ran frantically for the river, and threw the brass rat into the water. The live rats followed the brass rat, and soon all had drowned. The man returned to the curio shop, and on seeing him enter, the shopkeeper shouted, "I told you, the sale was final! You cannot return the brass rat!" The customer replied, "That's no problem. I just wondered if you had a brass lawyer in stock"

Geek

 

[Lawman]

were all sentenced to by hung. The lawyer
stood on the trap and he hangman pulled
the lever. Nothing happened. "Let him go"
the crowd yelled. And they did.

The minester stood on the trap and the
hangman pulled the lever. Nothing happened.
"let him go" the crowd yelled again.

The engineer stood on the trap. As the
hangman got ready to pull the lever
the engineer said "I think I see your
problem....":hanged:

 

[AzAtty]

A wealthy man was about to die. He called in his three closest friends and advisors, who were a doctor, a minister and a lawyer, to see him one last time.

"They say you can't take your money with you when you die, but I plan to do just that." He pointed to three large briefcases and said, "In each briefcase is $20 million. At my funeral, I want each of you to put the money into my coffin so that I can take it with me." Each of his friends agreed to do so.

The man died, and at his funeral each of his friends placed the briefcase in the coffin. At the conclusion of the funeral, they were talking to each other about their departed friend.

Finally, the doctor said, "I have to confess something to you both. I didn't put the full $20 million in the coffin. You see, there's a children's hospital that is being built, and they're out of construction funds, so I took $5 million from the briefcase and gave it to the hospital trustees on behalf of our friend so that the hospital could be completed."

The minister said, "I'm so glad you told us that. I, too, did not put the full amount in the coffin. I took $10 million to donate to a charity that is in desperate need of money. I named our friend as the donor. I feel so much better for having told you this."

The doctor and the minister looked at their lawyer friend. "Well?" they asked, "What about you?"

"I am ashamed of both of you. How could you violate the sacred trust of our friend and not comply with his last wish," the lawyer said indignantly. "I wrote him a check for the full $20 million."

 

[clive francis]

DivePartner1 once bubbled...
I used to be a lawyer . . .

Then I died and went to heaven .

but every one knows lawyers can't get to heaven

 

[Lawman]

since you're almost a Dad we'll
just assume you are under great
stress and don't mean what you
say about lawyers. You know that
deep down you love us!

 

[AzAtty]

I think we need a board forum dedicated to lawyer's, to everyone's warm and fuzzy feelings for lawyers, to everyone's undying admiration and devotion, and, oh yeah...a place where they can contribute to the Diving Lawyers' Support Trust (a.k.a. the "Please Don't Steal Our Gear and Women Because We Know You Could Do It Fund").

 

[TCDiver1]

Lawman once bubbled...


Well, Gedunk, if we don't win the fight can
we still have your women?

Uh, yeah but it's gonna cost you top shelf tequila in Coz. Our women may be cheap but our booze is good!

 

[TCDiver1]

AzAtty once bubbled...
Or better yet, how about we just conscript gedunk and take the case on a contingent basis. We'll only take a percentage of his women....

Conscription isn't my thing. Now if we can talk retainer ........... now were talking!

 

[Lawman]

Everybody contributes to the fund.

As for engineers women, as in

"Hey you guys, where's the girls?"

"We're the girls!"

You can just fugetaboudet.....