DrySuitDave....
I was very saddened when reading your post. All I could think of is you, like many of us have been scorned. :wacko: And, you just need a better woman. LOL I for one have never been a If you are lucky I might let you scratch me kinda person. I know many women who are very much not like that. If those are the only women you have been around then you need to get a new source to find women. And, a lot of men cant handle an unconditionally devoted, protective, intelligent woman who depends on you
who gives without demands. (And, requests and demands are very different.) Yes, I think that men say they want that but it is scary to them when they get it. Women like that are labeled to have ulterior motives or be dangerous.
I would love to shed some light here. Women like cats because of the affection and the response that what they are doing is appreciated. When I scratch my cat, he purrs and gives me affection back. When hes happy to see me he doesnt pee on me either. I have both a great cat and great dog. I love them both. But, my cat cleans up after himself when my dog makes messes I have to clean up. My cat has more personality and spunk where my dog is a pushover and a bit boring. My cat can entertain himself and my dog looks to me to entertain her. Yeah, I guess men are like dogs and women are like cats. Hahaha OK enough of that.
But, I will tell you this - this whole issue is just that. An issue, something people make into a big deal that really isn't. This whole men/women as a buddy thing with respect to capability is over worked and tired.
I was the only girl in a family of all boys for a long time; joined only by another girl who didn't keep up very well. My papaw taught me how to play baseball with all the boys and I was the only girl on the team. They gave me a different color uniform to make me stand out like my long blonde hair and slightly curved frame didn't do that already. I remember running from cheerleading practice to gymnastic practice to baseball practice all in the same day. In the beginning I got a lot of hoops and hollers when I showed up at practice and bend over to wait for the ball, just like any other player, (funny I didn't get that reaction from the male gymnast I had just practiced with and there was more to look at there) but that soon stopped with I ran over a baseman sliding in safe. I quickly became another ballplayer when I could play ball like they could. Next I grappled, wrestled for those of you who dont know, and held my own there too. Boys dont like to get beat by girls. And, why would there be more ribbing when a girl wins than when a boy wins?
My point is that I have participated in a lot of sports that men/guys do and because of my size and build and because I am a woman there are often questions of me holding my own. I will tell you that the (dive) gear is sometimes cumbersome for me to handle because I am small and all my gear weighs almost the same as I. This only means it may take me an extra trip when someone else would make one less.
My regular dive buddy often helps with my gear because he chooses too. We do have a running joke of honey can you get that for me. But honestly, I am usually the one who carries the most gear. I tend to move most all of it before he picks up the first thing. Thats not an insult either. Hes usually still meetin and greatin thats all. He carries two tanks to my one but his damn dive bag, which I usually grab, weighs a hell of a lot more than my tanks. And, he voluntarily helps me with my gear where he wouldnt a male dive buddy. But thats because he automatically does it. And, I let him. But dont complain if you volunteer and I let you. We call it letting the other person row. It is better to row the boat together than to let the other person row and do all the work but it is very common in any type of relationship including dive buddies that if one person takes it upon his or herself to do all the rowing that the other person sits back and enjoys the ride. The important part is that you both are better off to row together and then if one person needs a break from rowing then the other person picks of the slack. Then when the rest break is over they either trade off the break or continue to row together until the next break from rowing is needed.
So, everyone should figure out how to row together and enjoy the ride at the same time instead of debating whos the better rower; who is the intentional slacker; who expects the other to do all the rowing; etc. BTW, if you find yourself in a situation where you are doing all the rowing and you feel you should not be, you should talk to the person you are supposed to be rowing with. Communicate and things with work better. And, if you have a problem helping another diver with their gear then you should address that problem directly.
The best dive charter I have ever been on is out of GA. And, I was surprised the first time we dove with them that everyone grabbed all the gear and lugged it up the dock and ramp to where the cars were. EVERYONE. It was really nice that everyone was chipping in. I have noticed that when the crew starts this that everyone else follows suit. When Deep South Divers got together, they experienced this and everyone began to haul the gear up the ramp. It makes the experience better when people chip in and help each other. Diving really is a team sport. Thats what being on a team is all about. There is a reason why a dive partner is called a BUDDY.
On a lighter note, yes I have complained about breaking a nail on a dive trip. But I have done that at home watching TV too. I have also reamed a buddy for breaking a dive plan. And, I have hugged my buddy for sharing a great diving experience with me. I would venture to guess that most of my last statements would not happen with two male dive buddies but, that doesnt make me any less of a great buddy.
I hope that you all have great dive experiences and help each other out. Further more, I hope that you find buddies you enjoy diving with. R