Divers Song Parodies

[Natasha]

Well, I see those talented juices are flowing again, Pete. Great Christmas present to our fearless Iguana leader. :sunny:
(((((((( Still blowing warm air to Don))))))))))))

 

[Iguana Don]

I am both touched and moved..............funny, that's what my mother told me.................

"You are touched, would you please move."

ID

 

[TexasMike]

Like "Redneck Divers", this is one of those threads that just ain't gonna go away (not if Pete 'n me have something to say about it!)

With apologies to Bing Crosby and his "Swinging on a Star" we happily present

Dive in the Sea
By TexasMike and NetDoc

Would you like to dive in the sea
And head down to the bottom with me
But your gear causes quite a stir
or would you rather be DIR?

A DIR is a diver with strange funny idears
Hates anything different he hears
His back(plate) is steel, but his brain is weak
He's just plain silly with a stubborn streak
And on the boards if you want to cause quit a stir
Just claim you dive like a DIR


Or would you like to dive in the sea
And head down to the bottom with me
But if it's too cold by a tad
Perhaps you rather be CAD?

A CAD is a diver who hates the cold
Has to dive warm, so I've been told
He hates the water below eighty degrees
He's afraid his willie just might freeze
And if you offer him a drysuit he might get mad
That's cause your diving with a CAD


Or would you like to dive in the sea
And head down to the bottom with me
But if you want to see a bottle fish
Being a Redneck diver is your wish!

A Redneck is a diver who's smell might linger
Since he warms his drysuit, by saying "Pull my finger."
The innertube BC will give you a chuckle
He don't need no weights, Cuz of that huge belt buckle
And if you dive with spurs strapped to your fins
We know you're one of the Redneck's kin.


Or would you rather dive in the sea
And head down to the bottom with me
But if the water 'round you turns brown
You'll know that Warhammer is around!

The Warhammer is done in the sea
It makes a lot more mess than if you only pee
There is zero vis and it stinks a whole bunch
But you get to see what Greg had for lunch.
Since the only one to do it is from Alabammer
You know it's gotta be Warhammer


And all the crazies aren't up on the land
or sunning themselves getting a tan
TexasMike, you know he is the man!
You can be down here with me
You could be diving in the sea

 

[ckharlan66]

Originally posted by TexasMike
Dive in the Sea
By TexasMike and NetDoc

He's afraid his willie just might freeze

Don't make fun of us CAD's. God did not intend for some things to be innies.

Chad

 

[Natasha]

Pete & Mike,
I think you just wrote the "National Anthem" for the board. Or is that National Lampoon? hehehehe
Very creative. I love it! (Glad I wasn't mentioned) hehehe

:gorgeous:

 

[The Chairman]

I am now dispised by my son and daughter alike for desecrating "Smells like Teen Spirit" by Nirvana... My usual apologies to all, and this is dedicated to ALL of the instructors out there who have had one of "those" classes...

Smells like Open Water!

What is this course all about?
They just can’t seem to figure Boyle’s law out!
The letters on the tables; they cannot find!
Surface intervals just bend their minds
I know, I know, I know, they don’t know!
I know, I know, I know, they don’t know!

(screaming part)
So I’m teachin’ and I’m splainin’
But they can’t quite, get the meanin!
Breathe in air, blow out bubbles!
Or you’ll be in deep, deep trouble!!!
Open water! Open water! Open water!

Why am I feeling all this rage?
The students think that I’m a sage!
I don’t see whats, so hard to comprehend
If you don’t plan your dive, you’re gonna get the bends!
I know, I know, I know, they don’t know!
I know, I know, I know, they don’t know!

(screaming part)
All their masks are filled with water!
They can’t purge them, like they oughta!
And tanks slipping, out of their straps!
I still put up, with all of their crap!
Open water! Open water! Open water!

 

[ckharlan66]

Now I can at last sing along with that song. Who could understand the words before.

Chad

 

[The Chairman]

WAAYYY too true, dude!

 

[The Chairman]

OK, OK, I did something really stupid... no stupider than my bungeed wings of death. I dropped a tank on my right pinky toe, and now it's broke. As I have written songs for many others, it finally came upon me to write a song for me... about me, and my toe.

With the usual apologies to Billy Ray Syrus and all who love his "Achey Breaky Heart" Written by me, with the punch line from Texas Mike.

Achey Breaky Toe

Don't touch my toe!
My achey breaky toe!
I just don't think you understand!!!
That if you touch my toe,
My achey breaky toe...
You're gonna see me be a crying man!

I was tryin' to load my tank...
My heavy big steel tank...
I didn't want to carry it no mo!
It slipped out of my hand
And where'd you think it'd land?
It had to land right on my pinky toe!

So, don't touch my toe!
My achey breaky toe!
I just don't think you understand!!!
That if you touch my toe,
My achey breaky toe...
Your gonna see me dance to beat the band!

So please take my advice,
And listen to it twice!!!
If you like to dive big steels or twins!
Go down to your dive store...
Like you have done before...
And buy yourself a set of STEEL TOE FINS!!!

So, don't touch my toe!
My achey breaky toe!
I'm not sure why you can't believe!!!
'Cause if you touch my toe,
My achey breaky toe...
I'm gonna have to take some more Alleve!!!

WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO WHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[dc4bs]

Hi all, my first contribution inspired by request in a previous post...


To the tune of Kung-foo Fighting by Bustop featuring Carl Douglas

Everybody was dry-suit diving..
-
Wooah!

Oh-hoh-hoh-hoahhh!
Y'all ready?
Oh-hoh-hoh-hoahhh!
Yeah, let's go!

Oh-hoh-hoh-hoahhh!
Oh-hoh-hoh-hoahhh!

Now here it is,
It's goin to keep you warm,
Somethin' with a funky drysuit groove,
Somethin' that'll make you shout,
Make you play to the crowd,
And make you wanna dry it inside-out,
(Yeah) So, divers, gather round,
(Right round) just pick it up and put it on,
Just add some extra led pounds,
Cos I'm the only man that'll teach ya,
I got a little somethin' that'll please ya.

So throw those hands up high,
(Come on) Shake your body,
Move from side to side,
(That's right) Cos we've just begun,
Party people in the place yeah we're havin' fun,
Oh, yeah,
I'm gonna be a big star,
I'm gonna put it on and go WOO-HA!
Cos when the mood gets exciting,
(Come on!) When everybody's drysuit diving!

Chorus:
Everybody was drysuit diving!
Come on!
Huh! Woo-ha!
Those fish were fast as lightning,
Hah! Woo-cha!
In fact, it was a little bit frightening,
Huh! Huh-huh!
But they dove with expert training!
Hah!

Sing it girl!
Sexy drysuit diver!
Let me take you deeper.

I've got the gear baby!
Sing drysuit diver!
Take you deeper!

There's bright flashlights,
Orinoco flow,
(So bright)
A drysuit diver on a livaboard,
He's out to take his chance,
He knows the honeys in the water only go for romance,
(On the bottom)
He's got his drysuit on,
Five-past one and the nightdive has just begun,
Cos when he lays it on with style,
A lady's man with a nice smile,
And right before his eyes,
Sees a pretty young thing swimin' real fly,
(So fly) He wants to make the score,
So he takes her glove and leads her to the wreck,
He's running line after line,
She signs him that he looks real fine,
Cos he's the man,
Perfect timing,
Huh! Just like when he's drysuit diving

Chorus

Swim it girl!
Sexy drysuit diver!
Let me take you deeper.

Drysuit divers everywhere,
Throw those liftbags towards the air!
The time has come to turn it out,
Everybody let me here you shout!

One, two, don the drysuit!
One, two, don the drysuit!
Say three, four, on the boat deck!
Say three, four, on the boat deck!
Come on!
One, two, don the drysuit!
One, two, don the drysuit!
Say three, four, on the boat deck!
Say three, four, on the boat deck!
One more time...

flutter kick,
frog kick too,
I'm gonna teach you all the drysuit,
It's a divers thing,
That's what I'm sayin',
While the retro disco track's playin'.
Gonna make you shout,
Make you beg for more,
So get your body on the boat deck,
(Come on girls!)
So boys and girls
You know what to do,
Throw those hands up and don a drysuit!

Chorus x 2

(fade out)