Divers Song Parodies

[eponym]

So with that said, here is a first cut on a diving song riffed off Old Town Road (I assume you've heard it - sing along!)

Yeah, I’m gonna grab my hose and I’ll get offboard
I’m gonna dive ‘til I can’t no more
I’m gonna grab my hose and I’ll get offboard
I’m gonna dive ‘til I can’t no more

I got the hoses on my back
Hose reg is attached
Hard hat is no match
Got the drysuit that’s a match for it

Swimmin’ in the cave, ha
You wave your light wont’cha
I been in hard deco
You ain’t been down that deep, yo.

 

[eponym]

Not specifically scuba-related, but I'm always eager to share. In this case, first listen to "Road to Nowhere" by the Talking Heads . . .

Well, we know that we’re warmin’
But we can’t change what we need
Yes, we know what we’re doin’
But we can’t cope with this scene

And we’re not little children
But we need our fossil fuels
And the future’s a nightmare
Give us time to make new rules

We’re on a road to three-C
Warmin’ the world
Leavin’ it up to others
What is it worth?

Feelin’ effects of warming
And you know
We leave our fate in the hands
Of our boys and girls

We’re on a road to three-C
Warmin’ the world
Leavin’ it up to others
What is it worth?

Maybe you swim where you have
Record high tides
Takin’ a dive to find that
No coral’s alive, none survive

We’re on a road to three-C
We’re on a road to three-C
We’re on a road to three-C

Cities overwhelmed in time
Don’t think that it’s all fine
And it’s not right, baby it’s not right

And it’s not so far away
And it’s growing day by day
It’s not right, baby it’s not right

Can you help me sing this song?
I need you to come along
It’s not right, baby it’s not right

They can say that it’s all good
But they haven’t understood
It’s not right, baby it’s not right

There are cities under siege
‘Cause the water won’t recede
It’s not right, baby it’s not right

It’s not so far away
And it’s growing day by day
And it’s not right, baby it’s not right

Will you listen to this song?
You could help us get along
It’s not right, baby it’s not right

You know what you have to do
And there may be lots of you
It’s not right, baby it’s not right

We’re on a road to three-C
We’re on a road to three-C
We’re on a road to three-C
We’re on a road to three-C

 

[eponym]

With full reverence and credit to Dylan Thomas, a great poet, I dare to offer a diver's version of a classic:


Do not go bravely into that wreck site.
Narcosis should burn and rave at close of day;
Breathe, breathe against the dying of your light.

Though divers at their end know deco is right,
Because their dives allowed no stopping
They did not go gentle into that deep night.

Good men, the last waves past, cry how bright
Their frail dives might have danced on a shallow reef;
Breathe, breathe against the dying of your light.

Wild men who risked all for a Titanic plate,
And learned, too late, they were short of air,
Do not go gentle into that good night.

Cave men, near death, with cookies out of sight
Guidelines could blaze like meteors and be gay.
Breathe, breathe against the dying of your light.

And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless, me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not dive bravely into that wreck site.
Rage, rage against the dying of your light.

[Thomas reads his own poem at ]

 

[eponym]

Nor can buffalo springfield be immune to this impulse . . .


There's some dive happening here
But the plan ain't exactly clear
There's a man with a tank over there
Telling me I got to drop here

I think it's time we stop, divers, what's that sound
Everybody follow their bubbles down

There's battle lines being talked
Nobody's right if everybody's narced
Young divers peaking their minds
Getting so much resistance from SDI

I think it's time we stop, hey, what's that sound
Everybody look at your pressure going down

What a field-day for the cave
A thousand people maybe strayed
Singing songs and carrying tanks
Mostly say, we'll be safe, and thanks.

It's time we stop, hey, what's that sound
Everybody look what's going down

Narcosis strikes deep
Into your dive it will creep
It starts when you're always afraid
You step out of line, the dm comes and takes you away

We better stop, hey, what's that sound
Everybody look what's going down
Stop, hey, what's that sound
Everybody look what's going down
Stop, now, what's that sound
Everybody look what's going down
Stop, children, what's that sound
Everybody look what's going down

 

[eponym]

Yes. Indeed. Those were carefree times.

 

[eponym]

And why ignore the werewolves of london? They too deserve to dive . . .

I saw a werewolf with a trimix on his back
Walking through the streets of SoHo in the rain
He was looking for the place called Lee Ho Fooks
For to get a big dish of beef chow mein

Ah-hoo, divers of London
Ah-hoo
Ah-hoo, divers of London
Ah-hoo

You hear him howling around your dive shop door
You better not let him in
Little old diver got mutilated late last night
Werewolves of London again

Ah-hoo, werewolves of London
Ah-hoo
Ah-hoo, werewolves of London
Ah-hoo, huh

He's the well-trained diver gent who ran amok in Kent
Lately he's been overheard in Mayfair
You better stay away from him, he'll take youe tank out Jim
Huh, I'd like to meet his gasman

Ah-hoo, werewolves of London
Ah-hoo
Ah-hoo, werewolves of London
Ah-hoo

Well, I saw Lon Chaney diving with the Queen
Doin' the werewolves of London
I saw Lon Chaney Jr. diving with the Queen
Divin' the werewolves of London

I saw a werewolf drinkin' a piña colada after a dive
And his po2 was perfect

Ah-hoo, werewolves of London
Hey take tanks
Ah-hoo, werewolves of London

 

[boulderjohn]

Apparently you have to click on the link to FaceBook to see it.

 

[eponym]

BouldorJon, yes, the web changes daily. Amd this video from Master Divers is a treat for all time.

 

[eponym]

Okay, next up in our percicous parody panoply is Buffalo Springs. Sorry, guys. Loved you at Whiskey A-Go-Go all those years ago.

There's something happening here
What it is ain't exactly clear
There's a man with a tank over there
Telling me I got to beware

I think it's time we stop, divers, what's that sound
Everybody check your gas going down

There's cave lines being drawn
Nobody's right if everybody's wrong
Young divers taking their time
Getting so much silt-up from behind

I think it's time we stop, hey, where's the line
Everybody leave before we lose the time

What a field-day for the site
A thousand people want to dive
Slinging gas and carrying slates
Mostly say, we're gonna be late

It's time we stop, hey, what's that sound
Everybody look your gas is going down.

Narcosis strikes deep
Into your life it will creep
It starts when you're always afraid
You step out of line, a DM comes and takes you away

We better stop, hey, what's that sound
Everybody's gas is going down
Stop, hey, what's that sound
Everybody try to get out now

[etc.]

 

[eponym]

Well, the suns' not up yet (Pacific time), so what do you say we play with a jewel from Dire Straits? (wow - what an appropriate monicer)

You get a shiver in the dark
It's cloudy in the wreck but meantime
Losing the guidline you hold your breath
Hearing your head blowing Dixie, double four time
You feel alright when you get the narc

Well now you swim inside but you don't see your buddies
Coming in out of the dust they've created
Competition in other places
Uh but the buddies they're blowin'you off

Way on inside
Way on inside
Cavern town

You check out d.m. George, he knows-all the fiords
Mind, the regset is all he can afford
When he gets up under the lights to show the wreck
And Harry doesn't mind, if he doesn't fin with me
He's got a daytime job, he's doing alright
He can play the divemaster like anything
Savin' it up, for Friday night
With the Cavers
We're the Cavers of Swing

Then a crowd of new divers are foolin' around in the shallows
Drunk and dressed in their best neo suits and their booties too
They don't give a damn about any limits or plans
It ain't what they call Rock and Roll

And the newbies
Yeah, the newbies, they risk narco
Narco.

And the d,.m,, he signals to the dive group
And says at last just as their air goes low
"Goodnight, now it's time to go home"
Then he makes it fast with one more thing
"We are the divers
We are the divers who survive.