To the tune of "The Cat Came Back" (hard to change this one from the original much since the original is already very funny --TM)
The Diver Came Back
Old man Johnson had troubles of his own.
Had a little diver that wouldn't leave him alone.
He tried and tried to send him away,
He put him on a dive boat going far, far away.
CHORUS:
But the diver came back, the very next day.
But the diver came back, they thought he was a goner,
But the diver came back, he just couldn't stay away, away, away.
He gave it to a man going in the ocean,
Told him to take the diver deep into the trench
The submersible came up about 20 miles away
And where that man is we just can't say.
CHORUS
He gave him to a boy with a dollar note,
Told him to take up the river in a boat,
Tied a rock round its neck must have weighed a hundred pounds,
And now they're dredging the river for the little boy who drowned.
CHORUS
He gave him to a boat going way, way out west,
Told him to give the diver a faulty BC vest,
The storm came up, turned the sky black, then it rose to a gail
Now no one is alive today to tell the gruesome tale.
CHORUS
Old man Johnson said he'd shoot that diver on sight,
So he loaded up his shotgun with nails and dynamite.
He waited and waited for that diver to come around,
But ninety seven pieces of the man were all they ever found
CHORUS
The H-bomb fell just the other day,
The A-bomb fell in the very same way,
Russia went, China went, and the USA
The human race was destroyed without a chance to pray
[long pause]
But the diver came back, the very next day.
But the diver came back, they thought he was a goner,
But the diver came back, he just couldn't stay away, away, away.