Waiting............
Blonde
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:catherine::1poke:
m3830431
Contributor
Smarter Blonde
There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.
The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"
Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"
Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00
The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"
Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.
There was a blonde who found herself sitting next to a Lawyer on an airplane. The lawyer just kept bugging the blonde wanting her to play a game of intelligence. Finally, the lawyer offered her 10 to 1 odds, and said every time the blonde could not answer one of his questions, she owed him $5, but every time he could not answer hers, he'd give her $50.00. The lawyer figured he could not lose, and the blonde reluctantly accepted.
The lawyer first asked, "What is the distance between the Earth and the nearest star?"
Without saying a word the blonde handed him $5. then the blonde asked, "What goes up a hill with 3 legs and comes back down the hill with 4 legs?"
Well, the lawyer looked puzzled. He took several hours, looking up everything he could on his laptop and even placing numerous air-to-ground phone calls trying to find the answer. Finally, angry and frustrated, he gave up and paid the blonde $50.00
The blonde put the $50 into her purse without comment, but the lawyer insisted, "What is the answer to your question?"
Without saying a word, the blonde handed him $5.
Three blondes were awaiting their entrance into the Pearly Gates. Saint Peter says they can get in, as long as they each correctly answer the question, "What is the true meaning of Easter."
The first one answers, "Um, I think that's the holiday that Santa Claus comes and gives toys to everybody."
Saint Peter says, "No, I'm sorry."
He asks the second one the same question. She says, "I think that's the holiday that the Easter bunny comes and gives out candy to all the good little boys and girls, you know, the one with the little bunnies and chicks."
Saint Peter says, "No, I'm sorry."
He asks the third one, and by now is getting discouraged.
The third one answers, "I think Easter is the holiday where Jesus was crucified by the Romans." Saint Peter nods his head, thinking, "Finally, a smart one." She continues her explanation, "and when he died, they wrapped his body in a shrouded cloth, then hid it in a cave, moved a big rock in front of it, and on the third day, he came back to life." Saint Peter, nodding in agreement and smiling, says, "Yes, yes, you may enter the Gates!" The blonde, who by now is on a roll, says, "wait, wait, I'm not finished yet," and continues with her story. "And every Easter, they pull him out of the cave, and if he sees his shadow, it means six more weeks of winter."
The first one answers, "Um, I think that's the holiday that Santa Claus comes and gives toys to everybody."
Saint Peter says, "No, I'm sorry."
He asks the second one the same question. She says, "I think that's the holiday that the Easter bunny comes and gives out candy to all the good little boys and girls, you know, the one with the little bunnies and chicks."
Saint Peter says, "No, I'm sorry."
He asks the third one, and by now is getting discouraged.
The third one answers, "I think Easter is the holiday where Jesus was crucified by the Romans." Saint Peter nods his head, thinking, "Finally, a smart one." She continues her explanation, "and when he died, they wrapped his body in a shrouded cloth, then hid it in a cave, moved a big rock in front of it, and on the third day, he came back to life." Saint Peter, nodding in agreement and smiling, says, "Yes, yes, you may enter the Gates!" The blonde, who by now is on a roll, says, "wait, wait, I'm not finished yet," and continues with her story. "And every Easter, they pull him out of the cave, and if he sees his shadow, it means six more weeks of winter."
Now, now, Catherine, let's not go overboard shall we?
My mother is 84, has had several strokes that have left her - in her words - as dingy as a bat. Still, when I ask her what she'd like to do, she says "well, let's see what sort of mischief we can get into..."
Remember, growing old is mandatory, growing up is optional
Rick
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lol
I don't MIND blonde jokes, but just so ya'll realize, WE are the last group that it is socially acceptable to mock, which is sort of interesting....
so...I can't tell the punch line because it has an ethnic component, (something about laying bricks) which is ironic since so does having blonde hair. Now, is THAT fair?:11doh: One you can say and it is perfectly okay, but the other one would get me vacationed.
I think blonde jokes have replaced sexists jokes about women because now all the "other" women have jumped on the bandwagon. We blondes have been left defenseless by our sisters.
I actually enjoy most ethnic humor, including blonde jokes, which are ethnic jokes.
I don't MIND blonde jokes, but just so ya'll realize, WE are the last group that it is socially acceptable to mock, which is sort of interesting....
so...I can't tell the punch line because it has an ethnic component, (something about laying bricks) which is ironic since so does having blonde hair. Now, is THAT fair?:11doh: One you can say and it is perfectly okay, but the other one would get me vacationed.
I think blonde jokes have replaced sexists jokes about women because now all the "other" women have jumped on the bandwagon. We blondes have been left defenseless by our sisters.
I actually enjoy most ethnic humor, including blonde jokes, which are ethnic jokes.
JeffG
Contributor
The brick doesn't follow you home after ...
mike_s
Contributor
welcome to the world of "poltically correct" and those too easily offended.
Also note that it's ok one for one ethic group to make fun of another group, use the 'n.......' word, etc, but if another does the same thing, it's considered racism.
go figure.
now.. back to our schedule blonde jokes....
Now... Here is the Best Blonde Joke Ever
Dantheengineer
Contributor
This blind bloke walks into a bar. With the white cane he taps his way up to the bar and hearing the creak and groan of the floor boards as the bar tender approaches he asks for a pint of beer.
Duely, the barman serves him and he pays then takes a generous sip of brew!
He then turns to the world at large and says " I've just heard a really funny Blonde joke. Does anyone wanna hear it?"
Floor boards creak as the bar tender returns and the bar itself groans as a large man rests against it.
"Listen mate, obviously you're blind. Let me just warn you. I 6'10" and an ex wrestler. My stage name was the "blonde mauler".
The gentle man to your right is an ex marine. He got dishonourable discharged after he bit his majors nose off in a fight about nothing much and he's blonde.
To your left is Phil. Phil's a double hard Hell's angle, who's badly spelt tatoos explain all about how he likes to inflict pain on others. He's blonde too.
At the fruit machine is Alex. Looks are deceptive. Little guy, big temper. Black belt in karate, blonde.
And finally, my doorman terrance. 7' tall, bleeding knuckles from'em being dragged along and what tufts of hair poke up between the scar tissue on'is scalp is blonde.
Seriously, are you sure you wanna tell this blonde joke?"
The blind fellah laughs and says "****** me, NO! Not if i'm gonna have to explain it five times!!!"
Duely, the barman serves him and he pays then takes a generous sip of brew!
He then turns to the world at large and says " I've just heard a really funny Blonde joke. Does anyone wanna hear it?"
Floor boards creak as the bar tender returns and the bar itself groans as a large man rests against it.
"Listen mate, obviously you're blind. Let me just warn you. I 6'10" and an ex wrestler. My stage name was the "blonde mauler".
The gentle man to your right is an ex marine. He got dishonourable discharged after he bit his majors nose off in a fight about nothing much and he's blonde.
To your left is Phil. Phil's a double hard Hell's angle, who's badly spelt tatoos explain all about how he likes to inflict pain on others. He's blonde too.
At the fruit machine is Alex. Looks are deceptive. Little guy, big temper. Black belt in karate, blonde.
And finally, my doorman terrance. 7' tall, bleeding knuckles from'em being dragged along and what tufts of hair poke up between the scar tissue on'is scalp is blonde.
Seriously, are you sure you wanna tell this blonde joke?"
The blind fellah laughs and says "****** me, NO! Not if i'm gonna have to explain it five times!!!"
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