Why are so many female divers codependent?

[asha]

Gender roles? Really? That there is anyone out there still perpetuating the idea that helplessness/incompetence is attractive (or even acceptable) is shameful.

It's not just diving. I see downtrodden husbands stooped under the weight of their wives' (and their own) ski gear at the mountain, luggage at the airport, etc.

Setting up your own gear is a no-brainer. If you don't have intimate knowledge of your gear, how can you expect to solve equipment problems in the event of a failure?

If you can't even lift your own tank, how can your husband/buddy rely on you to rescue him in an emergency?

Diving is a physical sport, and an inherently dangerous one. Anyone who lacks the basic physical qualifications to participate in the sport is potentially putting themselves and/or their buddy in danger. Anyone who takes the sport so lightly that they can't be bothered to set up/check their own gear is diving dangerously. Dividing chores at home is one thing (he cooks/she cleans or he takes out the trash/she troubleshoots the cable, etc.), but I strongly believe that each diver should be responsible for his or her own equipment.

 

[TSandM]

I have to laugh at this coming up again.

Yesterday, we did a project dive at a site that involved climbing over a lot of large driftwood (logs) to get to the water. I was using a scooter, and I carried my scooter to the beach and staged it for later use.

My long-term favorite dive buddy showed up a while later, and we dove as a team. When I went back down to the beach to get my scooter, here he came, scolding me and insisting that I put that thing down, he would take care of it. I smiled sweetly and thanked him, and went back to the parking lot. I'm 58 years old, and I don't turn down much of any freely offered help!

 

[Jax]

I'm with TSandM . . . I'll not turn down any offer of help!

Not that I can't hump my own gear, but if there's a youngster wants to help and appreciates a tip . . .

 

[TSandM]

Or if some big, muscular dive buddy wants to "help the little lady", I'll let the wear and tear take its toll from HIS discs . . .

 

[Doppler]

I NEVER turn down offers of help... especially at the end of a dive... and none of my peer group (regardless of gender) feel differently.

Just saying... I would never turn down an offer of assistance from a woman.

 

[Cacia]

but if there's a youngster wants to help

yea, get a Marine to do it

they like humping stuff

just check your valves yourself...just in case they want to knock off the old lady

trust but verify

 

[Mantra]

I'd like to discuss the bitterness of female divers.

KIDDING.

My better half is a tiny wee thing - 5'8" and 50 kilos. I'm a bear of a man and twice her size. This means I get to do most of the heavy lifting of stuff before we start gearing up simply because stuff is half as heavy for me as it is for her. From that point on, though, once things start getting attached to other things, we are buddies and I need her to be skilled and competent and to do her own thing and to have my back like I have hers. I say 'I need her' like I have a choice. I don't. Neither of us does well being submissive for long - one of the reasons I love the hell outta her. I'm a sucker for a confident, capable woman. Anyway, yeah, gender roles are one thing but this is a safety issue, right?

 

[oceanbound]

I started to post a reply to one of the earlier post then noticed it was from 2008! For one thing, I've not seen but very FEW women that were as described as "co-dependent". Maybe we just travel in different groups. I was taught that if you were healthy and couldn't carry your own gear you had no business diving. So I learned to carry my own tanks and put my equipment together and everything else needed for maintenance. Do I let my dive buddy, take care of a lot of that stuff? yes! As Petunia said, we have our roles. We help each other. We know each other's gear. It's what makes good a good dive buddy. I don't usually dive without him or him I, but we can and on occasion do. Does he worry about me? yes. Do I worry about him? yes. And guess what, it makes me feel good to know he takes my safety seriously. I may not know how to fix some issues such as my reg, but I don't know how to fix my car either and won't begin to try! there are other, more experience people to do that. I am lucky in that my dive buddy can, and does, and enjoys taking care of me and our dive equipment. Those women who don't get into it fully i don't think can truly appreciate diving and have gone into it in because they wanted to please their significant other. While there is nothing wrong with that for some. It's not the majority of us from what I've seen.

 

[bowlofpetunias]

I started to post a reply to one of the earlier post then noticed it was from 2008! For one thing, I've not seen but very FEW women that were as described as "co-dependent". Maybe we just travel in different groups. I was taught that if you were healthy and couldn't carry your own gear you had no business diving. So I learned to carry my own tanks and put my equipment together and everything else needed for maintenance. Do I let my dive buddy, take care of a lot of that stuff? yes! As Petunia said, we have our roles. We help each other. We know each other's gear. It's what makes good a good dive buddy. I don't usually dive without him or him I, but we can and on occasion do. Does he worry about me? yes. Do I worry about him? yes. And guess what, it makes me feel good to know he takes my safety seriously. I may not know how to fix some issues such as my reg, but I don't know how to fix my car either and won't begin to try! there are other, more experience people to do that. I am lucky in that my dive buddy can, and does, and enjoys taking care of me and our dive equipment. Those women who don't get into it fully i don't think can truly appreciate diving and have gone into it in because they wanted to please their significant other. While there is nothing wrong with that for some. It's not the majority of us from what I've seen.

Right on! When I started diving I was pretty afraid of the water. Fish asked me if I was taking up diving to overcome my fear.. he said that wasn't a good enough reason. I remember getting rather annoyed (we weren't together then.. just friends) I told him I was the one who got to chose what was a good enough reason for me to take up diving and it had nothing to do with him so his opinion didn't really matter. I think I probably said it a bit more politely than that tho :lol:

I have overcome my fear and it was only one of the reasons I wanted to dive. I was fascinated by the creatures and I still am. Since we have gotten together fish complains that in his first 10 years of diving he did 160 dives .... the next 10 he did 500 or so and he blames me for it I prefer to dive with him but it is more to share the experience not because I have to have him around to dive.

I know with the wear and tear on my body that I will need help with the carrying the heavy stuff before I am willing to give up diving. That is annoying but I know my buddies will be glad to help when the time comes. When the time comes that I can't assemble my own gear... that will be the day I quit!

 

[Cacia]

I started to post a reply to one of the earlier post then noticed it was from 2008! For one thing, I've not seen but very FEW women that were as described as "co-dependent". Maybe we just travel in different groups. I was taught that if you were healthy and couldn't carry your own gear you had no business diving. So I learned to carry my own tanks and put my equipment together and everything else needed for maintenance. Do I let my dive buddy, take care of a lot of that stuff? yes! As Petunia said, we have our roles. We help each other. We know each other's gear. It's what makes good a good dive buddy. I don't usually dive without him or him I, but we can and on occasion do. Does he worry about me? yes. Do I worry about him? yes. And guess what, it makes me feel good to know he takes my safety seriously. I may not know how to fix some issues such as my reg, but I don't know how to fix my car either and won't begin to try! there are other, more experience people to do that. I am lucky in that my dive buddy can, and does, and enjoys taking care of me and our dive equipment. Those women who don't get into it fully i don't think can truly appreciate diving and have gone into it in because they wanted to please their significant other. While there is nothing wrong with that for some. It's not the majority of us from what I've seen.

The reverse happens too...where they say, oh yea I love diving! ..and the next thing you know, you end up at the speedway every weekend stuck putting tire warmers on a Ducati. Watch out for the tricksters, ladies.