Why are so many female divers codependent?

[starrlamia]

Come on be fair. I am not saying women aren't mechanical,etc. ( I am very mechanical, probably more than most men)
I was saying that men are naturally protective of women (yes by design). And I don't know many women who dont appreciate that trait in a man.

I guess I should have said women aren't codependent, its the man's fault as they tend to be overprotective (is that more PC?)

Actually that's called socal conditioning and has not always been a part of society. I think it is more accurate to say that people who care for each other are protective, as that type of protection transcends gender.
Im gonna leave it there, thats what happens when you take women's studies in university lol

For me, I am a tad co-dependant and that is because of anxiety, and anyone who has known anxiety can tell you that you look for something to make you feel safe to ease your anxiety, so my bf plays that role, though it hasnt lasted, that would be for the first few dives, and then i dont need him anymore

 

[sarysa]

I think region might play a role. I live in what is locally referred to as a cold water region (high 40s to low 50s, Canucks are laughing at me ) and I don't often see what the OP was talking about. The local female divers are indistinguishable from the male divers in terms of abilities and independence. (and I too have a reputation with the local boats of being "fiercely independent", hehe) There are quite a few women in various Tec programs around here too.

I HAVE noticed that tourists visiting the area are a complete mess. I remember one couple in particular (who were late and held the boat up for 30 minutes) had a bit of the dependency/codependency thing going on. They both sat out the second dive because the girlfriend was feeling "sick" (probably too cold) but they both looked pretty worn down.

I think what's going on is related to culture, but deep down enthusiasm is a major factor. The warmer the water, the easier it is to dive and the more likely you are to find marginal, unenthusiastic divers who just want to see the pretty fishies. With neither diver really all that into it, it's more likely the guy will grudgingly do the work because it'd look weirder the other way around. It's also less culturally acceptable for the guy to call the dive even if both divers are feeling miserable. But dive somewhere where diving can be inconvenient and uncomfortable, and you'll get the more serious crowd with fewer shenanigans.

 

[sheeper]

maybe because i'm on the Florida coast i see a different class of divers. Many of the women i dive with are independent, experienced divers. Several are experienced solo spearers, others solid wreck and cave divers. When i dive with one of them they are at least an equal dive buddy.
Woman who dive just to "share something with their man" are different.

 

[LaMissJude]

I'm french, and I really started to dive 12 years ago, when I was 17 years-old, with the french federation. I ate my share of machi-macho stuff, of "let me do that for you", and, depending of the instructor, being treating harder because I guess I was a 20 years old girl (sweet memories of my level 2 ).
One of the reason I moved to PADI.

Regarding my 2 years experience as a scuba diving instructor, in resorts and warm water, I saw a good share of people who have no clue about setting their gear, women and men. No clue about anything in fact, regarding safety, buoyancy, how to look after their buddy, etc etc.They relie on... me. They are dependent on me.

Now, it's true that, as a women, young and not specially big, my credibility can be hard to proove, specially with the kind of men who want to take care of everything with their wives, and also kids. Experienced or not. Some will really trust me, and some will just not listen to me at all, and tell their wives/kids what to do, set up gear and everything.
And, in my opinion, making them not safe divers and not reliable buddies. So yes it's nice to have someone who loves you and want to protect you, BUT, not at all cost. And certainly not at the cost of your own safety and independance.

I have personnaly, no problem to lift my own tank, but I can appreciate a bit of help sometimes, after a long day... I am also aware that it's my job to be abble to, and fully understand that someone of my size or smaller, if not use to, might need some help more often. And I have no problem helping them, or asking someone to do so. Not every diver has the opportunity to dive every week end, or even every vacation. And as professional, I think it's my job to make their stay confortable. I didn't say to babysit them...

At the end of an Open Water Course, I think people should be abble to set up their gear properly, to locate a leak and to do a buddy-check. They might be a bit slower, or even need a bit of help if they didn't dive for a while. Men, women, kids, it does't matter, they are all divers.

At the end of the day, I wish everybody could understand that it is NOT a matter of taking care or loving someone if you set up the gear and check everything for this loved person. What's matter it's his/her safety. And if this person is not able to take care of that kind of thing by him/herself, this person IS NOT safe, not matter how close you are and whatever you do during the dive. I wish also that the person who is "taking care of" would realize, by letting that happen, that this NOT safe for him/her.
As a certified diver, you are responsible for yourself...

 

[bowlofpetunias]

In our dive group of 7 there are 3 females. I am the only one in the group married or partnered with any of the divers. I am probably the most independant when it comes to gearing up altho my husband does tend to be the one to get the tanks out of and into the boot. We both have specific roles in the process of loading, downloading and cleaning gear for dives. We both prepare our own gear and help each other. He is better at navigating, I am better at finding things. We both play our roles and support each other. I prefer to dive with him but am more keen to dive and often dive without him. We are overall a very balanced team. I find it embarrassing when people think they need to fuss over me. Yes there are a lot of over protective men but the majority of women I have dived with are not the kind to accept mollycoddling!

 

[BluewaterSail]

At the end of the day, I wish everybody could understand that it is NOT a matter of taking care or loving someone if you set up the gear and check everything for this loved person. What's matter it's his/her safety. And if this person is not able to take care of that kind of thing by him/herself, this person IS NOT safe, not matter how close you are and whatever you do during the dive. I wish also that the person who is "taking care of" would realize, by letting that happen, that this NOT safe for him/her.
As a certified diver, you are responsible for yourself...

I couldn't agree more. When people say that they know how to do it themselves, so its no big deal, I don't buy it. Its only practice that keeps you sharp and ingrains good habits. I also worry about women who couldn't change a tire if their life depended on it.

I also have had many experiences where a gentleman tries to be helpful, but actually gets in the way. When I lived on a boat, I don't know how many times, while I was stepping on board from a dock, all of a sudden some guy would pick up the dock line and pull on it to bring the boat closer, tripping me in the process and almost landing me in the water. With gearing up for diving, I follow an organized procedure, and someone helpfully lifting the scuba setup to make it easier for me actually makes it harder.

On the other hand, we all have our limitations, and I think that it is stupid not to ask for help when you do need it. But the more we can take care of ourselves, the safer we will be.

 

[Thiad]

I just love to dive with friends and good divers - male or female, who make the diving fun and bring along a new sense of adventure to any situation. I will never say no to someone who wants to help me with a tank, but since I don't have anyone to be co-dependent on and got into SCUBA on my own - and yes, you are ultimately responsible for yourself, it really is up to me.

On the flip-side, I see SCUBA as a great equalizer. Skills are skills and it takes practice to make them perfect regardless of your gender. And if you're scared at 90', your scared. There are plenty of women out there having a great time in this sport while their beaus wait on the shore. If you want to dive to make this a "shared" experience, so be it but do it because you like it - not because he does. To me that just seems like it ruins all the fun.

 

[vcblklion]

Personally, I think this subject is a little insulting to women. I know several women divers here in L.A. and not only are they excellent divers, they know how to set up their own equipment and are very independant. I know one who is a nurse and can run circles around most of the men divers I know. I have also met lots of female divers from different skill levels on my boat dives that are capable and set up thier own equipment. I guess my point is that if you judge by a small sample of female divers you will probably come up with an inaccurate stereotype of what you're judging.

I think my biggest problem with female divers is finding one that is single to date and dive with.......

 

[lv2dive]

I had to chuckle when I saw this thread pop up again. I don't think the female divers backmounting double 130's fall into the codependent category. I have to admit, Bluewatersail, although I might could figure it out, I probably WOULD prefer help changing my tire if the need arose.

 

[Bratface]

I am an independent female diver. I got into the sport because i wanted to. There was no male in my life when I made my decision to become a diver. I think many women go into diving because their male wants them to. I believe most of the co-dependent female divers would rather be doing something else but got certified because he wanted her to. This is not a good reason to become certified.

Ladies, if you want to be a diver, do it for yourself. Learn how to haul and set up your own gear. You are responsible for you being competent, not your man. If you don't want to learn to dive, tell him so. I have seen far too many women who were obviously uncomfortable in the water.