Why are so many female divers codependent?

[bowlofpetunias]

The reverse happens too...where they say, oh yea I love diving! ..and the next thing you know, you end up at the speedway every weekend stuck putting tire warmers on a Ducati. Watch out for the tricksters, ladies.

:lol: Mine says he needs a stable of alternate dive buddies to keep me happy... but he still dives a fair bit:lol: I wonder if that would convince judge as justification for divorce..irreconcilable differences.. "here's proof...log books!" mine is still diving often enough to keep him safe

 

[BluewaterSail]

Yeah, I admit it. When someone offers to help carry the heavy stuff, I don't turn them down!

 

[asha]

Yeah, I admit it. When someone offers to help carry the heavy stuff, I don't turn them down!

Oh, for sure! But accepting offers of help is very different from expecting someone else to do it all for you

 

[oceanbound]

I didn't meet Flaski (Dave) until after I learned to dive. He liked diving with new divers as it gave him a chance to see things differently (he's been diving since HS). We weren't even dating and he was helping me learn new skills, and very patient. I had lots of anxieties but I wanted to dive BAD! I was determined to learn everything I could and get over any anxieties. Before I met him I would even go to dive events I saw listed on SB to meet other divers in hopes someone would buddy up with me. (to dive, not to date! lol) For me that was a big thing because I am not what you would call extrovert. Eventually I did meet a group of divers we have dove regularly with and Dave was one of them. Since learning to dive almost 4 years ago I am now at an average of about 100 dives a year. Determination!

 

[Thiad]

yea, get a Marine to do it

they like humping stuff

just check your valves yourself...just in case they want to knock off the old lady

trust but verify

I was a Marine and I didn't like humping stuff. But I do feel like a bit of a wuss if I need to have a guy help me with something. Kind of blows that Marine persona all to hell.

 

[Magnolia3]

I'm with TSandM . . . I'll not turn down any offer of help!

Not that I can't hump my own gear, but if there's a youngster wants to help and appreciates a tip . . .

hey no lie.. my current dive buddy is a LOT younger than me. I suffer a lot of "old lady" jokes. SHE is always telling me to "let me help". I don't turn it down.

 

[Scuba Christine]

Anyone wants to shlep my tanks, they are welcome to it.

I think this question was poorly formed, but is interesting. It reflects issues of transfer or withholding of knowledge and/or of both dominance and worry. I started diving before my partner and dive much more than he does. Our club instructor told me about couples where the more experienced diver sets up gear for both of them and is totally responsible for their dives -- preventing the less experienced diver from learning and growing as a diver.

Well..my partner would love to be the guy that has his girlfriend deal with all the gear issues, but I've been standing next to him and watching/helping him learn instead. We may be the last people off the boat, but he put his stuff together and he knows what he's doing. Sure it cuts down on my bottom time in the short term, but in the long run we will both be better divers for it I still watch him like a hawk in the water.

So, why do so many guys think it is ok to not share their knowledge with their partners and are happy to run the show, creating unsafe dive buddies for themselves?

 

[sian_f]

I've just started diving and was "inspired" to start because my boyfriend is a diver (in the navy and as a recreational diver). I wanted to be able to share the experience with him, find out what all the fuss was about and try something new. However, it also has to be for myself, and I'm already finding out what aspects of diving I enjoy, what skills I might like to learn, but also a lot about myself.

During my first open water dives he was hovering around me, checking that I was doing everything properly (as my instructor wasn't exactly present while we beginners were setting up our equipment...). Whenever he started to take over and try to show me how to do it, I started to get a little annoyed. I asked him to watch, then interrupt if I was doing anything wrong. I appreciate that he has a lot of knowledge and experience, and so I asked him if there was anything else he would do, or about the order in which he would check the equipment etc. I think he was a bit put out, as I perhaps didn't ask him in the most polite way (it being my first open water dive and needing to get everything ready at the same time as the others!). However, he does understand that I have to do these things for myself in order to be a safe diver who understands her equipment, and why things should be done the way they are done. I want to get to know my equipment, not just what to do with it, but HOW it works. I see nothing wrong with him helping to carry bags etc (aren't we told not to exert too much energy before diving ?) but I certainly won't ask him to assemble my tank and reg, for reasons that are so obviously I was shocked to hear that there are divers letting others do that for them in the first place!

It will be a long time before I am experienced enough to dive at his level, but I look forward to practicing, learning more and the day will arrive when I am ready, not before.

 

[Selchie in LB]

I'm late to this thread & read the 1st page and skipped to the last. The one quote that got my attention (paraphrased by me) I rely 100% on my husband. Wow! That tells me that if sh#* hits fan for him, he is really in big trouble! What about being a buddy?

I started diving for me after a break up. My ex- girlfriend used to dive & her father was an instructor. He hadn't been diving in years & neither had she. Funny how after we broke up I took up diving! Anyway my point is I have seen both sides of the fence. For me personally I have experienced this protectorate side of men. I am a DM and help out instructors. It's usually the older men who rush over to 'help' me don gear. They also insist I go first. That's good when entering a restaurant or store, but not when I am supervising your open water class. I don't take it personally. I have to chuckle to myself.

My LDS has never assumed that I need help with this or that. We talk diving and gear just like any other male customer. I haul my tank in and I haul it out. When doing boat dives I haul it onto the boat and haul it off the boat. I agree with many women the gear is heavy and sucks not having the body strength to move it all at once. Moving it piece wise is slower but saves the back.

As we all know once in the water women can be just as good as men with practice.

So my theory on this is men are looking for ways to spend time with their significant other. Some of these women don't want to become 'scuba wives' so they agree to start diving.

I am dating dating someone now and she does not like being in the ocean with animals around. OK so that's not going to happen! I have asked her a couple of times about diving and she always retells the story of snorkeling at Catalina and freaking out because the Garibaldis where everywhere. LOL I guess she won't become my scuba buddy any time soon. I have plenty of other divers to dive with.

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[jewelofnile69]

I schleped all my own gear when I was in the Army and still do...my husband does as little as possible. In fact, in 2011 when we were in Bonaire I had to schlep most of his gear because he had a pinched sciatic because of a burst L5/S1 that they later had to operate on. BUT, I won't complain if my hubby gets the tanks but I won't ever ask him to carry something if I am capable. But we're pretty equal when it comes to this stuff anyway as I enjoy doing my own thing. One guy we go dive with likes to carry EVERYONE'S gear...more power to him!

But I see a lot of women when we go out to dive that let the guy they are with do everything. Well, why get certified? Also, if you don't know how to set up your own gear, you shouldn't be diving IMAO.