KD8NPB
Contributor
A woman leads the local wednesday night dives out here.
Her husband shows up occasionally. He's out due to medical stuff.
Her husband shows up occasionally. He's out due to medical stuff.
Why are so many female divers codependent?
- Thread starter RumBum
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CindyMac
Contributor
In March, we took a Western Caribbean cruise. One of the stops was Belize and the hubs skipped a dive opportunity to cave-tube with me. Most of the women did not carry their own tubes to the site (a 30 minute walk). I expected to carry my own. He would have done this for me, but I generally feel I am responsible for myself and my stuff. I've always been that way.
I decided to get my certification to help me overcome some aversion to water and getting my head wet (except for shampoos). I am very, very glad that we did not cert together as he tends to hover and interfere (he would believe that he is helping). I stunned my entire family! However, if he want to tote the heavy stuff, I won't stop him!
I decided to get my certification to help me overcome some aversion to water and getting my head wet (except for shampoos). I am very, very glad that we did not cert together as he tends to hover and interfere (he would believe that he is helping). I stunned my entire family! However, if he want to tote the heavy stuff, I won't stop him!
Welcome to diving Cindy! I can tell you that the first 50 dives I really had to do a lot of self talk to get my face in the water. 600 dives later the things that scared me the most is the thing that relaxes me the most!
I found out recently that there is a medical reason that explains why I have a issue with opening my eyes under water without a mask. An Ophthalmologist explained that I have very dry eyes and there is so little of the protective film covering my eyes that it washes off very quickly and that is what causes the burning when my eyes get wet. Now that I understand I can deal with it a lot easier. I did perform the mask removal and recovery skills as needed, I am not the type to panic but I guard my mask very carefully when I dive, monitor it for flaws to avoid an unpleasant situation occurring. I have had the current catch my mask and try to pull it off a couple times but never came any closer than that to losing my mask.
It is such a great sport I hope you get to enjoy many many years of diving!
Hey. Ive seen this happen with some other women I've seen diving. But i went diving without a man, so i can't really relate. Diving is more than just going under and seeing pretty fish swim by. I like setting up my own gear. I even like lugging it around before getting in the water by myself. Not that i wouldn't appreciate big strong arms at the end of the days third dive though! 
Its my gear, my lifeline underwater. Why should i depend on someone else to take care of that. Culturally, I'm from a place where many women still don't work and live under the constant tutelage of men. But i like being in charge of myself. I hope other women start thinking of it that way too.
As for not looking good in my gear, who cares! That gorgeous manta sure doesn't get bothered by the scary lady with goggle eyes!
Happy diving folks!
Its my gear, my lifeline underwater. Why should i depend on someone else to take care of that. Culturally, I'm from a place where many women still don't work and live under the constant tutelage of men. But i like being in charge of myself. I hope other women start thinking of it that way too.
As for not looking good in my gear, who cares! That gorgeous manta sure doesn't get bothered by the scary lady with goggle eyes!
Happy diving folks!
GlowWorm
Registered
My boyfriend and I decided to get certified together to celebrate being together for 2 years. We set up all of our own gear though. Even if I wanted to depend on him for everything, I couldn't because I probably won't get to dive with him much since he is in the Navy. I do like to let him lead the dives though, but that's about where the dependency ends. :]
Sorry, a little late on this thread...
When we (instructor/dm staff at my lds) conduct OW classes, and couples are participating in the class, we generally split them up when assigning buddy teams for exactly this reason, and if anyone needs help carrying their gear or setting up, they are to rely on their buddy.
When we (instructor/dm staff at my lds) conduct OW classes, and couples are participating in the class, we generally split them up when assigning buddy teams for exactly this reason, and if anyone needs help carrying their gear or setting up, they are to rely on their buddy.
Lizard Leg
Contributor
Me and my wife, although with a limited number of dives to this point, always buddy together, even during training. But, she knew she was responsible for herself - my thoughts on the matter are - if I do everything for her, what happens when I'm not there/emergency and she's never had to do anything? Nope. You carry your gear, you break it down, you set it up, you rinse it off. Same thing for my son.
She wouldn't have it any other way, either.
She wouldn't have it any other way, either.
Just another perspective on this -- it is as bad to be unreasonably INDEPENDENT as it is to be overly dependent.
I think, for some women, it is very difficult to accept help, especially from men, because it risks being SEEN as being dependent or lesser.
I recently did a trip to Florida to cave dive. Right before the trip, I hurt my back. Carrying doubles made me feel as though someone was sticking a knife in my right sacroiliac joint with every step. A smart person wouldn't have been carrying doubles . . . but not me. In fact, even after I ARRANGED to have someone else schlep the biggest tanks, I was so embarrassed, watching her take them to the water for me, that I walked them out.
I did one dive a day on a trip across the country, and although there were many reasons for that, one of them was that it hurt too much to do more.
A smart person would have asked for, and accepted, help. In fact, I just lectured Lizard Leg about that very thing, and realized how hypocritical I was being
I think, for some women, it is very difficult to accept help, especially from men, because it risks being SEEN as being dependent or lesser.
I recently did a trip to Florida to cave dive. Right before the trip, I hurt my back. Carrying doubles made me feel as though someone was sticking a knife in my right sacroiliac joint with every step. A smart person wouldn't have been carrying doubles . . . but not me. In fact, even after I ARRANGED to have someone else schlep the biggest tanks, I was so embarrassed, watching her take them to the water for me, that I walked them out.
I did one dive a day on a trip across the country, and although there were many reasons for that, one of them was that it hurt too much to do more.
A smart person would have asked for, and accepted, help. In fact, I just lectured Lizard Leg about that very thing, and realized how hypocritical I was being
I am guilty of the too independent thing too:blush: I am trying to get more sensible tho. I have to say that if a DM or Instructor tried to make me buddy with someone other than my partner if we took a course together I would tell them to get stuffed! We dive regularly together and know each other's strengths and weaknesses. We are not co dependent but this is something we do to enjoy time together and knowing areas we may have struggled with on a course will help us encourage each other to overcome the issues.
When we took a "Chamber Dive" course the chamber operator suggested one buddy should be outside the chamber observing how their partner reacted when they were Narc'ed so they could recognize the signs if they saw it on a wet dive. IMHO knowing your buddy's likely reactions is a valuable thing!
When we took a "Chamber Dive" course the chamber operator suggested one buddy should be outside the chamber observing how their partner reacted when they were Narc'ed so they could recognize the signs if they saw it on a wet dive. IMHO knowing your buddy's likely reactions is a valuable thing!
SeahorseDeb
Contributor
My husband golfs, I scuba! Nobody touches my gear unless my buddy is assisting, or my husband wants to pack my steel tanks in the Highlander a certain way. I am a great buddy, you are my dive buddy no matter what your sex. Let's be safe, dive smart, and always trust that our pre dive plan isn't assumed...it is planned. It might be the guy I have to rescue,----- and it was, so don't be too dependent. Trust your spouse, but know your gear, tides, current, compass setting, etc. We are all too aware we could find ourselves in danger, so don't let the guys do everything. However, that dinner and glass of wine afterwards is much loved. Love my husband, but when I'm in the water, my buddies life is priority. Ladies, we are empowered!!
---------- Post Merged at 07:19 PM ---------- Previous Post was at 07:09 PM ----------
I feel the same way, and I'm petite, not muscled out and bulked up. Even before I had two surgeries on my right shoulder schlepping my steel 80 or 100 was a feat, getting to the water from my car was 95% of my dive plan! Now I need more help from my buddy, that ticks me off because I'm strongly independent. However, if I want to dive, I must accept some assistance. I understand your perspective Lynne and look to u for advice. Our future in scuba is dependent on how we take care of our bodies now. Heck, Stan Waterman will need a replacement sometime, I wonder when they'll begin taking job apps!!
---------- Post Merged at 07:19 PM ---------- Previous Post was at 07:09 PM ----------
Just another perspective on this -- it is as bad to be unreasonably INDEPENDENT as it is to be overly dependent.
I think, for some women, it is very difficult to accept help, especially from men, because it risks being SEEN as being dependent or lesser.
I recently did a trip to Florida to cave dive. Right before the trip, I hurt my back. Carrying doubles made me feel as though someone was sticking a knife in my right sacroiliac joint with every step. A smart person wouldn't have been carrying doubles . . . but not me. In fact, even after I ARRANGED to have someone else schlep the biggest tanks, I was so embarrassed, watching her take them to the water for me, that I walked them out.
I did one dive a day on a trip across the country, and although there were many reasons for that, one of them was that it hurt too much to do more.
A smart person would have asked for, and accepted, help. In fact, I just lectured Lizard Leg about that very thing, and realized how hypocritical I was being
I feel the same way, and I'm petite, not muscled out and bulked up. Even before I had two surgeries on my right shoulder schlepping my steel 80 or 100 was a feat, getting to the water from my car was 95% of my dive plan! Now I need more help from my buddy, that ticks me off because I'm strongly independent. However, if I want to dive, I must accept some assistance. I understand your perspective Lynne and look to u for advice. Our future in scuba is dependent on how we take care of our bodies now. Heck, Stan Waterman will need a replacement sometime, I wonder when they'll begin taking job apps!!
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