Why are so many female divers codependent?

[drbill]

I'm the type who helps people, not a specific gender. I hold doors for anyone who follows me (man, woman or child)... and rarely get thanked by any of them. Courtesy should be extended to all. When I'm diving with a woman (or a man), I do not offer to help unless I am asked to. I do check their gear configuration FMI (for my information) since it could be critical in the event of an emergency. My main focus when diving with others is to offer them as much information as I can/as they desire about the marine life to enhance the diving experience.

 

[princessaprilia]

For what it's worth, Dr. Bill, I'd like to thank you for all the times you haven't been thanked while holding open a door. I once thanked an automatic door (I thought the guy infront of me was holding it) and the security guard almost peed his pants from laughing so hard.

I'm not a dependant-type woman, but I have absolutely no problem asking for help with my gear. I ask my DM, my buddy, or perfect strangers that are near me. I'll ask men for help, I'll ask women for a hand. I'm also a scuba-infant, and I'll probably need less help as I get better, but I currently don't care who helps me. In return, I will offer a hand to someone with a twisted strap, and will carry tanks for someone (male or female) if all my stuff is handled.

It's too bad that some people equate getting help with a perceived inadequacy.

 

[stormysea]

Now I am a bit worried. I am a new diver and often get help with my tanks. Sometime I need help to get my gear into the boat after my second dives as I am too tired to get up into the boat with it on. I have a reason, I had major kidney surgery in June. However I haven't shared this information with my whole dive club. I wonder if they think I am too dependant and get sick of helping me out. Maybe I should wait until I am stronger before diving again.

 

[Sas]

Now I am a bit worried. I am a new diver and often get help with my tanks. Sometime I need help to get my gear into the boat after my second dives as I am too tired to get up into the boat with it on. I have a reason, I had major kidney surgery in June. However I haven't shared this information with my whole dive club. I wonder if they think I am too dependant and get sick of helping me out. Maybe I should wait until I am stronger before diving again.

I personally don't mind helping the same people a lot with their gear! Some people are just physically weaker and when I know someone struggles a bit with their gear (especially the lifting part) I usually go out of my way to help them out. I mean if they are wanting their tank set up or me to carry their fins I'd probably be thinking they were a bit dependent but helping people in and out of boats, or helping them put their tank on their back, doesn't bother me! For one thing, the vast majority of people need help at one point or another, some just need it a bit more. I've always been able to lift myself out of the water except for one occassion when I cramped up climbing up the ladder in very rough seas. The DM had to drag me on the boat and I was very greatful for the help

I hope you recover quickly from your surgery! I guess waiting until you are stronger, that is really your call (and your doctors I guess!) but I would hope your dive club members do not mind helping you out in the mean time! Maybe just let them know the situation if you are worried?

 

[stormysea]

My DI knows and my hubby knows and they are the ones that help me when I need it. I can do everything myself except carry around the tanks. On the weekend dive my DI carried my BC down to the water on our shore dive because it was so far and I doned it in the water. I could have done it myself but it would have made me tired and I may not have enjoyed my dive as much as I did.

I was just worried that the rest of the divers are watching this and judging me.

 

[Soakedlontra]

My DI knows and my hubby knows and they are the ones that help me when I need it. I can do everything myself except carry around the tanks. On the weekend dive my DI carried my BC down to the water on our shore dive because it was so far and I doned it in the water. I could have done it myself but it would have made me tired and I may not have enjoyed my dive as much as I did.

I was just worried that the rest of the divers are watching this and judging me.

Focusing on what other divers think of you because you don't carry your gear yourself and need help due to your surgery should be the last of your worries.

As Saspotato mentioned earlier let them know about your health situation.

Best wishes for a fast recovery and happy diving!

 

[Soakedlontra]

Soaked, when we dive in a couple of weeks, I'll bring several different computers for you to have a look at . . . Peter will have a Cobra and a Vytec, and I'll bring a Mosquito and an Aladin Tech 2g, and a Liquivision that everybody can drool over.

My brain is already spinning...I am glad I was able to use only one! The fact that it was similar to my buddy's helped me to use it without complications. Thanks for letting me use it!

I saw this thread during the weekend. We were running an entire emergency room at top speed with an entirely female crew, docs and nurses. No dependent people of any kind there!

As I discovered recently, in case of emergency I am still totally dependent and I don't have a clue on how to solve this problem. I like to think that my instinct will guide me during an underwater emergency if it ever happens before I am proficient in carrying out air share, controlled ascent etc...

 

[scubajb]

I think my wife was "codependent" at the beginning of her dive life. She enjoyed it but really wasn't as excited about it as I was (am). she is a far better swimmer, smarter, cuter, looks better in a bikini, and is definitely capable of taking care of herself. I think she just let me do a lot of it because it was "my thing". After a trip to the caymans where my son had a near-miss with a weight belt at 40 feet, she started taking it a lot more serious. Now she has her rescue cert and wants to do everything herself which I think is cool. she still isn't as "into" diving as I am but she is a totally capable and solid dive buddy. I will always keep an eye on her though, just like I constantly watch my son. Not a confidence issue - she knows what she is doing, it's a protective one as a husband and father and ultimately my codependence on her... I will always show her the respect of meeting her where she wants to be met and, I will always offer to carry her stuff and get "credits" for doing things for her, but that is out of selfish motives...

 

[princessaprilia]

My husband is aware of the value of "gear-carrying credits".

 

[gNats]

I'm not a dependant-type woman, but I have absolutely no problem asking for help with my gear. I ask my DM, my buddy, or perfect strangers that are near me. I'll ask men for help, I'll ask women for a hand. I'm also a scuba-infant, and I'll probably need less help as I get better, but I currently don't care who helps me. In return, I will offer a hand to someone with a twisted strap, and will carry tanks for someone (male or female) if all my stuff is handled.

It's too bad that some people equate getting help with a perceived inadequacy.

Hey Princess,

In the very beginning, I was bound and determined to do it all on my own. Zip my wetsuit, carry my tanks... blahblahblah.

This weekend when enjoying a pleasure dive with my instructor, I asked him to carry my tank, lift my bc, and give me a starter zip on my dry suit. He laughed, because he remembered my "do it myself attitude". He asked me if he was my pack mule!