Why are so many female divers codependent?

[diverns]

This is a great thread and I'm so glad I read it... I'm new to both diving and the forum and I felt I needed to ring in. I've only got 10 dives in, and took my OW class with a close friend - male, MUCH less conservative then I (but still concerned with safety), naturally confident, etc. He's also just naturally a nice guy and while we're chatting and I'm tending to something different he'll saunter over and deal with my tank/regs, etc. (I would do the same for him but he's faster). I'm also WAY too dependant on him for navigation and even without having read this thread, that's been bothering me.

So here goes - I'm an independant woman from now on! lol He has no real desire to make me co-dependant and I certainly have no desire to BE co-dependant.... but we were headed that way. Thanks for giving me a shake! I love my buddy and diving with him, but we're not in a relationship which means I'll be diving independantly of him and am going to need the tools to do so.

 

[gNats]

I love my buddy and diving with him, but we're not in a relationship which means I'll be diving independantly of him and am going to need the tools to do so.

This is exactly the position I am in. As a single diver gal, I never know who my next buddy may be.

I will tell you that every person you dive with will have their own "habits". Married dive couples are lucky, they can fall into a routine that is consistent and safe. That's why I prefer my buddies not assist, I have to be the consistent routine in my dive plan.

I encourage a pre-dive safety check with each buddy where we double-check each other's equipment, but prefer to organize and hook up my own equipment.

 

[princessaprilia]

Hey Nat,

Didn't your instructor read the PADI legal-eze that explains his role as pack mule?

Yeah, having your spouse as your dive buddy is great, and not so great. We are comfortable with each other, can quickly recognize when something is wrong, we even have the same gear - so in an emergency we don't have to waste thought about it. He's stronger than I am so carries the gear; I'm smarter than he is so I plan the dives.

But the problem is that he is no where near as obsessed as I am. If he didn't dive at all, I could say, "You go hunting, I'm going diving, see you on Monday". I'm already a more comfortable diver than he is, and if I get lots more experience than he does, I'm a bit afraid that he's going to start getting frustrated.

I'm sure this won't be a problem after our 100th dive, but I think the difference in skill this early in the game is significant.

 

[gNats]

He's stronger than I am so carries the gear; I'm smarter than he is so I plan the dives.

But the problem is that he is no where near as obsessed as I am. If he didn't dive at all, I could say, "You go hunting, I'm going diving, see you on Monday".

Hi April,

Yes, but him running off hunting while you go diving adds its own complexities. For example, you KNOW that he is off hunting with other guys, who are most likely belching, farting, and telling crude jokes. No harm there right?

But, how will he handle you running off diving with most likely a group of male buddies?

When I meet new people, (okay, single men) who are non-divers, I find on the first date I am questioning whether a) he would ever get as passionate to diving as I am and b) if he doesn't like to dive, would he be jealous of me running off diving with all my male buddies all weekend?

I should post that question in the forum. How many women dive whose husbands/SO do not dive and how do they deal with the other-gender diving buddies? I bet there would be some interesting comments.

Okay - I need a diversion. This network architect class I am in is killing me. I'll post something.

 

[susiediver]

not me im an ocean swimmer and diver I got into it all by myself ...i suit up assembly and carry my own gear ...need some advice tho on which bc to get im replacing my bc, want to get the new aqua lung pearl ...not sure tho...I like the mares allikai anyone have any of those bcs can you give me some input on which to get?

 

[GCScubaDiva]

I must admit, the whole dependency issue seems to be getting worse over the years. I have been around diving for most of my life and times have changed, I remember watching my dad do his BSAC OW with a bunch of guys and one women and she was treated exactly the same as the men. Last week I went out on a dive and of the 4 women aboard, two seemed to have no clue on their gear there SO's put their gear on them, assembled and disassembled it. If you have to have someone put your gear together you should not have passed OW, it your gear your responsibility

 

[MeiLing]

I must admit, the whole dependency issue seems to be getting worse over the years. I have been around diving for most of my life and times have changed, I remember watching my dad do his BSAC OW with a bunch of guys and one women and she was treated exactly the same as the men. Last week I went out on a dive and of the 4 women aboard, two seemed to have no clue on their gear there SO's put their gear on them, assembled and disassembled it. If you have to have someone put your gear together you should not have passed OW, it your gear your responsibility

I think that this is just a symptom of a greater societal problem. Nowadays, way too many operators are will to sacrifice the quality of their training in search of the almightly dollar. After all, if you don't pass them, you can't sell them gear and that is where the money is. Sad!

 

[SeaSoulSelf]

I prefer to set up my own gear and break it down. I only ask for help when I can't get a good angle to lift my tank and could risk injury (vertically challenged). AND although my spouse is my numero uno dive buddy, if he skips a dive, I am still able to go.

Have been on the boats where women let their hubbies set up gear.

For those who want to learn, I recommend a gear class. OH, one more thing to my advantage: could have something to do with my dad teaching me as a teenager how to change a flat, my own oil, spark plugs, hunt, fish, etc

;-)

 

[Diver Kat]

Well I started diving with a bit of a push from my DH - not for lack of interest, but stupidly I thought I was getting too old. However, once the bug bit - Day 1 in the pool - I was hooked, and totally prepared to make sure I was 100% trained. As the only woman in the class, I felt I had to make sure no one thought I was just relying on the DH to get by. And I guess since then, nothing much has changed. Well, other than seeing too many female divers relying on their male dive buddy to do everything for them - carry their gear, set it up, tell them what to do .... it's downright embarrassing! It's really pushed me even more in the other direction and in fact I may be a bit too independent - I blew out 5 discs in my back a couple years ago, and it's still a struggle to let someone help me carry the gear, or the tanks. That's not to say I haven't met a good number of smart, self sufficient women divers on my trips .... but I think it's those that purposely let someone else take care of everything because it's easier than actually learning themselves, that give the rest of us a bad taste!

 

[rhadamantus]

it really is simple- if you are into diving because you love it- you will always know your way around- just like the rest of the men diving. it is when you are being dragged into diving with some guy you are seeing or dating or married to and that diving really isn't your cup of tea- then you'd be less enthusiastic about finding your own way...