Ocean related groaners...

[joewr]

I thought it was Ear-ville...or maybe Ear-vinyl...

Ear-vinyl, a long-lasting, non biodegradable form of ear-wax. Hmmm...could I patent that?


Joewr...who is not now, nor has ever been a member of the Mouseketeers.

 

[The Chairman]

This line of humor does not EARitate too many people. It might be too EARly to tell if we have had an EARful of this nonsense. It could be EARs before we recover, or it could even be EAReconcilable. Sign me stuck in my EARant ways...

:tease:

What ever happend to the groaners, anyway??? Walter, come back and get everyone back on track!!!

 

[Walter]

.....in fact, he's not even in Orange County.

Old Millwater didn't really make Milwaukee famous either.

Groaners? I've been diving off Panama City, I haven't had time for groaners. For trip reports go to http://diverlink.com/forum/

WWW™

 

[plongere]

Once upon a time there was a marine biology professor who had every kind of marine animal in his aquarium. He was proud of this fact until he read in last month's Rodale's magazine about this island where some immortal porpoise's lived.

Well he had to have one for is exhibit, so he went to this island. On the way to the island he picked up some immortal poupoise's favorite food, which as all good divers know it is the common seagull. On his travels to the island he encountered good and bad news (like most adventures). The bad news was he didn't have a boat to get to the island. The good news was there was a bridge over to the island, but alas more bad news, there was a lion asleep at the foot of the bridge with a Washington State University sweatshirt on.

Well thought the biologist, the lion is asleep so there shouldn't be any problem here. He takes the gull, carefully puts it into his left hand and steps across the lion. But just as he steps, the lion wakes up and eats him and the seagull.

Do you know what the moral of the story is?????


*************************************************

You never take a gull across a state lion for immortal porpoises.

(How did I do doc?)

 

[Belushi]

Well, just for the sheer groan value ...

How do crazy people go through the forest?
they take the psycho path.

how do you get holy water?
you boil the hell out of it.

what do fish say when they hit a concrete wall?
damn!

what do eskimos get from sitting on the ice too long?
polaroids.

what do you call a boomerang that doesn't work?
a stick.

what do you call cheese that isn't yours?
nacho cheese.

what do you call santa's helpers?
subordinate clauses.

what do you get from a pampered cow?
spoiled milk.

what do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
frostbite.

what lies at the bottom of the ocean and twitches?
a nervous wreck.

what's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
anyone can roast beef

why don't blind people like to sky dive?
because it scares the hell out of the dog.

what kind of coffee was served on the titanic?
sanka.

what is the difference between a harley and a hoover?
the location of the dirt bag.

why does a pilgrim's pants always fall down?
because they wear their belt buckle on their hat.

what is the difference between a bad golfer and a bad skydiver?
a bad golfer goes, whack, damn.
a bad skydiver goes, damn, whack.

how do you catch a unique rabbit?
unique up on it.

how do you catch a tame rabbit?
tame way, unique up on it.

what do you call skydiving lawyers?
skeet.

what goes clop, clop, clop, bang, bang, clop clop clop?
an amish drive-by shooting.

how are a texas tornado and a tennessee divorce the same?
somebody's gonna lose a trailer.

 

[Walter]

Jim and Donna, excellent attempt. Now you have to work on technique. Mislead. Avoid using the exact words in the build up that exist in the pun. Sometimes you have no choice. Use dolphin instead of porpoise, they live forever, sea gull instead of gull. Spring it on them at the end. This particular groaner is better if the lion remains asleep (I never use a shirt, instead he's escaped from the state zoo). The guy is arrested for violation of the Mann act.

Belushi, sorry buddy those are not groaners.

WWW™

 

[FinMeister]

Once more into the breach . . .

A woman has twins, and gives them up for adoption. One of them goes to a family in Egypt and is named "Amal." The other goes to a family in Spain; they name him "Juan." Years later, Juan sends a picture of himself to his Mom. Upon receiving the picture, she tearfully tells her husband that she wishes she also had a picture of Amal. Her husband responds, "But they're twins! If you've seen Juan, you've seen Amal."

 

[MrMrEZG]

uncle Boudreaux anhis wife, Clotile, were parents of a set of twin boys. At thier birth Taunt Clotile was put under, so uncle Boudreaux had to name the boys. since they were on oppisite sides of the nursery at the time they became Far Boudreaux and Away Boudreaux.

Fast foward a few years and the boys and uncle Boudreaux have taken a liken to spearfishing. While fishing on Mobile block 502 about 30 miles out of Grand Isle, LA (in the gulf of mexico). The 3 of them were at 175fsw when suddently from out of nowhere a HUGE red snapper just swims up and eats Far. So uncle Boudreaux and Away start for the surface when an even bigger red snapper swims up and eats uncle Boudreaux's only remaining son.

Now uncle Boudreaux is back on the boat. He tells the crew about what happened to Far and the people are just in total shock. Then uncle Boudreaux says......

That was nothing you should have seen the one that got Away.

 

[Walter]

EZ, where's the pun?

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[MrMrEZG]

"The one that got Away"