brendanrtw
Guest
Hear about the oyster that went to the disco?
He pulled a mussell!
He pulled a mussell!
Ocean related groaners...
- Thread starter The Chairman
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MSilvia
Contributor
Modification of groaner originally posted by Walter
There was once a frog (yes a frog) who needed a loan, so he headed over to a bank. Hopping up to a teller he asked if he could get a loan. The teller informed him he'd need to talk to the loan officer, Patty Black. The frog hopped over to her office where she discussed the various principles the bank follows in making loans. She asked him if he had any collateral. The frog didn't understand the concept. The loan officer explained it to him. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a tiny sculpture of an elephant. He asked if that would serve. She didn't know what to make of it, so she explained she'd have to talk with the bank president. She asked the bank president into her office and explained the situation, then held up the sculpture and said she didn't know what it was. The bank president glanced at the sculpture and began to shake his head, when the frog asked if he could have a word in private with him. The loan officer stepped out, and the frog explained that the figurine had a great deal of sentimental and collectable value, as it had been a gift from his father Mick Jagger. "You mean the musician?" asked the bank president. The frog nodded, and the president called the loan officer back into the office. "Well," she asked, "what is that thing?"
"It's a knick nack Patty Black. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
There was once a frog (yes a frog) who needed a loan, so he headed over to a bank. Hopping up to a teller he asked if he could get a loan. The teller informed him he'd need to talk to the loan officer, Patty Black. The frog hopped over to her office where she discussed the various principles the bank follows in making loans. She asked him if he had any collateral. The frog didn't understand the concept. The loan officer explained it to him. He reached into his pocket and pulled out a tiny sculpture of an elephant. He asked if that would serve. She didn't know what to make of it, so she explained she'd have to talk with the bank president. She asked the bank president into her office and explained the situation, then held up the sculpture and said she didn't know what it was. The bank president glanced at the sculpture and began to shake his head, when the frog asked if he could have a word in private with him. The loan officer stepped out, and the frog explained that the figurine had a great deal of sentimental and collectable value, as it had been a gift from his father Mick Jagger. "You mean the musician?" asked the bank president. The frog nodded, and the president called the loan officer back into the office. "Well," she asked, "what is that thing?"
"It's a knick nack Patty Black. Give the frog a loan. His old man's a Rolling Stone."
doll_fins
Guest
Three people are sent off on a scavenger hunt and the person who comes back with every item wins. They have to find among other things, a piece of fruit, an innertube from a bicycle tire, a matchbook from a club, (just to keep with the theme..) a weight belt, and a musical instrument.
The first two people have no luck. One can't find a bicycle innertube, and the other is not scuba-inclined so can't find a weight belt. But the third person is on a roll. He scours the globe finding each of the items. His last stop is the matchbook.
To celebrate before heading back to base, he stops into a new Bay area dance club for a few beverages before picking up the matchbook and heading back to base.
When he arrives, he drops all his scavenged treasures in front of the judges and awaits his reward...
The judges look through the loot and say to him "You didn't find an instrument?!"
He looks at his pile of items and scratches his head trying to figure out what happened to it. He was sure he had it...
"Oh no! I left my harp in San Fran's disco!"
The first two people have no luck. One can't find a bicycle innertube, and the other is not scuba-inclined so can't find a weight belt. But the third person is on a roll. He scours the globe finding each of the items. His last stop is the matchbook.
To celebrate before heading back to base, he stops into a new Bay area dance club for a few beverages before picking up the matchbook and heading back to base.
When he arrives, he drops all his scavenged treasures in front of the judges and awaits his reward...
The judges look through the loot and say to him "You didn't find an instrument?!"
He looks at his pile of items and scratches his head trying to figure out what happened to it. He was sure he had it...
"Oh no! I left my harp in San Fran's disco!"
A preacher for a small town church wanted to repaint the church's steeple which had grown dull and dirty. He checked the coffers and found that he only had $25 available for the job but needed 2 gallons of paint to complete the job. Being a resourceful man that he was, he sent one the parish kids to pick up a gallon of water-based paint and a bucket from the local hardware store. When the kid got back, the preacher mixed a gallon of water with the gallon of paint, making two gallons of rather thin paint. This they applied to the steeple with much haste and found that it did indeed look wonderful. Just as they were finishing up cleaning up their painting gear, a rainstorm hit and washed away all of the paint. The preacher looked towards the heavens are cried, "Lord why have thou foresaken my attempt to paint this steeple on you church, what can I do!?!" Just then, the clouds broke and a booming voice came from on high, "Repaint, and thin no more!"
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