Emergency news weather broadcast from our local station... PU2U2 Channel 8 News...
"This is Harvey Backwater coming to you from Gainesville, Florida. Hurricane Ivan has set his sights on Central Florida and is expected to dump over seven feet of rain in less than an hour on most of Central Florida. Flood stages for most rivers will be 397 feet above sea level which means anyone South of the Great Smokey Mountains has been urged to move inland. Looking at his projected path, Ivan will spiral into the state from Tallahassee. After failing to graduate from a lower rated facility, he will continue to Gainesville, Florida where it will find a REAL University to attend. Shortly after that, it will attend Central Florida Community College for undergraduate studies in meteorology, nautical calculus, and basketweaving. Ivan has stated in an exclusive interview with this station that it will in fact be taking over the Gulf Coast and settling in for quite some time. He has seen some investment property for sale cheap in South Florida and is planning for his financial futures in Real Estate specializing in Coastal Communites. Hurricane Ivan's little brother, Romanisch Petervich Viedermonick Bandrovitchnaya, will be moving here in the late fall to attend Community College in Orlando. Thus finishing off both Hurricane Season and the Fall Semester with a bang. Their sister, whose name we will not even ATTEMPT to pronounce, will be waiting until NEXT year to make the Atlantic crossing to stop for a short time in Jamaica for a Summer vacation. We now return you to your regularly scheduled program currently in progress,... Psychotropic Drugs and their effects on Elephant Seals in Wisconsin."