Divers Song Parodies

[The Chairman]

No Air Left for Me…
Sung to the tune of “No Time” by ???

No air left for me.
There's no air left for me
(I just gotta breathe)
No air left for me.
There's just no air left for me
(I guess I just gotta leave!)

There's no air to take a little swim.
I know just what a jam I'm in
No, there's no air for that dive I planned
Hope that I can still call Dan.

(refrain)

Not a breath for little ol' me
Should have looked at my SPG!!!
No time for a safety stop
I think I heard my left lung pop!

No AIR!!! No AIR!!!
I ain't, I ain't, I ain't got no air.
No AIR!!! No AIR!!!
I ain't, I ain't, I ain't got no air.


“Let it Breathe”
Sung to “Let it Be”, with apologies to Paul McCartney and all Beatles fans.

When I find myself in troubled waters
My old instructor comes to me
Giving me pearls of wisdom
Please just Breathe!

And when I am entangled
At the bottom of the deep blue sea
Take a moment, think,
Then just Breathe

Please just breathe,
Don't hold your breath!
It will only
Lead to death
There will be an answer
Please just breathe

And when I see my buddy
freakin' out in front of me,
I'll be signing to him
Please just breathe

If he just listens to me
There is still a chance that he may be
Diving again tomorrow!
Please just breathe!

Please just breathe, please just breathe
Please just breathe, please just breathe!
You can dive some more tomorrow
Please just breathe!

:tease:

 

[The Chairman]

This thread continues on "Hey ScubaDweeb". DOne by accident... is there a Regulator in the house that can marry these two threads???

 

[scubadweeb]

NetDoc,
It's the Guess Who that sings; "no time left for you..." (I mean, "No air left for me"). I too had to run off for a breather - or better said, had to feed the family the ribs that I began BBQing 6 hours before. Good ole' Texas Baby Back Ribs with special hot & spicy home made BBQ sauce, corn on the cob & baked potatoes. Now that I'm so stuffed I can barely breathe and am working on my 3rd Dos XX, think I'll read BOTH threads again -- the laughing will give me a much needed work out.

No matter, you've got quite a talent and we're all looking forward to some great lyrics. Oceanspirit is working on lyrics for American Pie...can't wait!

 

[Liquid]

Ok, I'll follow the croud, let me try as well.

To the lyrics of Tracy Chapman's "For my lover"

Two week on a virgin island cruise
With my lover with my lover
Twenty thousand dollar bill
For my lover for my lover

And everybody thinks
That I'm insane
But they dont get
Any air from you

The things we wont do for love
I'd sweem an entire ocean if I had to
Make another dive so I could have you
You you you you you

Evryday I'm multidived
With my lover with my lover
They push me up and I keep going down
With my lover with my lover

I follow my heart
And start to ponder
Deep under the sea
Where no man can see
I follow my heart
And start to wonder
Is this love worth
Marring an aluminum 80 tank?

 

[Warhammer]

Can't marry them, or move the individual posts here, but I changed the name of the ScubaDweeb thread to "Diver Parodies Continued" and closed this one. Maybe KN or LD can rearrange it later.

BTW, people, if you're wandering who that is in the manuver pic, it's NetDoc!

 

[Greg G.]

My "99 bottles" parody pailed in comparison to the others. So, I came up with this one. It's actually a parody of a parody. Dedicated to all those who have been on charters from Hell.

With apologies to Wierd Al and Queen

[red]Another One Boards the Boat[/red]

(Another One Bites The Dust/Queen/1980)
(Another One Rides the Bus/Wierd Al Yankovick)

Goin' on a dive down in Cozumel,
And the boat was pretty packed.
Couldn't find a place to stow my gear,
so I had to leave it on my back.
It was smellin' like old diesel fumes,
There was gear all over the floor.
We're already packed like sardines,
But they're signing up some more!
Look out!

Another one boards the boat-ah.
Another one boards the boat-ah.
And another one boards,
And another one boards.
Another one boards the boat-ah.
Hey!
He’s gonna get on board.
Another one boards the boat.

There's a first stage pokin' me in the ribs.
There's a snorkel in my ear.
There's a wetsuit diver standin' next to me
who hasn't cleaned it in a year.
Well, I think I'm missin' an o-ring seal.
I think my mask is gone.
And I think DM is gonna let,
even more divers get on.
Look out!

Another one boards the boat-ah.
Another one boards the boat-ah.
And another one boards,
And another one boards.
Another one boards the boat-ah.
Hey!
He’s gonna get on board.
Another one boards the boat.

Another one boards the boat.
Another one boards the boat--ow!
Another one boards the boat--hey, hey!
Another one boards the boat--hey-y-y-y!

The DM’s a jerk, and the head is broke,
And I really have to pee.
Haven't been on a crowded boat like this
Since the Coast Guard Academy.
Well, we shoulda left an hour ago,
but the skipper’s still not here.
There isn't any room to move,
but they're gonna sign up more, yeah!

Another one boards the boat-ah.
Another one boards the boat-ah.
And another one boards,
And another one boards.
Another one boards the boat-ah.
Hey!
He’s gonna get on board.
Another one boards the boat.

 

[Ontario Diver]

How's this? It's from the Dolphin's POV

The Dolphin's Song (Apologies to the Irish Rovers, now know as the Rovers)

A short swim ago, over a reef with water so clean,
Ran into the weirdest kind of swimmers that I'd ever seen;
They'd grab on all the coral and keep kicking the sand,
No bouyancy control had the Diver Man.

I swim with green deep sea turtles and the moray eels,
Big honking white Belugas and some Leopard Seals,
Cold seas, near quays and in hurricane lees, but that aint no dive plan,
No bouyancy control had the Diver Man.

Now I've seen a lot of critters but these ones are strange
It's the awefulest configuration that God could arrange
A dorsal fin of metal and the eyes made of glass
And an aft fin that got split up to thier A##.

I swim with green deep sea turtles and the moray eels,
Big honking white Belugas and some Leopard Seals,
Cold seas, near quays and in hurricane lees, but that aint no dive plan,
No bouyancy control had the Diver Man.

They keep blowing out these bubbles that scare the fish,
They just keep using their hands instead of fins that swish,
They're in bad shape and overweight, They really should be banned
Try bouyancy control, you Diver Man

I swim with green deep sea turtles and the moray eels,
Big honking white Belugas and some Leopard Seals,
Cold seas, near quays and in hurricane lees, but that aint no dive plan,
No bouyancy control had the Diver Man.

They're still flailing around like some kind of loser,
Doing something that they call a Warhammer Maneuver,
I know what I'd say to a Great White Shark so grand,
"Oh, will you come and eat the Diver Man"

I swim with green deep sea turtles and the moray eels,
Big honking white Belugas and some Leopard Seals,
Cold seas, near quays and in hurricane lees, but that aint no dive plan,
No bouyancy control had the Diver Man.

Now looking at a watch, they gesture with thumb,
Ascending too fast, don't they know is dumb,
Maybe they'll stay on the beach and get a nice tan,
Don't come back down here, bad Diving Man.

I swim with green deep sea turtles and the moray eels,
Big honking white Belugas and some Leopard Seals,
Cold seas, near quays and in hurricane lees, but that aint no dive plan,
No bouyancy control had the Diver Man.

 

[keralucu]

It must be Monday... because I am under my desk, holding my stomach in, laughing at all your hard work on these parodies...

Excellent lyrics, guys - please do not stop!

 

[The Chairman]

I have been racking my brain (took a couple of secs) to wring out the right words to the revisiting of the Edmund Fitzgerald.

Ontario Diver went down to a wreck one day
In the big lake they call Gitchagoomie
They had had a bad storm, so the vis was way bad
At three meters it was positively gloomy!

He had a big tank and had a pony bottle too
He was really geared up for big trouble
But the sight that he saw on the wreck that dark morn
Made even him scream through his bubbles!

His buddy got scared and he tried to bolt
But Ontario Diver did stop him
They swam to the aft of that ill fated boat
As an eerie chill went through them!

The apparition stared deep into the hold
Of the big ship that rested on the bottom
His appearance and clothes, well they looked very old
His sodden expression was ashen

Ontario Diver, he finally realized
What this ghost was tryin’ to show him
For it was all of that ore, and not the captains fault
That had sunk the Edmund Fitzgerald!

The captain was slowly nodding his head
As Ontario Diver started ascending
The poor old lost soul had finally cleared his name
In this tragic old ship’s final ending!

Ontario Diver went down to a wreck one day
In the big lake they call Gitchagoomie
They had had a bad storm, so the vis was way bad
At three meters it was positively gloomy

:tease:

 

[Ontario Diver]

Diving Wrecks Is So Neat
(Dancing in the Street: Martha and the Vandellas, Van Halen, Bowie and Jagger)

Loading gear on to the boat
Searching for the best sunken treat
My buddy's here and the viz is right
For diving wrecks is so neat

Going down on Saratoga
Andrea Doria too
See the Empress of Ireland
All we need is water, deep water
There are shipwrecks everywhere
There'll be picture taking, memories making
Diving wrecks is so neat

Oh it doesn't matter how it sunk
Its history, don't call it junk
So come on ev'ry one grab your tank
Going down, where she sank
We'll be diving
Cause diving wrecks is so neat

I got an inclination for wreck penetration
Inside the wreck is really sweat
I brought my reel wound tight, a halogen light
Diving wrecks is so neat
RMS Rhones in BVI
U-boats of the coast of N.C. now
Can't forget the Yongala
All we need is water, deep water
There are shipwrecks everywhere
There'll be picture taking, memories making
Diving wrecks is so neat

Oh it doesn't matter how it sunk
Its history, don't call it junk
So come on ev'ry one grab your tank
Going down, where she sank


We'll be diving
Diving wrecks is so neat