JasonH20
Guest
How many lawyer jokes are there?
Three, the rest are actually true stories.
(I heard that on NPR's "Car Talk")
Three, the rest are actually true stories.
(I heard that on NPR's "Car Talk")
Best Lawyer Story
- Thread starter Quarrior
- Start date
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Best part of this thread is your title, "Best Lawyer Story", at least it's posted in the humor section.
The Truth:
A little too slick to be true, and it isn't. No evidence of this case has ever been found and it has been around as an urban legend since at least 1968 when we first ran across it and researched it.
http://www.truthorfiction.com/rumors/c/cigars-fire-ins.htm
The Truth:
A little too slick to be true, and it isn't. No evidence of this case has ever been found and it has been around as an urban legend since at least 1968 when we first ran across it and researched it.
http://www.truthorfiction.com/rumors/c/cigars-fire-ins.htm
JasonH20
Guest
You see a lawyer and an IRS agent drowning in a lake. Do you?
A) Go get lunch.
B) Go get a hair cut.
C) Make arrangements for your next dive vacation.
(From NPR too. Can't remember the exact choices, but you get the idea )
A) Go get lunch.
B) Go get a hair cut.
C) Make arrangements for your next dive vacation.
(From NPR too. Can't remember the exact choices, but you get the idea
)
D_O_H
Contributor
This is one of my favorites:
A little old lady walks into a lawyer's office and asks him to make a few quick changes to her will. The lawyer tells the lady he can make the changes, but it will cost $100. The lady agrees and after a few minutes of work the lawyer hands over the revised will. The lady thanks him, takes a crisp $100 bill out of her purse and hands it to the lawyer.
Just as the lady is walking out the door, the lawyer notices that she accidentally gave him two $100 bills stuck together.
He has a severe moral dilema. Does he...
1) keep the extra $100; or
2) split it with his partner?
A little old lady walks into a lawyer's office and asks him to make a few quick changes to her will. The lawyer tells the lady he can make the changes, but it will cost $100. The lady agrees and after a few minutes of work the lawyer hands over the revised will. The lady thanks him, takes a crisp $100 bill out of her purse and hands it to the lawyer.
Just as the lady is walking out the door, the lawyer notices that she accidentally gave him two $100 bills stuck together.
He has a severe moral dilema. Does he...
1) keep the extra $100; or
2) split it with his partner?
H2Andy
Contributor
pretty good jokes all...
the original one (cigars) is good, but sadly, it wouldn't work like that in the real world.
in a civil action by the guy to recover his insurance proceeds, the insurance company
would raise as an affirmative defense that the guy had burned the cigars on purpose,
thus his insurance policy was null and void. i don't see how on earth they could lose.
as to arson... well... that's a criminal matter, and the insurance compnay could
notify the state attorney, but it would be up to the SA to prosecute.
and in Florida, they wouldn't. here's why:
arson in Florida is strictly defined as the "burning of a dwelling or structure."
i am very confident that the law is similar in all other states (except maybe
Louisiana).
thus, burning a cigar wouldn't constitute arson.
the original one (cigars) is good, but sadly, it wouldn't work like that in the real world.
in a civil action by the guy to recover his insurance proceeds, the insurance company
would raise as an affirmative defense that the guy had burned the cigars on purpose,
thus his insurance policy was null and void. i don't see how on earth they could lose.
as to arson... well... that's a criminal matter, and the insurance compnay could
notify the state attorney, but it would be up to the SA to prosecute.
and in Florida, they wouldn't. here's why:
arson in Florida is strictly defined as the "burning of a dwelling or structure."
i am very confident that the law is similar in all other states (except maybe
Louisiana).
thus, burning a cigar wouldn't constitute arson.
Trust a lawyer to try to correct their own jokes... Do you see me doing that for engineer jokes???H2Andy:
mike_s
Contributor
What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the middle of the road?
There are skid marks in front of the skunk
What do lawyers use for birth control?
Their personalities
What's the difference in a Lawyer and a catfish.
Ones is a scum sucking bottom feeder and the other is a fish.
There are skid marks in front of the skunk
What do lawyers use for birth control?
Their personalities
What's the difference in a Lawyer and a catfish.
Ones is a scum sucking bottom feeder and the other is a fish.
Best shark repelant, dive dressed as a lawyer, the sharks will give you professional courtesy.
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer", and the party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i. e. the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties.
The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:
1. The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, step stool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counter-clockwise direction, this point being non-negotiable.
2. Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part ("Receptacle"), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local and federal statutes.
3. Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of the fourth part ("New Light Bulb"). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, this point also being non-negotiable.
Note: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by any or all persons authorized by him, the objective being to produce the most possible revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as "Partnership."
A: Whereas the party of the first part, also known as "Lawyer", and the party of the second part, also known as "Light Bulb", do hereby and forthwith agree to a transaction wherein the party of the second part (Light Bulb) shall be removed from the current position as a result of failure to perform previously agreed upon duties, i. e. the lighting, elucidation, and otherwise illumination of the area ranging from the front (north) door, through the entryway, terminating at an area just inside the primary living area, demarcated by the beginning of the carpet, any spillover illumination being at the option of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and not required by the aforementioned agreement between the parties.
The aforementioned removal transaction shall include, but not be limited to, the following steps:
1. The party of the first part (Lawyer) shall, with or without elevation at his option, by means of a chair, step stool, ladder or any other means of elevation, grasp the party of the second part (Light Bulb) and rotate the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a counter-clockwise direction, this point being non-negotiable.
2. Upon reaching a point where the party of the second part (Light Bulb) becomes separated from the party of the third part ("Receptacle"), the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of disposing of the party of the second part (Light Bulb) in a manner consistent with all applicable state, local and federal statutes.
3. Once separation and disposal have been achieved, the party of the first part (Lawyer) shall have the option of beginning installation of the party of the fourth part ("New Light Bulb"). This installation shall occur in a manner consistent with the reverse of the procedures described in step one of this self-same document, being careful to note that the rotation should occur in a clockwise direction, this point also being non-negotiable.
Note: The above described steps may be performed, at the option of the party of the first part (Lawyer), by any or all persons authorized by him, the objective being to produce the most possible revenue for the party of the fifth part, also known as "Partnership."
cancun mark:
Funny, but doesn't this belong in the "Change a Bulb" forum?
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