Looks like they hired someone who once played for Bear Bryant at least. That’s what’s important right?
BREAKING NEWS: New Alabama Coach Named”
BREAKING: New Alabama Coach Named
I have photos from the just-completed press conference in Tuscaloosa where
Alabama AD Mal Moore introduced the new head football coach. He had this
to say about the incoming coach: “He played for the greatest football coach ever,
Bear Bryant, and he personifies the Alabama family better than anyone else I’ve ever known.”
Bama’s New Coach - The Exclusive Interview
Thanks to our impeccable press credentials and prominent connections, we were able to
secure an exclusive interview with the new head football coach of the Alabama Crimson
Tide, before he’s even had his first official press conference. Here are the highlights:
Coach Gump: Hello. My name is Forrest Gump. People call me Forrest Gump.
HT: Coach, can you tell us what your plans are for the team? Things look pretty
grim at the moment. Angry fans, incompetent administration, young players…how do you plan to address that?
Coach Gump: My Mama always said you’ve got to put the past behind you before you can move on.
HT: So, you plan on looking forward. What would you say your coaching philosophy is?
Coach Gump: I don’t know if we each have a destiny, or if we’re all just floatin’ around
accidental-like on a breeze. But I, I think maybe it’s both.
HT: Have you ever coached a football team before?
Coach Gump: No, but I’ve been on a real big boat.
HT: Coach, do you think that you’ll be able to beat Auburn?
Coach Gump: I gotta Pee!
HT: Well, OK then.
Coach Gump never returned from his bathroom break. We hope to talk to him again soon.
One thing that I will say for the new coach, he seems much more articulate than Mike Shula did at his first presser.