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"I use sidemount because it is best for me in a doubles-required situation. Why, frankly, is no one's business."
Why can't you readers just accept that?
Hmmm. A bit touchy on the subject, are we?
Quite frankly, early adopters of any technology need to expect grief from the rest of the community. Why? Well, it's just human nature and you're just going to have to accept that. Your choice of instructor for sidemount advanced wreck penetration is a poor one, because he (she) doesn't teach sidemount advanced wreck penetration, and he (she) can't help you with critical issues like hose routing, tank configuration, and the like, because he (she) doesn't know anything about it. He (she) seems quite suspicious of this whole sidemount thing.
As I see it, you have 2 choices. 1. Get in your instructor's comfort zone by either switching back to backmount (easy) or making your instructor more comfortable with sidemount (perhaps harder), or 2. Find an instructor who will teach the class using the configuration you choose to dive, thereby changing this whole thing back to a learning situation for you, rather than a learning situation for your instructor. Be sure that I am not criticizing your instructor here, I'm sure he (she) is a very competent advanced wreck pen instructor. I'm criticizing your choice of that instructor and creating an environment where both you and the instructor get frustrated with the situation because of your choice of gear configuration. That frustration is evident in your posting.
Some of us old dogs need to be taught new tricks. I know of other boat operators that think that sidemount isn't the tool for diving in open water. I personally don't care if you dive with a cylinder tucked under one arm and a balloon for buoyancy if it works for you and you can get on and off the boat without too much involvement from the deck staff, but I'm still suspicious. RN is (so far) the only person who has dived from this boat sidemount with what I consider complete success. We've had other sidemount divers that show up with varying degrees of competence and success. If I were your wreck pen instructor, I'd be way happier to take you on if you showed complete comfort and skill with your rig instead of still getting used to it. Eat the elephant one bite at a time.