Why do we bash each other?

[GeorgeC]

Before it dies…I decided to remove one barrier by posting a picture of myself as my Avatar. I want to attach a face to my posts as an effort to get closer to the members.

 

[boulderjohn]

Sorry if someone has already posted this link:

Jimmy Wales and Andrea Weckerle: Keep a Civil Cybertongue - WSJ.com

From the Wall Street Journal today:

Too frequently, we hear the argument that being online includes the right to be nasty—and that those who chose to participate on the Web should develop thicker skin. This gives transgressors an out for immoral behavior.

This brings back some memories.

I was working in the central administration of Jefferson County Schools in Colorado when two students in one of our high schools (Columbine) decided to kill a bunch of their classmates. Although their reaction was way out of bounds, it was a reaction to the bullying behavior of which they had been the victims over their years there. In the back rooms of the district we heard stories of abuse that never made it to the headlines.

In the aftermath of that tragedy, we all spent a lot of time dealing with the concept of bullying. One of the things I learned is that bullies do not believe they are doing anything wrong. They are just having good fun, and their victims should just play along with the fun they were having.

But it does not work that way.

The victim of bullying is not having fun, and, as the full article mentions, it can even lead to suicide. When we established our online school at Jefferson County, we were immediately met by an onslaught of applications from dropouts who wanted an education but had left the school system because they could not take the constant bullying to which they had been subjected in school. Online education was an option by which they could get an education without being beaten up regularly, both physically and verbally.

The same goes for the people who are regularly guilty of bashing behavior. They do not see it for what it is. They think that others should just develop a thicker skin. They do not realize how much harm they are doing, and if it is pointed out to them, they just think their victims should get over it. As the article says, they claim the right to immoral behavior.

 

[Mike Boswell]

This makes a lot of sense to me. Often in the press reports of these (Columbine) types of incidents, the perpetrators are described by others as "loners", people who kept to themselves and were not outgoing. This "loner" behavior is consistent with someone who feels bullied or rejected by others, and too often the "loner" just can't take it anymore.

 

[Hoomi]

As someone who was bullied as a kid (I was scrawny, unathletic, and had no skill at fighting), I can attest that I never found it fun.

Let's not forget, either, that some people just enjoy arguing for the sake of arguing. Typically, the biggest determining factor in arguing versus discussing/debating is that in arguing, the whole point is to impose one's point of view regardless of any dissenting facts or opinions. In discussion/debate, the opposing points are heard and considered, and addressed by facts and data.

Personally, I don't enjoy arguing, and I can think of much better ways to spend my time (like appreciating my wife's nicely round behind).

 

[TSandM]

It is interesting that the one board of which I am a member, which insisted on members using their full names (enforceable, because they have to be members of an organization to be on the board) has had NO problems with uncivil behavior.

I have recently corresponded with a couple of SB members whose behavior, I thought, had verged upon actionable. The answer I got was to the effect that nobody should take the internet stuff that seriously. But people do; in our day-to-day lives, we have our feelings hurt by people who are rude, patronizing, dismissive, or insulting. It's hard to learn to be otherwise here. Even in the threads where I have been bashed, it has been hurtful, although I have the self-control to let it be.

Empathy isn't universal; and what hurts me may not hurt you -- and therefore, if you type it, you may not think it is hurtful.

 

[GeorgeC]

......I have recently corresponded with a couple of SB members whose behavior, I thought, had verged upon actionable. The answer I got was to the effect that nobody should take the internet stuff that seriously.......

TSanM as stated before you hold your own and don't stoop..stay that way!

We are a society of progressing technology, we no longer write hand letters we send emails, we no longer talk in person we use phones, we no longer use phones we text. How could we avoid taking the internet seriously when most of our interaction is over the internet? We program ourselves to feel the personal touch through technology rather than through the touch and feel of a person in the same room as us…

 

[nessum]

Thanks Bob! It will have to be before I run off to Browning for the summer again. Unless, that is, you make the trip to the best of BC's diving!

Hey Ness ... I'd be delighted to come up to BC and dive with ya ... :blinking:

Montana Diver ... let us know when you're on the left coast, and we'll make it a party ...

... Bob (Grateful Diver)

 

[The Chairman]

The thread is neither hijacked nor dead. I especially liked Doc Harry's Post and BoulderJohn's Post brought a tear to my eye.

 

[MXGratefulDiver]

Before it dies…I decided to remove one barrier by posting a picture of myself as my Avatar. I want to attach a face to my posts as an effort to get closer to the members.

Same here ...

... Bob (Grateful Diver)

 

[MXGratefulDiver]

The same goes for the people who are regularly guilty of bashing behavior. They do not see it for what it is. They think that others should just develop a thicker skin. They do not realize how much harm they are doing, and if it is pointed out to them, they just think their victims should get over it. As the article says, they claim the right to immoral behavior.

Boy this brings back some memories. There's a fellow I know who used to spend a lot of time on ScubaBoard and several other forums in which I participated. His idea of a good time was to go post nasty ... and sometimes very personal ... remarks about people just to get a rise out of them. To his concern, it was all in good fun and they shouldn't take offense since it was "just an internet" thing. He has a very good friend who, at the time, was someone I had a lot of respect for.

About the time I was going through a divorce, this troll fellow decided to post some of my personal life on SB and a few other forums. He got a good laugh out of it, despite the hurt and harm it caused me at the time. His friend told me to "get a thicker skin" ... he didn't see anything wrong with what was being said. Apparently other people did ... the troll got kicked off ScubaBoard, as well as a few other boards where he was behaving this way.

Fast forward a couple of years. The troll and his friend were involved in the creation of a new dive club in our area. They made a point of letting me know I was not welcome, despite the fact that most of my diving buddies were invited to join. On their private forum they were quite public about all my perceived personality defects as justification for why I was being excluded from their club.

In the end, it boiled down to the fact that these two decided I was the reason why the troll had been kicked off all those boards. Not once did it occur to him that his own behavior was the cause. I lost all respect for the one fellow ... and never had any for the other.

So who "won"? Nobody ... to my concern. Trolling might be entertaining for a while, but in the end, it comes with a price for all concerned ...

... Bob (Grateful Diver)