What's the nicest compliment you've ever received?

[Diver0001]

he just wants to get into your pants!

Well... to borrow your own idea, sometimes a cigar is just a cigar (or a compliment is just a complement). I don't actually know the first thing about Kris except that I like her posting style. For all we know she could be a guy who get his kicks acting like a woman online..... a scary thought but it does happen. In any case getting into her pants wasn't exactly on my mind.....

So Kris and Carmen it looks like it's up to you guys to unravel the mystery.

How *DO* women decide... how did he put it.....<scrolling back> which category a guy falls into?

quoting Db

In my experience, these days women have a dual standard on compliments; if the compliment comes from someone they want a compliment from, they are pleased, if not, they take it as an affront. How they determine which catagory a man falls in is a complete mystery.

After 2 million years of evolution and guys pretending to understand this I think we are entitled to an explanation.

R..

 

[covediver]

When I was a youngster working in a pizza parlor deli, I had an elderly lady walk up to the counter and tell me and my coworker that she liked how clean we kept the place and that we both looked "very appetizing". We thanked her for the compliment and then burst out laughing after we were gone when someone suggested that our pictures might be added to the menu as one of the main courses.

 

[crd_kats]

Well... to borrow your own idea, sometimes a cigar is just a cigar (or a compliment is just a complement). I don't actually know the first thing about Kris except that I like her posting style. For all we know she could be a guy who get his kicks acting like a woman online..... a scary thought but it does happen. In any case getting into her pants wasn't exactly on my mind.....

So Kris and Carmen it looks like it's up to you guys to unravel the mystery.

How *DO* women decide... how did he put it.....<scrolling back> which category a guy falls into?

In my experience, these days women have a dual standard on compliments; if the compliment comes from someone they want a compliment from, they are pleased, if not, they take it as an affront. How they determine which catagory a man falls in is a complete mystery.

After 2 million years of evolution and guys pretending to understand this I think we are entitled to an explanation.

R..

R, my answer to the question: Usually a woman will know within 15 seconds of meeting a man whether she will welcome a compliment with warmth (there's interest or decency) or welcome it with politeness (no interest and/or the guy is icky). A compliment is a compliment. Agreed. I will kindly thank the person who issued it. If I like them, I may extend the conversation and if I don't, a simple thank you and a smile about covers it. As to how we determine this is basic attraction and how a woman was reared/upbringing/nurtured. How a women determines tact and couth. Whether he is pleasant to look upon or not. If he's sincere or vulgar.

I imagine it is the same with men. How would you receive a compliment from a well groomed woman with a polite smile and a hint of interest in her eyes to a woman that's sloppy with a leer and hunger in her eyes?

 

[Diver0001]

....snip....

I liked that response but I don't know what to do with it so I'll park it and let it sink in.

I imagine it is the same with men. How would you receive a compliment from a well groomed woman with a polite smile and a hint of interest in her eyes to a woman that's sloppy with a leer and hunger in her eyes?

Well this part I'm more certain about. It doesn't work like you think, in my experience.

Most (but not all) men act primarily on physical attraction to start with. There are three primary emotions that occupy the foreground in the "rest" state of the stereo-type man unless he's spent a fair amount of time trying to go from "Mars" to "Venus". Those emotions are "Good" "Not good" and "Blank".

If a woman is beautiful and she compliments you then you'll feel "Good". If she looks good and does not compliment you, especially after you have already lead with the chin by complimenting her first....then you'll feel "Not good". "Blank" happens when you don't care or she's not your type. In all three cases, your response is typically the same "don't let them see you blink".

I'm obviously simplifying a bit but it's to make the point as succinctly as possible.

The other major effect at work is that women hardly ever give compliments unless there is a basis for doing so. Whereas your situation is quite complicated, (ie. the compliments will just come whether you want them or not and you have to "guess" what the guy is getting at) the man's world is much simpler. If she gives you a firm and personal compliment then (a) it will not be until you she gets to know you (b) it will not be until AFTER she has you figured for a keeper and (c) it will be the controlling factor in escalating intimacy.

Remember what I said before about how women control all intimacy early in a relationship. Well this is the mechanism the way I see it. And just to be clear, I'm not talking about the straightforward kind of dime-a-dozen compliment like "wow, those shoes go good with your jacket" I'm talking about the kind of compliment here where someone says "I like you and you blow me away".

So just to summarize, it works differently. Men start early on giving compliments to indicate interest based on first impressions. Women start giving compliments once interest is firmly established. That makes it more complex for you than for me. You have to guess *what kind* of interest and a man, when the compliments start coming, can be pretty sure that the intimacy door is now unlocked if not open.

So Kris, you can give that to your phych firend but if it makes it into his book I want a signed copy.... LOL

R..

 

[cavew0man]

Um, I'm thinking we'll need a bigger bucket.

OK, where did dpbishop go? I was looking forward to the response on that one....

Cavewoman is considering her (yes, HER - no Y chromosomes on this baby!) next response and shall check back in with some incredibly insightful observations on the subject at hand. Now where did I leave the wine?

 

[TSandM]

Some of the nicest compliments I've gotten have been rather inadvertent . . . I was in an elevator with a bunch of guys once, and one of them asked me if I was feeling down, because I was wearing black. One of the other guys in the elevator said, "Don't be ridiculous; she wears black because she knows she looks danged good in it!" I liked that one, because it wasn't really even said to ME, and it was spontaneous and sincere.

Another time, I was complaining about gaining weight and not being able to wear some of my clothes, and one of my fellow residents looked at me and said, "Oh, please tell me you can still wear the red pants!" Again -- spontaneous, sincere, and completely without subtext.

For me, a lot of my response to a compliment from a man had to do with the demeanor of the man in question, whether I was dating him or not. Someone who was generally pleasant, polite and affable would be received well; someone who was smarmy or always making suggestive comments or was too handsy would not be received well, no matter how nice the compliment might be.

Nowadays, I no longer get compliments on my appearance, unless it's from friends commenting on an attractive piece of clothing (rare, because I live in jeans, polarfleece sweats, and diving stuff). Now I get compliments on things that are actually more meaningful. The other day, I got a fantastic one, when I told Andrew Georgitsis that his new agency was the first time I'd been tempted to get an instructor rating, and his response was, "Tell me what we need to do to convince you." THAT was a compliment!

 

[dpbishop]

Not all compliments between the sexes are thinly veiled come-ons, unless one is analyzing it on some primitive, id based, reptile brain level. I have complemented many women that I had no interest in procreating with, for both aesthetic and social-cultural reasons (eg. my GF would be after me with a rusty razor). I've even been known to compliment other men on rare occasions. (that doesn't make me gay, not that there's anything wrong with that...)

The basis of the civilized interchange of polite complements or observations upon encountering strangers is to provide an alternative to the primitive response of bashing any stranger that you meet over the head as a unilateral defense mechanism. :viking2: This is why women created chivalry in the first place. It is a shame that in the push for gender equality in the workplace some women have felt it necessary to undermine the customs of gentlemanly behavior as tools of oppression. This has had an adverse effect, not just on the interaction of the sexes, but also in male interaction. If one believes the advertising industry, it is now a praiseworthy thing to have a "bad attitude".

BTW, women who think that men want to bed every female they meet vastly overestimate our stamina.

 

[Rhone Man]

My wife always says that the only compliments she trusts are from gay men: other women are insincere, and straight men are always looking for something.

I am assuming I fall into the 'straight men' category, but I am never too sure about the ground rules for this sort of thing.

 

[Sas]

BTW, women who think that men want to bed every female they meet vastly overestimate our stamina.

I dunno, the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak perhaps. So many male friends have told me they want to sleep with pretty much every woman they meet. This is often followed by an awkward silence... and I try to change the topic quickly.

 

[Diver0001]

I dunno, the spirit is willing, but the flesh is weak perhaps. So many male friends have told me they want to sleep with pretty much every woman they meet. This is often followed by an awkward silence... and I try to change the topic quickly.

I think this sort of demonstrates what I was saying above.

Your friends probably thought that saying this was a compliment

After which they wait for your response. Assuming you're attractive and your response was to wait through an awkward silence and then change the subject then the guy will initially feel "not good" but knowing that this means the intimacy door is not open he will be able to move on.



R..