What to tell the spouse
- Thread starter freewillie
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freewillie
Contributor
Sometimes it is better to ask forgiveness than permission.
My wife doesn't even ask anymore when it come to scuba stuff. She has her own hobbies.
If I'd ask she'd probably have said don't, then me being stubborn would have bought it eventually anyways then I'd be in more trouble. At least now I have my computer and I know she'll forgive me at some point.
DogDiver
Contributor
No problem here. Wife bought a $7000 Bernina sewing machine. I have a lot of catching up. [emoji41]
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk
dumpsterDiver
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My wife has problems with this issue. She seems to fail to understand how money works.
She thinks that if I spend $500 for gear then we have the money for her to spend $500 (on whatever). I've tried to explain this over and over to her.. but she doesn't get it... If I spend our money then we have LESS money for her to spend; not more..
It is almost as bad as when she comes home from the mall. I ask "What did you spend" and her response will be something like: "I saved $250" NOT the answer to the question I asked.
So the answer for me is .. Don't tell her!
She thinks that if I spend $500 for gear then we have the money for her to spend $500 (on whatever). I've tried to explain this over and over to her.. but she doesn't get it... If I spend our money then we have LESS money for her to spend; not more..
It is almost as bad as when she comes home from the mall. I ask "What did you spend" and her response will be something like: "I saved $250" NOT the answer to the question I asked.
So the answer for me is .. Don't tell her!
drrich2
Contributor
You're a Physician, so I imagine you make most of the money, and while in a couple there's an element of mutual ownership of income, sometimes being recognized as the bread winner confers some unspoken, unofficial prerogatives. That said, every marriage is unique, as is each person in one. I'd wonder:
1.) Does she ever spend a hefty chunk on discretionary self-indulgence? Jewelry, plane ticket to see Mom, etc...?
2.) If she spent what you did, how would that go over with you? What's good for the goose is good for the gander & vice versa...
3.) Is this a one time blip in the family expenditure picture or is it apt to look to her like the launch of a finance (& security) draining new addiction?
4.) How is the financial health of the family? Is there plenty in the bank in case of mishap, etc...?
5.) Some Physicians work long, grueling hours & the psychological benefits of rewards (e.g.: expensive toys, dive trips, etc...) can be carrots that keep the mule pulling the plow to bring home that harvest for everyone. A happy husband counts for something, too.
6.) How much do you compromise in other areas? From your trip discussions, I get the impression you go on family vacations, dive some with your daughter, but make some allowances for other things; you don't hit a live-aboard & do nothing but dive. Plus, your family gets to go on nice tropical vacations, and I'm guessing old Dad/Hubby slaving away at the office has something to do with enabling that.
In a nutshell, don't lie, consider & honor her concerns, but at the same time, the mule could use a carrot now & then.
Richard.
1.) Does she ever spend a hefty chunk on discretionary self-indulgence? Jewelry, plane ticket to see Mom, etc...?
2.) If she spent what you did, how would that go over with you? What's good for the goose is good for the gander & vice versa...
3.) Is this a one time blip in the family expenditure picture or is it apt to look to her like the launch of a finance (& security) draining new addiction?
4.) How is the financial health of the family? Is there plenty in the bank in case of mishap, etc...?
5.) Some Physicians work long, grueling hours & the psychological benefits of rewards (e.g.: expensive toys, dive trips, etc...) can be carrots that keep the mule pulling the plow to bring home that harvest for everyone. A happy husband counts for something, too.
6.) How much do you compromise in other areas? From your trip discussions, I get the impression you go on family vacations, dive some with your daughter, but make some allowances for other things; you don't hit a live-aboard & do nothing but dive. Plus, your family gets to go on nice tropical vacations, and I'm guessing old Dad/Hubby slaving away at the office has something to do with enabling that.
In a nutshell, don't lie, consider & honor her concerns, but at the same time, the mule could use a carrot now & then.
Richard.
My wife's income and mine all go into the same account regardless of where we earned it. Every payday we each set aside money into our own personal fund to spend as we want. If we want to spend more than what is in our personal fund we talk about. My wife always encourages me to buy the best we can afford but whatever we buy for her is always more expensive than mine.
I never hide what i spend unless it is something for her.
I never hide what i spend unless it is something for her.
My wife dives but doesn't shoot. The wisdom has been to take a bunch of guns out of the safe and go shooting and bring a bunch of guns back to the safe after shooting. Only problem is after awhile she notices the 2nd safe.
I am not sure of the whole saying, but, it starts out:::: Oh what a tangled web we weave ......and then something about deception!!!! Fess up and get it over with. Whats the worst that will happen? 
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