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Sh*t Scuba Divers Say

Discussion in 'Humor, Games, Clips, Yarns and Tales' started by Mark Derail, Feb 2, 2012.

  1. jepuskar

    jepuskar Instructor, Scuba

    # of Dives: 500 - 999
    Location: Chicago, IL
    In Bonaire, I always get this..

    'Excuse me, is that a drysuit?'
    'Why are you wearing a drysuit down here?'

    ---------- Post Merged at 12:15 PM ---------- Previous Post was at 12:06 PM ----------

    Mark, you 'like' a lot of posts. You're likeable. Like for reals.
    Jax and Mark Derail like this.
  2. cbm32

    cbm32 Manta Ray

    # of Dives: 500 - 999
    Location: I am bi-coastal. Michigan and SoCal
    How about: I have some dive "gears" for sale.
    avengerki and Mark Derail like this.
  3. Quero

    Quero Will be missed Rest in Peace

    # of Dives: I just don't log dives
    Location: Phuket, Thailand
    I find that this collocation jumps out at me as well, but I recognize that it's a language variety issue. Some native speaker dialects of English do make that into a countable noun when in American and British English it's not countable. But language varieties have (wait for it....) variation. So while you and I don't sell "gears" for diving, neither do we step off a "kerb" or refer to the yard around our house as the "compound" or "off" the light, or any of seemingly limitless variations on English language usage.
    Mark Derail and Jax like this.
  4. JamesK

    JamesK Solo Diver

    # of Dives:
    Location: SW Florida
    You can just take the long hose from my mouth and put it in yours.
    Mark Derail and Jax like this.
  5. Quero

    Quero Will be missed Rest in Peace

    # of Dives: I just don't log dives
    Location: Phuket, Thailand
    Um, I don't have an R, but I've got an S--the very next letter in the alphabet. Wanna try that one?
    Mark Derail and Jax like this.
  6. Ste Wart

    Ste Wart Master Instructor

    # of Dives:
    Location: England
    - I'm also a Technical Diver

    - Oh, you work on Oil Rigs?
    Mark Derail likes this.
  7. Adam Grose

    Adam Grose Solo Diver

    # of Dives: 100 - 199
    Location: Tucson, AZ
    If I take up diving, will I hve to get my hair wet? :wink:
    Mark Derail likes this.
  8. Blackwood

    Blackwood DIR Practitioner

    # of Dives: None - Not Certified
    Location: Southern California
    It's cold, dark, barren, surgey, swelly with 3 foot viz, but my gear is already wet so i'm committed.
    Mark Derail likes this.
  9. DivemasterDennis

    DivemasterDennis DivemasterDennis ScubaBoard Supporter

    # of Dives: 500 - 999
    Location: Lakewood, Colorado
    To the boat captain at the start of a dive: "Please don't leave until I get back."

    From the same diver to a differentcaptain at the end of the dive: "What do you mean, this isn't the boat I cam out on?"

    To the first boat captain again: "All these dive boats look alike; they all have that same red and white flag. You should each have different colors."
    Last edited: Oct 20, 2012
  10. Lizard Leg

    Lizard Leg Manta Ray

    # of Dives: 200 - 499
    Location: Louisiana
    I don't have much of a problem clearing, but after 18 dives in short order, I can clear my ears on land and you can hear it 10' away.

    FWIW - it's REALLY fun to do in a quiet restaurant at lunch :)

    ---------- Post Merged at 04:24 PM ---------- Previous Post was at 03:52 PM ----------

    DM/second capt. at the back of the boat giving the speech about everyone having their butts parked on a cushion while they bring the boat into dock "Keep your hands, arms and legs INSIDE the boat and make sure you are sitting on a yellow cushion until we are finished docking - It's always nice to end the day with the same number of body parts as you started with"

    This said as I am sitting on the deck swapping my dive leg over to may walking leg prosthetic. With 11 other divers on board. They all looked at me. I looked back. Suddenly everyone on board is about to pass out laughing, and poor Capt. Brian's turning as red as he could get.
    avengerki and Mark Derail like this.

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