Post Your Pretty Funny Stuff Here

[mike_s]

I was down in West Palm last week in there was a guy there selling signs in the marina.

One of them said:

What's the difference between a Harley and Hoover? On the Hoover, the dirt-bag is on the inside.

 

[m3830431]

There was a man who lost one of his arms in an accident. He became very
depressed because he had loved to play Golf and do lots of things that took
two arms.

One day in his despair,he decided to commit suicide. He got on an elevator and
went to the top of a building to jump off. He was standing on the ledge looking
down and saw this man skipping along, whistling and kicking up his heels. He
looked closer and saw that this man didn't have any arms at all.

He started thinking, what am I doing up here feeling sorry for myself, I still
have one good arm to do things with. There goes a man with no arms skipping
down the sidewalk so happy, and going on with his life.

He hurried down and caught up with the man with no arms. He told him how glad
he was to see him because he had lost one of his ar ms and felt ugly and
useless and was going to kill himself. He thanked him again for saving his life
and he knew he could make it with one arm if that guy could go on with no arms.

The man with no arms began dancing and whistling and kicking up his heels
again.

He asked, "Why are you so happy anyway?"

He said, "I'm NOT happy ... my balls itch."

 

[santafejoe]

30 Harsh Things A Woman Can Say To A Naked Man

1. I've smoked fatter joints than that.
2. Ahhhh, it's cute.
3. Why don't we just cuddle?
4. You know they have surgery to fix that.
5. Make it dance.
6. Can I paint a smiley face on it?
7. Wow, and your feet are so big.
8. It's okay, we'll work around it.
9. Will it squeak if I squeeze it?
10. Oh no... I just got a flash headache.
11. (Giggling and pointing)
12. Can I be honest with you?
13. How sweet, you brought incense.
14. This explains your car.
15. Maybe if we water it, it'll grow.
16. Why is God punishing me?
17. At least this won't take long.
18. I never saw one like that before.
19. But it still works, right?
20. It looks so unused.
21. Maybe it looks better in natural light.
22. Why don't we skip right to the cigarettes?
23. Are you cold?
24. If you get me real drunk first.
25. Is that an optical illusion?
26. What is that?
27. It's a good thing you have so many other talents.
28. Does it come with an air pump?
29. So this is why you're supposed to judge people on personality.
30. I guess this makes me the early bird.

 

[m3830431]

Truth really hurts

 

[sandmanz32]

i rear ended a dwarf the other day at a stop sign.

the lil guy jumps out of his car (obvisiously upset) and runs up to my window and says:" IM Not happy!!"

So, i say: "ok, well which one are you?"

 

[m3830431]

Say what?

 

[sandmanz32]

you know....the 7 drawfs. i didnt really hit one though lol

 

[wstein]

i rear ended a dwarf the other day at a stop sign.

the lil guy jumps out of his car (obvisiously upset) and runs up to my window and says:" IM Not happy!!"

So, i say: "ok, well which one are you?"

good one...I got it immediately

 

[m3830431]

little slow in the morning sometimes

 

[santafejoe]

The Chinese Wedding Night



A young Chinese couple gets married. She's a virgin. Truth be told, he is a virgin too, but she doesn't know that. On their wedding night, she cowers naked under the sheets as her husband undresses in the darkness.



He climbs into bed next to her and tries to be reassuring. "My darring," he whispers, "I know dis your firss time and you berry frighten. I pomise you, I give you anyting you want, I do anyting - juss anyting you want. you juss ask... so... whatchu want?" he says, trying to sound experienced and worldly, which he hopes will impress her.



A thoughtful silence follows and he waits patiently (and eagerly) for her request. She eventually shyly whispers back, "I want to try someting I have heard about from other gurls... Numbaa 69."



More thoughtful silence, this time from him. Eventually, in a puzzled tone he asks her...



"You want... Garlic Chicken with steam vegtable?"