Post Your Pretty Funny Stuff Here

[m3830431]

Three guys -three wishes!!
Three guys -- a Canadian farmer, Osama bin Laden,and an American Engineer are walking together one day.
They come across a lantern and a Genie pops out of it."I will give each of you one wish, which is three wishes
total" says the Genie.
The Canadian farmer says, "I am a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be
forever fertile in Canada ." Pooooof! With a blink of the Genie's eye, the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming.

Osama bin Laden was amazed, so he said, "I want an impenetrable wall around Afghanistan , Iraq and Iran with
all believers of Mohammed inside and all Jews, Americans, and other infidel forever outside our precious state.
Pooooof! Again, with the blink of the Genie's eye, there was a huge wall around those countries.

The American engineer asks, "I am very curious. Please tell me more about this wall". The Genie explains, "Well, it's
5000 feet high, 500 feet thick and completely surrounds these countries. . . it's virtually impenetrable. Now what
is your wish?"

The American engineer smiles and says, "Fill it with water."

 

[kilo_fox]

A blonde was driving home after work, and got caught in a really bad hailstorm.
Her car was covered with dents, so the next day she took it to a repair shop.
The shop owner saw that she was a blonde, so he decided to have some fun.
He told her to just go home and blow into the tailpipe really hard,
and all the dents would pop out.
So, the blonde went home, got down on her hands and knees and started blowing into her car's tailpipe.
Nothing happened.
She blew a little harder, and still nothing happened.
Her roommate, another blonde, came home and said,
"What are you doing?"
The first blonde told her how the repairman had instructed her
to blow into the tailpipe in order to get the dents to pop out.

Her roommate rolled her eyes and said,
..."HELLLLOOOO!!!
You need to roll up the windows."

 

[m3830431]

 

[sandshaker]

I got this off of John Tesh Radio Show:

I bet I could hack into your computer. It’s as easy as knowing your password and I just found out the Top 10 passwords people use.

According to Netscape.com, one out of every 125 people uses the password “password”. And an equal amount use “1-2-3”.

Why is that important to know? Because it makes it far too easy for a computer criminal to breach your security and invade your personal information. A password that’s a combination of letters and numbers or symbols is the best one you can have. And here are the rest of the worst, most common passwords. If one of these is yours, you should change it immediately.

• Chicago. Or any other city name. If it’s your home town or the city you live in, it’s too common. That’s the 3rd most often used password.

• The fourth most common password: “Let Me In”. Yikes, I know some of our office computers have that one.

• Next on the list of common passwords: 1-2-3-4-5

• Here’s the sixth most common password: Qwerty. What’s that? Look down at your keyboard. It’s the first six letters on the top row.

• The seventh most common password:
Charlie – or whatever your name is.

• #8 on the list: Raiders, Steelers, Red Sox, Dodgers, Maple Leafs, or Oilers. Basically, don’t use the name of your favorite sports team.

• And 9 and 10 on the list of the most common passwords – your birth date and your kids’ names. If anybody knows you, they’re into your computer. And the person most likely to hack into your computer and steal your identity, or other personal information, is a friend or family member.

 

[mike_s]

I think we need a Blonde Joke Thread!

 

[Purge]

A married couple was on a diving holiday in Jamaica. They were touring around the local marketplace looking at the goods and such when they passed this small sandal shop. From inside they heard the shopkeeper with a Jamaican accent say, "You foreigners! Come in, come into my humble shop!" So they walked in, and the Jamaican said, "I have some special sandals I tink ya would be interested in... Dey make ya wild at sex. The wife got really interested in buying the sandals, but the husband felt he really didn't need them, being the sex god he was. The husband asked the shopkeeper, "How could sandals make you into a sexfreak? The Jamaican replied, "Just try dem on, Mon. You doan haff to do nutting, cept try dem on. So the husband, after some badgering from his wife, finally gave in and tried them on. As soon as he slipped them onto his feet, he got this wild look in his eyes, something his wife hadn't seen in many years! In the blink of an eye the husband, grabbed the Jamaican, bent him violently over a table, yanked down his pants, ripped down his own pants, and grabbed a firm hold of the Jamaican's hips. The Jamaican then began screaming, "You got dem on da wrong feet! Mon, you got dem on da wrong feet!"...

 

[m3830431]

Great one and not a Blonde joke

 

[mike_s]

Today's woman puts on wigs, fake eyelashes, false fingernails,
sixteen pounds of assorted make-up/shadows/blushes/creams,
living bras, various pads that would make a linebacker envious,
has implants and assorted other surgeries, then complains that
she cannot find a "real" man.

 

[turtle_guy]

^^^^

 

[santafejoe]

In the year 2007, the Lord came unto Noah, who was now living in Canada ,
and said, "Once again, the earth has become wicked and over-populated, and I
see the end of all flesh before me.

Build another Ark and save 2 of every living thing
along with a few good humans."

He gave Noah the blueprints, saying, "You have 6
months to build the Ark before I will start the
unending rain for 40 days and 40 nights."

Six months later, the Lord looked down and saw Noah weeping in his yard -
but no Ark.

"Noah!" He roared , "I'm about to start the rain!
Where is the Ark ?"

"Forgive me, Lord," begged Noah, "but things have changed. I needed a
building permit. I've been arguing with the inspector about the need for a
sprinkler system. My neighbors claim that I've violated the neighborhood
zoning laws by building the Ark in my yard and exceeding the height
limitations. We had to go to the Development Appeal Board for a decision.

Then the Hydro One demanded a bond be posted for the future costs of moving
power lines and other overhead obstructions, to clear the passage for the
Ark 's move to the sea.

I told them that the sea would be coming to us, but they would hear nothing
of it.

Getting the wood was another problem. There's a ban ..ting local trees
in order to save the spotted owl. I tried to convince the environmentalists
that I needed the wood to save the owls - but no go!

When I started gathering the animals, an animal rights group sued me. They
insisted that I was confining wild animals against their will. They argued
the accommodation was too restrictive , and it was cruel and inhumane to put
so many animals in a confined space.

Then the Ministry of the Environment ruled that I couldn't build the Ark
until they'd conducted an environmental impact study on your proposed flood.

I'm still trying to resolve a complaint with the Human Rights Commission on
how many minorities I'm supposed to hire for my building crew.

Immigration and Naturalization are checking the
Visa status of most of the people who want to
work.

The trades unions say I can't use my sons. They insist I have to hire only
Union workers with Ark-building experience.

To make matters worse, Revenue Canada seized all my assets, claiming I'm
trying to leave the country illegally with endangered species.

So, forgive me, Lord, but it would take at least 10
years for me to finish this Ark. "

Suddenly the skies cleared, the sun began to shine,
and a rainbow stretched across the sky.

Noah looked up in wonder and asked,
"You mean you're not going to destroy the world?"

"No," said the Lord.
"The government beat me to it."