Losing your #1 buddy

[ajtoady]

OK, here goes. I recently lost my #1 buddy and by far, my dearest friend, to that effin curse, cancer. I am having a hard time of it and need to move ahead and continue to dive or at least move forward. I see him on every dive I do and gotta tell you, it's not getting any easier. Tell me, does it get any easier as time goes or do I just accept it and choke up every dive. I don't know how to let him go and am having a tough time of it. You can be blunt, I need some thoughts on this. Please.

 

[dumpsterDiver]

My theory is that each time we lose a loved one, a portion of our soul dies and it is never repairable or retrievable. We are forever wounded and diminished. However, time does make it easier.

Not too profound or complex, but in many ways death is pretty simple.

 

[Basking Ridge Diver]

Eventually you will replace any of your thoughts with the good times that you had. It is not easy the first year or two - after that you will forget the cancer and remember the friend for who he was...

 

[mouthbreather1]

would your #1 buddy want you sulking or diving enjoying the time you have left ?
"get busy livin or get busy diein"

 

[k ellis]

My wife passed away in 2001. Now I still have my moments beyond doubt but I say a prayer to Christ and in my prayer I ask he let her know she can accompany me. Now I dont care if others are Christian or not but what I will say is this works for me.

I find comfort in knowing while she is not there in person she is there is spirit.

 

[CNYMAD]

would your #1 buddy want you sulking or diving enjoying the time you have left ?
"get busy livin or get busy diein"

I am so very sorry for your loss! You've brought tears to my eyes. I've been living with cancer for a few years. When my husband gets home I'll ask him if he'll continue diving? We've always been dive buddies.

What I'd want is for him to enjoy life, dive, have fun, be happy, and when he sees something he'd know I'd like to give me a loving nod.

 

[Jim Lapenta]

Hang in dude. As I have said before it doesn't get better. It gets different.

We learn to incorporate the loss into our daily lives and it changes us and our view of the world around us. How is up to the individual.

You can get negative and let it eat you alive.

Or you can get positive and try to make things easier and more enjoyable for others. You can try to take the memories of the good and use them as a force for positive change.

When you do that it gets paid back to you in spades. That payback also makes it different. It becomes a motivator to want to do more and see that those less fortunate, persecuted, and abused become things for you to defend and protect. That honors the memory of the one who was lost and helps to deal with the pain. It will always be there.

How you choose to feel it is up to you.

 

[sheeper]

over the years i have lost a lot of friends for a lot of different reasons. the one lesson i have learned is that life is for the living. you need to continue to live the life you choose and honor your friend's memory in doing so

 

[CNYMAD]

Since you are local to us - would you like to join us for a dive on the St Lawrence River on August 9? Message me and it will be arrange it!

 

[SeaHorse81]

There's not much that you can feel besides the pain for a while. It won't kill you even if it feels like it might. Eventually, it helps to choose to focus when you can on gratitude for the life you got to share while you had the chance. It's not the same (or as good as) having them back, but it's what you have now.

May your wounded heart find comfort.