JUST FOR GIRLS: Do you feel creeped out when...?

[Miyaru]

...nothing compliments one's figure better than 7 mm of neoprene...

Seriously!

Meh, I rather pm some drop dead gorgeous and very voluptuous young female to go diving with me.

 

[Dan G]

So - im not a natzi feminist or anything but...

But I really hate when you try and join a "chat board" to gain information and knowledge about a sport you love and guys start hitting on you.

So there is this guy: he "Likes me" then "follows me" and then "sends me a personal email asking me to come dive with him"

OK - any one of those three by themselves doesn't seem to sinister, but all three at once - to me its a little too invasive.

So, am I over reacting ? Have you had any similar experiences?

Id like to hear from you. (just the girls please)

sarah lee

Notice that the OP is asking a question of other female users. She is looking for input and perspective from other women on SB about men contacting her. Maybe the contacts by the other member were reminiscent of other bad experiences she has had. Or maybe she felt as if she was ignoring the other SB member and he continued to engage in even more contact.

She felt hit on, did not like it, and was trying to get perspective from others. All the mansplaining probably confirmed her worst fears.

 

[Schwob]

Notice that the OP is asking a question of other female users. She is looking for input and perspective from other women on SB about men contacting her. Maybe the contacts by the other member were reminiscent of other bad experiences she has had. Or maybe she felt as if she was ignoring the other SB member and he continued to engage in even more contact.

She felt hit on, did not like it, and was trying to get perspective from others. All the mansplaining probably confirmed her worst fears.

@Dan G
Pardon me, but several of the original inquiries / observations were about the OP in the op publically naming (since cleaned up the person who triggered that (reaction in her. Several of the objejections rightfully (as all else the OP did is OK) focussed on that public outing. Some more flaming some allowing for that there nay or may have been more going on that we may not know. Obviously a public proclamation of "so and so is a creep, because he sent me a inviting me to dive with him" is a bit questionable if not justified by actual "creepdom" - like a second PM persisting after a no.
I object to classifying all here as mansplaining.
Much of it certainly is, probably all the stuff that focusses on the looks of the OP and what all that invites. But certaily not all here posted by men was mansplaining.

Imho, the OP unfortunately chose to retract rather than either saying:
- look, I am right, the guy is a creep, because...
- Or saying:Yeah I should not have posted his name and should have just conveyed my feeling and inquiry about it, just w/o outing the name, because he did indeed offer politeley to go diving together and I declined and that was the end of it... so, I still fetl creeped out about it, but it was wrong to drag his name through the mud, the guy did essentially nothing wrong...
- or anything inbetween.

It sounded in the op that there was just one PM, not a persistance of more. But with what was revealed, we simply do not know.

It could have been that an innocent PM horribly backfired by the PMer's name being dragged through the mud. It could have been that there was more. We don't know. I certainly can see how neither the OP nor the PMer would feel good about any of this.

The way the cards are, with men being the default villans, only the OP could shed credible light on what to really think about the PMer.

Wich, if "the guy" was "not guilty" so to speak sort of sucks for him...

Edit: Well, and the whole thing of course sucks for the OP as well...

Sad thread really.

 

[Anthony A.]

9 pages and still going. OP is mia btw.

 

[bowlofpetunias]

Some of the mansplaining was done by women. Mostly I have seen a lot of people trying to help clear up what may just be a misunderstanding. As a woman, I find hearing it from the man's perspective of value.

As always there are two sides to this story. The one side a woman who was put off by something a man did. The man who may or may not have meant things the way they were interpreted.

When I first started posting on SB I was too thin skinned and protective of others. After a while I came to realize that if you chose to "put yourself out there" you have to accept that it may get uncomfortable on occasion. We don't have the body language and nuances to read.. only printed word. It is so easy to misunderstand intent. The only way to resolve that is to ask what is meant by the words. Sometimes the best way to do that is in a PM. If you aren't comfortable with that REPORT the post or message so the Mods can sort it out.

Frankly I have also come to believe that not everyone should be involved in an internet forum. Some because they are too sensitive and easily offended others because they are too insensitive and love to offend. SB is certainly trying to make this a friendly, polite and respectful place. We can't be everywhere so please REPORT and let us help sort it out. I really do understand the discomfort of being targeted, unfairly accused and stalked. That was before I became staff and the other person wound up banned from SB and another forum for the stalking and threats. Ironic perhaps but my stalker was anther female and I had good reason to fear for my physical safety!

The way I see it. The OP interpreted the Member Liking her post, "following her" and sending her a pm invitation to dive as creepy enough she named him publicly rather than REPORT it or tell him thanks but no thanks in a PM. A Mod removed the name from the original Post because it is impossible to tell if he did anything wrong from the information given. Being named and shamed online is pretty rough unless there is a LOT of evidence of wrong doing. How would you feel if your intentions were misunderstood and you were named in this way?

The thread was started in Basic and moved to Women's Perspective later. She asked for Women's opinions on a topic that involved men so of course both genders are going to feel it is appropriate to respond.

After this thread I imagine the fellow will be reluctantto contact other members which is probably a loss to everyone. from the great experiences I have and others had with people we connected with on SB.

Please note this is my opinion as a SB member I am not posting in this thread as a Moderator. I think there have been some great posters trying to put things into perspective. Thanks for doing so!

 

[w3dge]

Ahhh, the 'mansplaining' makes an appearance. Always makes me laugh that people always jump to that one, inherently sexist, term when trying to combat perceived sexism in others. Way to go!

 

[Dan G]

Ahhh, the 'mansplaining' makes an appearance. Always makes me laugh that people always jump to that one, inherently sexist, term when trying to combat perceived sexism in others. Way to go!

Look at the first 3 replies. 2 out of 3 are men telling her what she should have done differently. Both within an hour of the start of the thread. How about at the very least, the men just follow the discussion for a bit before "fixing" what they see as her problem?

 

[gypsyjim]

Some of the mansplaining was done by women. Mostly I have seen a lot of people trying to help clear up what may just be a misunderstanding. As a woman, I find hearing it from the man's perspective of value.

As always there are two sides to this story. The one side a woman who was put off by something a man did. The man who may or may not have meant things the way they were interpreted.

When I first started posting on SB I was too thin skinned and protective of others. After a while I came to realize that if you chose to "put yourself out there" you have to accept that it may get uncomfortable on occasion. We don't have the body language and nuances to read.. only printed word. It is so easy to misunderstand intent. The only way to resolve that is to ask what is meant by the words. Sometimes the best way to do that is in a PM. If you aren't comfortable with that REPORT the post or message so the Mods can sort it out.

Frankly I have also come to believe that not everyone should be involved in an internet forum. Some because they are too sensitive and easily offended others because they are too insensitive and love to offend. SB is certainly trying to make this a friendly, polite and respectful place. We can't be everywhere so please REPORT and let us help sort it out. I really do understand the discomfort of being targeted, unfairly accused and stalked. That was before I became staff and the other person wound up banned from SB and another forum for the stalking and threats.

The way I see it. The OP interpreted the Member Liking her post, "following her" and sending her a pm invitation to dive as creepy enough she named him publicly rather than REPORT it or tell him thanks but no thanks in a PM. A Mod removed the name from the original Post because it is impossible to tell if he did anything wrong from the information given. Being named and shamed online is pretty rough unless there is a LOT of evidence of wrong doing. How would you feel if your intentions were misunderstood and you were named in this way?

The thread was started in Basic and moved to Women's Perspective later. She asked for Women's opinions on a topic that involved men so of course both genders are going to feel it is appropriate to respond.

After this thread I imagine the fellow will be reluctantto contact other members which is probably a loss to everyone. from the great experiences I have and others had with people we connected with on SB.

Please not this is my opinion as a SB member I am not posting in this thread as a Moderator. I think there have been some great posters trying to put things into perspective. Thanks for doing so!

 

[gypsyjim]

Ahhh, the 'mansplaining' makes an appearance. Always makes me laugh that people always jump to that one, inherently sexist, term when trying to combat perceived sexism in others. Way to go!

Mansplaining is defined as a deliberately degrading and sexist term used to attempt to prevent the use of logic and reason in a discussion where only emotion is welcome!





I see my phone "corrected" my spelling again
Damn phones

 

[diver0008]

All the mansplaining...

Are men's opinions and ideas now of lesser value?

Do we now need to divide and identify opinions and ideas along sexist lines?

It seems to be the more effort put into trying to accuse sexist (racist, islamist, etc.) ideas, the more a reverse and apparently venegeful effect appears.

The projection of malice.

If you look for something hard enough, you will find it. If not, you can just pretend.