I dont think I will ever be OK with dying. It just sucks.
I hope for a peaceful death where I can accept things, but I doubt when the time comes and I stare at the white that I wont reach for the sunglasses. I doubt I will look it in the face and accept it. I will probably fight to the end.
Everyone dies, I watched my father and brother die when I was 18 and know my father died fighting simply from the way the rudder peddals and stick were marked. I watched my grandfather die from alzhiemers. I am convinced that disease is harder on the surviors than the victum. In the last few years of his life, I know he had no idea what was going on, yet we all had to take care of him and watch the deterioration. The "person" died long before his body did.
Because everyone dies, I dont worry about it. Eventually the tank gets to 0psi and there isnt a lot you can do except hold your breath (and that doesnt work for very long).
I also dont tend to worry about making sure I live my life or worry about what other people are going to think of me when Im gone (because I will be dead). I do try to be nice to people (while im alive) because it will make my life easier if we all just hold hands and sing kumbya. Fighting and grudges takes way too much effort.
I keep, for lack of a better term, a bucket list. Things I want to do. The list continually changes, and some items continue to get repeated (like pee in the morning instead of 2AM). Other items are do once and forget the T-Shirt because the preview was better than the movie. My list way to long and some items have been there since I was 4.
At some point, I will die, and that will mean that I have screwed up one of the items on my list. I just want that to be may pages later than the item Im on now.
