OP
First year of marriage really the hardest?
- Thread starter escapeartist
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My wife and I will soon be married 10 years. Marriage is great. Especially when she is my dive buddy.
Oh R...how I've come to love you over the past few hours. You just seem like one awesome dude. Thank you for the personal post. You see, I've come to the same conclusion. I am TERRIFIED of having babies. I love children...as in the kind that talk and laugh....but babies are scary as hell to me. My husband thinks they're great....I think he's delusional. That's one of the reasons I'm insisting we wait a few years. I want to actually get to know him and myself a bit better before the kids. You know, build a strong foundation.
As for something to unload...not particularly. It's just that marriage for me has been a lot of adjusting and ups and downs. Many people say nothing changes after you get married if you've been living together. I disagree. EVERYTHING felt different to me. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change it, I've just felt a bit overwhelmed here and there
Well.... I'm not sure what to say to you. I am by no means an expert.
I guess I can say this...on the subject of babies.... some people love them and some people don't. What I'm absolutely sure about is that you can't prepare for how it will change your life no matter how long you wait. It's good to be sure about the relationship before you go down that road though, so you're right. If the relationship isn't rock solid having children will crack it wide open.... It sounds like you might have some doubts/trepidations about that.
As for feeling overwhelmed about some things... it sounds like there's a deep pool of personal information behind that comment. Are you sure you want to open that up on the forums?
R..
vshearer
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Babies are cool. Tender. Especially with a little soy sauce.
OP
escapeartist
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I honestly think it's all normal stuff...I'm not worried - just curious to how others found the first year. I love, love, love my hubby and wouldn't switch him for anything or anyone, that's for sure. Marriage just takes some adjusting is all. I'm up for it
OP
escapeartist
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PS. I'm pretty sure babies won't terrify me forever
Charlie99
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You should be terrified. You are ALWAYS a parent. It doesn't matter what else you have planned. What else is going on. Whether you are sick and your spouse is out of town on a trip. You can't just park a baby or toddler in the corner and ignore them. It's a big responsibility, one that shouldn't be taken lightly.
OTOH, as a grandparent, I just hand them back to my daughter.
vshearer
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Not true. There is always Nebraska.
Deefstes
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Nice thread escapeartist, and I hope you're getting the sort of answers you were looking for. I think there has been some very good posts here (Teamcasa's for instance).
My wife and I are in our third year of marriage now so I can't really comment on which are the harder years as both of the years we've completed now have been nothing but joy and happiness. One thing that can't be denied is that married life certainly requires some adjustments and sacrifices but we have not experienced any of those to cause too much friction. Two things in particular that seem to be candidates for causing friction is work pressure and money but we've said to each other early on that neither of those are more important to us than our relationship and it's worth reminding ourselves of that decision whenever friction do arise.
As for babies, I'm glad that my wife and I are more or less on the same page. We both would like to have kids on day but we're happy to just enjoy each other for the time being. We're not exactly struggling but we decided that we'd rather first get to grips with the challenges such as two checkbooks becoming one and the bathroom cupboard's soaps, body lotion and make-up bottles population explosion before we take on the challenges of feeding and pacifying Jr. in the middle of the night, changing diapers and cleaning drool (and other fluids) off the lounge suite or car's upholstery.
At any rate, here's wishing you many happily married years.
My wife and I are in our third year of marriage now so I can't really comment on which are the harder years as both of the years we've completed now have been nothing but joy and happiness. One thing that can't be denied is that married life certainly requires some adjustments and sacrifices but we have not experienced any of those to cause too much friction. Two things in particular that seem to be candidates for causing friction is work pressure and money but we've said to each other early on that neither of those are more important to us than our relationship and it's worth reminding ourselves of that decision whenever friction do arise.
As for babies, I'm glad that my wife and I are more or less on the same page. We both would like to have kids on day but we're happy to just enjoy each other for the time being. We're not exactly struggling but we decided that we'd rather first get to grips with the challenges such as two checkbooks becoming one and the bathroom cupboard's soaps, body lotion and make-up bottles population explosion before we take on the challenges of feeding and pacifying Jr. in the middle of the night, changing diapers and cleaning drool (and other fluids) off the lounge suite or car's upholstery.
At any rate, here's wishing you many happily married years.
first marriage lasted 20 yrs. Last 3 were worst by FAR (culminating in divorce but I got the kids so it worked out). I was remarried in Fiji last March and it has been spectacularly easy. Of course it helps that her 2 and my 3 kids like us both and get along very well. Also we are certaily not going to have any more kids (I'm 57 , she is 52) and at this stage finances are no problem so many of a first marriages difficulties are past us. One thing I heard but has not been neccesary this time around is to go into marriage with eyes WIDE OPEN and through marriage with eyes half shut. Kids and finances were certainly the major stressors the first time around. Guys just need to truly believe they are loved, and women the same. That's my 1.5 cents. Good luck. It certaily has not been any work at all this time, but we are only in it 10 months and we both dive
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