First year of marriage really the hardest?

[Lopaka]

Depends I'd say, on how you get to that first year, how old you are, prior experience with relationships, job stress. You get the idea.

I had been married before, and we lived together for 8 months before we got married. Other than the stress from my work travel having me away from home, it was great. But then we were not strangers to cohabiting, so adjusting to each other was not hard.

It depends.............

 

[Hockeynut]

That's the funniest thing I've heard in a long time!!

Hmmm, most people think I'm a jackass.

 

[escapeartist]

LOL...I'm only at the beginning of my sentence!!! In the end though, I wouldn't want to serve it with anyone else.

 

[escapeartist]

Depends I'd say, on how you get to that first year, how old you are, prior experience with relationships, job stress. You get the idea.

I had been married before, and we lived together for 8 months before we got married. Other than the stress from my work travel having me away from home, it was great. But then we were not strangers to cohabiting, so adjusting to each other was not hard.

It depends.............

I'd never really thought of work stress. That would have a huge impact. I know my hubby has been under immense pressure at work and that has boiled over into some fights at home...little things blowing up because of stress. Interesting thought.

 

[Teamcasa]

Okay, so I've been married for six months now and I've been wondering if the first year of marriage is really the hardest. I'd like to hear the opinions of those that have been married for a while. My best friend has been married for five years and, although she's very happy now, their first year was awful. I've heard similar sentiments and I'd be interested in what other people think...especially men compared to women.

Okay....go

I have been happily married for 33 years. The first year, yes it is tough financially and you worry about everything.. It is a strain to find housing, deciding on starting a family, figuring out each other's quirks and faults. Learning and merging your plans for the future, who pays the bills and how much to save.

On the plus side is that you have a partner to help. If you learn nothing from those of us fortunate enough to have a partner for life, learn how to honestly communicate. Talk about everything, share everything and agree not to fear the response. I love my lovely bride and I know she loves me, warts and all.

 

[dpbishop]

I knew a marriage counselor who was going to write a book titled: "Marriage; a lot more fighting and a lot less sex then you ever thought possible"

Of course, people don't go to counselors when the relationship is going great.

Like Dave said, communication is the key.

Contrary to everything you have ever read in romance novels, men can not read the minds of the women they love. If he asks you "whats wrong?" and you reply "Nothing." he just might believe you.

 

[escapeartist]

I have been happily married for 33 years. I love my lovely bride and I know she loves me, warts and all.

Congrats!! That's awesome. Great advice too! Thank you.

I knew a marriage counselor who was going to write a book titled: "Marriage; a lot more fighting and a lot less sex then you ever thought possible"

Like Dave said, communication is the key.

Contrary to everything you have ever read in romance novels, men can not read the minds of the women they love. If he asks you "whats wrong?" and you reply "Nothing." he just might believe you.

LOL to the book title. I agree with the mind reading thing...I have to remember that! VERBAL communication is where it's at!

 

[Diver0001]

Okay, so I've been married for six months now and I've been wondering if the first year of marriage is really the hardest. I'd like to hear the opinions of those that have been married for a while. My best friend has been married for five years and, although she's very happy now, their first year was awful. I've heard similar sentiments and I'd be interested in what other people think...especially men compared to women.

Okay....go

You have something you need to unload, E..?

Personally I found the first "phase" (not sure if it was one year or slightly more or less) of our relationship involved a lot of adjustment for me. Moving to a new country, learning a new language, going through a culture shock, being unemployed..... and getting used to this woman who (quite unlike my ex) wanted to "talk" and wanted me to "listen" and wanted "attention" and even "asked" for it.... :shocked2:.

On both of our parts just living with someone in the same house was a major adjustment. I don't think either of us was really prepared for what the other one had in the way of baggage. I don't know if you can really prepare for that but we weren't, in any case, and it was a real "adventure" going out of the gate...

I mean bloody hell...even just the "talking" and "listening"..... at the time I could do it for, you know, 10 minutes at a time but then I was exhausted and needed to do something else.....

But that wasn't the most difficult bit. The most difficult year of our relationship was the year the first child was born. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind why so many relationships don't survive children. Every romantic idea you ever had about being a parent or being a "family" is just a friggen cruel joke.... Babies BLOW and it takes years before they start to turn into human beings.

Fortunately both my partner and I were able to meet the other 1/2 way on the "talking" and "listening" and "attention" thing and we managed to hammer out a mode of living in the same house that doesn't drive either one of us crazy. The babies turned into children and after that thing started feeling less like a train wreck and more like a family, so it does get easier as you go.

R..

 

[fisheyeview]

Reason # 31,417 not to have kids.

 

[escapeartist]

You have something you need to unload, E..?

But that wasn't the most difficult bit. The most difficult year of our relationship was the year the first child was born. There is absolutely no doubt in my mind why so many relationships don't survive children. Every romantic idea you ever had about being a parent or being a "family" is just a friggen cruel joke.... Babies BLOW and it takes years before they start to turn into human beings.

.....The babies turned into children and after that thing started feeling less like a train wreck and more like a family, so it does get easier as you go.

R..

Oh R...how I've come to love you over the past few hours. You just seem like one awesome dude. Thank you for the personal post. You see, I've come to the same conclusion. I am TERRIFIED of having babies. I love children...as in the kind that talk and laugh....but babies are scary as hell to me. My husband thinks they're great....I think he's delusional. That's one of the reasons I'm insisting we wait a few years. I want to actually get to know him and myself a bit better before the kids. You know, build a strong foundation.

As for something to unload...not particularly. It's just that marriage for me has been a lot of adjusting and ups and downs. Many people say nothing changes after you get married if you've been living together. I disagree. EVERYTHING felt different to me. Don't get me wrong, I wouldn't change it, I've just felt a bit overwhelmed here and there