I'll add in despite my relative inexperience here.
It just sounds like you had a pretty bad day in all aspects. But having dove in HI, Aus, San Diego, and here in Monterey I much prefer Monterey for what I can see reliably. Started out getting cert'd in a 7mm FJ wetsuit, standard BC, overweighted, etc. Once I finished that I just grabbed a 1pc 7mm suit, AL80 tank and figured out my weighting. For me, I was cert'd with 28lbs. Managed to get things figured out and then dove with about 16lbs. Some of it was due to the FJ vs 1pc suit, but proper weighting and comfort in the water helped me. I'm getting everything dialed in again with a drysuit, BP/W and steel 100. But right now I'm looking at 29lbs and having way too much weight again. It's a bit frustrating like everyone says, but to me it's worth it. Especially getting the air out of a DS, definitely adds a bit more complexity to the whole situation.
If you get around to diving again on your own I'm more than happy to either a) go out with both of you and just try to help in general, especially with entry/exit. Or b) let you borrow my tanks or bp/w provided we can work out some sort of arrangement for liability. Just let me know.