Bullied under water
- Thread starter Tritonette
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Tritonette, why don't you start your own dive group with a few of the buddies you like to dive with? Select a date and be the coordinator. Tell them the reason why you're doing this (so they don't inadvertently invite your BIL). Then pick a day to dive (bring hubby along too just in case). Let them know you would like their support in all of this... To dive peacefully without the threat of being bullied, pulled around, slapped, or yelled at. I would think they would understand unless they're all BIL sheep with the same mentality.
If BIL shows up, let him know he's not welcome to dive with you anymore and ask your buddies to back you up.
If BIL shows up, let him know he's not welcome to dive with you anymore and ask your buddies to back you up.
Don't move this, it's not a womens' issue.
The general issue is dealing with another diver, esp. a more established diver, with aggressive or otherwise inappropriate behavior. The problem would be no easier and much more embarassing if the sex roles were reversed, and in fact the roles of victim & aggressor have no need whatsoever to be persons of different sexes.
Rich Keller
Contributor
I agree, I would leave this discussion in the basic section.
maderadiver
Contributor
I agree female bullys are the worst. Because all bullys are cowards but a male bully you stand up to them and its over with female bullys you can not be aggressive back or it appears your the one being agressive
I call BS on that. You don't have to be aggressive to stop any bully....passive aggressive works great. Flatten their tires, leave burning bags of poop on their doorstep and if that doesn't work, put icy hot in the crotch of their wetsuit. Just make sure that they know it was you. If you make things painfully enough for someone they will leave u alone. I usually just assault the bully with extreme prejudice...works well for me.
While the roles of victim and aggressor have no need to be persons of different sexes; they usually are. Asserting that this type of behavior flows evenly in both directions may make us feel better but its not true.
IMO, this thread belongs where the OP wants it. That said, I'll play devils advocate.
One reason to place this discussion on the women's forum, is to increase the likelihood that it will get thoughtful and helpful responses. Many women have recent experience in dealing with unwanted physical attention. I know many men think they have this experience, but most often they've simply seen someone touch their gear; and are feeling VIOLATED.
There are a few too many macho insights in this thread that aren't really helpful. They amount to 1) Bully back or escalate this cluster (stupid and you might want to stop using that low-T gel); 2) If someone did that too my wife (we get it, you're a big strong man who will take care of your woman); or 3) Don't be bullied (sadly I couldn't find the steaming turd icon).
Sorry to the awesome guys who posted great responses. And those of you with first hand experience on the bullied side of things. You all are just the exception that proves the rule today.
---------- Post added January 6th, 2014 at 08:31 PM ----------
If you are being aggressive back...then you are being aggressive.
maderadiver
Contributor
Even passive agressive can be fliped on you if the womans crafty enough
Guys on the other hand call them out . Fight if you have to win or lose its not gonna continue on so simple
---------- Post added January 6th, 2014 at 08:44 PM ----------
So what's your plan then talk it out .
Diving4ever, my response was really just a long winded version of saying, bullies bully because they get away with it. Don't allow yourself to be a victim, and you won't be bullied. Bully's prey on the weak and timid, not on the strong and spunky. It's not rhetoric when it's a proven fact. And I don't believe it is at all unhelpful
Adult Bullying
From the link:
One would think that as people mature and progress through life, that they would stop behaviors of their youth. Unfortunately, this is not always the case. Sadly, adults can be bullies, just as children and teenagers can be bullies. While adults are more likely to use verbal bullying as opposed to physical bullying, the fact of the matter is that adult bullying exists. The goal of an adult bully is to gain power over another person, and make himself or herself the dominant adult. They try to humiliate victims, and "show them who is boss."
From the link:
One would think that as people mature and progress through life, that they would stop behaviors of their youth. Unfortunately, this is not always the case. Sadly, adults can be bullies, just as children and teenagers can be bullies. While adults are more likely to use verbal bullying as opposed to physical bullying, the fact of the matter is that adult bullying exists. The goal of an adult bully is to gain power over another person, and make himself or herself the dominant adult. They try to humiliate victims, and "show them who is boss."
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