Blowing off Steam

[MaxBottomtime]

I was at a hamburger place a month ago. As I approached the outer door two young girls from Australia got there first and held the door open for me. I said thank you and then held the inner door for them. We all got a laugh out of it.

 

[Lorenzoid]

. . .
This is a generational change. Growing up in the south, it was imperative that you showed extra politeness towards women. That meant opening doors, pulling out chairs, ladies first, and all that. While this is still true in many regions . . . .

It remains alive and well here, and people apparently think nothing of it. As I mentioned upthread, I didn't grow up here, and it was different where I came from.

 

[uncfnp]

It remains alive and well here, and people apparently think nothing of it. As I mentioned upthread, I didn't grow up here, and it was different where I came from.

If you think the South is polite now you should have seen it in your youth. Even we are not as we were.

 

[CathyE]

I popped in to a Timmies for a coffee this morning.
An older gentleman was nearing the door at the same time as me, he slowed so that I was a little ahead. He then opened the door, nodded his head and smiled. I smiled back and went through the open door. I opened the inner door and held it open for him but went through first. He was of a generation that I didn't think he would go through before me. That is okay, if he was younger I likely would have held the door open for him to go through first.

 

[lowflyer]

so if you aren't the diver's buddy, the DM, or the guide, it's probably best to keep your distance unless something is unsafe.

If you change the way you talk and act around women than how you behave around only other men, you aren't showing more respect, you are disrespecting them because you are saying they are different and shouldn't be treated equally.

OMG!
I guess I can't even offer to help the example of the woman who fell in the surf and is getting battered by the waves. She will be offended. Of course, now I am treating the woman differently than a man because I would go to help him.

The world is getting too complicated for this older guy

 

[Hoag]

I popped in to a Timmies for a coffee this morning.

As did roughly 35 million other Canadians.

 

[Lorenzoid]

OMG!
I guess I can't even offer to help the example of the woman who fell in the surf and is getting battered by the waves.

What? Now we're talking about battered women?

 

[Hoag]

I am a 59 year old man. That means that I grew up in the 60s & 70s. I was raised to open doors for a lady, offer my seat on the bus/subway if I see a lady standing, call her "ma'am" if I don't know her, and to walk on the outside of the sidewalk (nearest the road). None of this was done because of some perceived weakness by the woman. It was what I was taught is common courtesy. I treat the elderly with the same respect and hold doors for them or offer them my seat. Again, it is simply a matter of courtesy and respect.

Recently, I was walking into the mall and as I went through the door, I saw someone coming behind me. I hesitated a few seconds and continued to hold the door for her as she followed behind me. Once inside (and out of the rain) she began to berate me asking "Do I look like I am not able to get the door for myself? Do you think I am too weak and that I need your help? What do you think would happen if you weren't here, do you think that I would just wait for somebody to get the door for me?"

I honestly no longer know how what I have always thought of as a common courtesy, or a simple sign of respect, will be viewed as an act of chauvinism. I will probably continue to do things the way I was brought up and hope that someday I will grow old enough that someone offers me their seat. If I am able, I will thank them and gratefully decline, otherwise, I will thank them and gratefully accept.

**Edited to correct a spelling error.

 

[chillyinCanada]

Wow, you certainly didn't deserve that Hoag! I'd have been gushing gratefully as I always do when folks hold an elevator for me.

 

[kmarks]

OMG!
I guess I can't even offer to help the example of the woman who fell in the surf and is getting battered by the waves. She will be offended. Of course, now I am treating the woman differently than a man because I would go to help him.

The world is getting too complicated for this older guy

I think you and I can agree that "fell in the surf and is getting battered by the waves" is probably an unsafe situation. The situation I'm talking about is the woman who is confidently and surefootedly walking out into the water and you come running up and lift her tanks for her because you are worried she might hurt herself.

I am a 59 year old man. That means that I grew up in the 60s & 70s. I was raised to open doors for a lady, offer my seat on the bus/subway if I see a lady standing, call her "ma'am" if I don't know her, and to walk on the outside of the sidewalk (nearest the road). None of this was done because of some perceived weakness by the woman. It was what I was taught is common courtesy. I treat the elderly with the same respect and hold doors for them or offer them my seat. Again, it is simply a matter of courtesy and respect.

Recently, I was walking into the mall and as I went through the door, I saw someone coming behind me. I hesitated a few seconds and continued to hold the door for her as she followed behind me. Once inside (and out of the rain) she began to berate me asking "Do I look like I am not able to get the door for myself? Do you think I am too weak and that I need your help? What to you think would happen if you weren't here, do you think that I would just wait for somebody to get the door for me?"

I honestly no longer know how what I have always thought of as a common courtesy, or a simple sign of respect, will be viewed as an act of chauvinism. I will probably continue to do things the way I was brought up and hope that someday I will grow old enough that someone offers me their seat. If I am able, I will thank them and gratefully decline, otherwise, I will thank them and gratefully accept.

That's just rude and unnecessary on her part.

I'm not saying I go slamming doors in people faces or laughing at them when they fall down. I'm not some kind of jerk. If somebody is going in the door behind me, I'll gladly hold it and smile. I'll hold an elevator for somebody. I'll open a door for somebody in a wheel chair or on crutches or in some other way encumbered. But I find it patronizing when a man runs up ahead of an able bodied woman, opens the door, doffs his cap, bows and offers a "Ma'am" so that he can show her "courtesy and respect."