Wife Is nervous diving

[webjr]

It seems like she feels out of control the whole time we are down her arms are moving trying to control herself instead of relaxing.

Do you have a local site with a shallow platform? Or someplace shallow (20ft) with a flat bottom? Here's a fun game I play with students. Cross arms to keep from using hands. Swim across the platform doing figure 8's, getting tighter and tighter every pass. Two vertical poles close together work good for that also. Next try swimming back and forth across platform doing barrel rolls (right and left). Next try it doing summer salts. And finally doing cart wheels. Its not real hard, and realy gives the students a good idea just how much they can realy do with just fins. And underwater cart wheels are fun! Good fin work can take alot of practice and anything you can do to make it fun helps.

 

[h2odragon1]

Sounds like my wife.
It took her a few years to get her cert., and each year our first 'dive' is usually 6 ft. for 6-10 minutes. The 'next dive' is about the same. Subsequent dive trips are actually dives!, but only 20-25 ffw for 10-15 min. It takes her a while to warm up.

 

[Walter]

How close are you to Muncie? I know a really great instructor in Muncie.

 

[Jupiter31]

My wife and I got our OW certs in June and my wife did have some issues with getting comfortable during our certifications. After that we went to Key largo and made some did a few dives with some Encouragement and patience she made it thought the vacation and had a great time. Since then we have tried to dive here at home a couple times in Indiana and she just seems really hard for her to get comfortable with it and enjoy herself.

She says she wants to do it and she likes it. Does anyone have any ideas on how to get her to relax a little?

FWIW, I always tell new divers that diving is a process - and that divers are made, not born - there are very few naturals (not that folks who are new don't love it, just that there is a skill set to master - in over 30 years diving, I have yest to see a real new diver w/ excellent air management, boyancy, comfortability, et al).

Frankly, I hated diving for the 1st couple of years (and my wife hated it more) - times I wonder why we did not take up golf, or flying.....

What happened was we went to St Thomas, dove for a week w/ a great op and had some of the best one on one service and assistance possible - then we dove a lot - admittedly, easier (and the diving far better) in S. FL vs Indiana (We were certified and dove for the 1st 2 years in IL, right next door).

Maybe your wife will be a "warm water diver" - lets face it; much easier to jump over in FL, Cozumel, Bonaire, Cayman, etc than some cold, dark quarry in the Midwest.

However.....before she throws in the regulator, I would urge her to get back w/ her instructor, and do an in depth (pun intended) skill review. If you otherwise like the instructor, and he/she wants to be paid for the time, do it - but I'd explain things first.

Then, I'd ask for the name of a good, patient, mature dive master to do a few local dives - with the DM as your wifes buddy. Get her agreement in advance that she is going to really give it her best shot - if not you are wasting her time and $$$. Still, its cheaper than a week in Little Cayman

If after a skills review, 6 - 10 dives w/ a DM, she just does not like it, or is still uncomfortable - you have your answer.

If money and time are not issues, there are many places (Key Largo, Grand Cayman, Cozumel, Roatan, aswell as 100 others) where you can spend a week and get great diving and some personalized attention. But try the local option 1st.

 

[jtpwils]

You have some real good advice already.

It sounds like you and your wife have always dove together. Like others have said, it may be that she's uncomfortable and wants to work it out for herself or for you. The crux of the issue is that she may be doing it for you and not saying so, which nobody, including you want.

Here's an idea to help you figure out the answer:
As mentioned try and find some other male and female buddies to dive with (preferably not another couple). After you've both been with these folks a couple times, plan a dive with one of these buddies when you know she's busy with something else she enjoys doing without you. Come home and tell her how you had a good time but don't go wild over the day. DO NOT tell her how much you missed her, and make sure you ask her about her day; hopefully she'll have had something fun to do that day. If possible do this a couple times. Then switch it around - see if you could have one of the other female buddies invite her or the two of you along for a dive. Only this time you be busy.

This sounds like a lot, but it will solve several things and you may have your answer sooner rather than later by how she reacts to each of these situations, she may simply tell you diving is not for her. This will work because
1.) She'll see you enjoy diving without her and that will lessen any anxiety she may have about quitting and thinking she let you down.
2.) She'll have the opportunity to dive alone and you'll find out if her motivation is to do it for you or for herself.
2.) She'll be out having fun while you're out having fun and it may just convince her that diving simply isn't her idea of fun.

 

[Web Monkey]

She says she wants to do it and she likes it. Does anyone have any ideas on how to get her to relax a little?

The answer may be that she just doesn't like diving, and shouldn't do it.

Of course she "wants" to dive. You dive, and if she doesn't, it means she loses you for big chunks of your (shared) vacations. This doesn't mean she's happy about it or actually enjoys her time underwater.

What's really important isn't that she wants to dive, it's why she wants to dive.

I'd suggest finding a buddy with a non-diving wife, and taking trips together (all four of you). I'm willing to bet that you and your buddy will happily go diving, and the wives will go snorkeling and shopping, and everybody will be very happy when you meet for lunch or dinner.

Terry

 

[Damselfish]

It seems like she feels out of control the whole time we are down her arms are moving trying to control herself instead of relaxing.

So sounds like her buoyancy control isn't there, weighting maybe off, usual stuff in in new divers. But hard to say if she can't relax because she can't control herself, or she can't control herself partly because she can't relax. Finding someone to work with her on that specifically might be helpful if it's more the first, or perhaps something structured like the peak performance buoyancy class.

 

[spectrum]

She says she wants to do it and she likes it. Does anyone have any ideas on how to get her to relax a little?

If she was marginally comfortable in warm water then I'm not surprised to hear that she is having a hard time in your local waters. Warm water is one thing. Add the heavier suits and weight along with the limited visibility even on your best day and until she's comfortable and capable she will have a real hard time having any fun.

I don't know that comfort is a requirement for certification but she should have been competent and able to function. Diving is an adaptation and many divers need some extra time to get comfortable with the whole thing. Until that happens they are diving on pins and needles in a very narrow comfort zone.

Do you know if she has carried with her any skills that brought on anxiety? Things like clearing her mask? Has she done much skin-diving to get her really comfortable with sustained oral breathing? If any of this is going on then it's important for her to step back and put those demons to bed. Get into a pool or a shallow sandy bottom beach and spend some time playing. I'll assume that she demonstrated the skills to earn her certification. Nothing says she can't just get in the water and challenge herself in her comfort zone until she gets bored. Getting into the water without the pressure of making a dive could make a big difference.

Are her weights correct in amount and placement? Some divers find weight to be a security blanket and that just makes settling down impossible.

The other thing to look at is her gear. Is she comfortable in it? Does it fit her well? Is she using a cylinder appropriate for her size? There are a lot of things that can make gearing up stressful.

As you get comfortable that she is in the right gear and is getting comfortable do what you can to expose her to what good diving looks like. Many divers lack the reference from which to visualize graceful diving let alone execute it.

If you are lucky enough to have a local mentor that can join you from time to time take advantage of that. (S)he may spot something you both missed. Also your wife will listen to a 3rd party differently, even if you are saying the same words.

Consider diving when other divers are in the water. Sometimes that aids in the comfort level. Knowing that others are around just in case. It also makes the activity feel more mainstream.

You state that she says she wants to do this and I have no reason to believe this is not true. I know from experience that it took my wife a while to get comfortable. This is her 5th season diving. Along the way she had perception, skill and gear issues to work out. Each one has broadened her comfort zone. This is her 5th year diving and she has been taking in stride some challenges that would have been unnerving a few years ago. I think she loves diving almost as much as I do but her road to fully enjoying it was a unique one just as your wife's will be.

Be patient and supportive. Keep an eye on what is and is not working for her. Make her part of deciding when, where, how deep, how long and so forth. Be prepared to abort some dives it she is not feeling right about it. Keep the dives simple and low pressure. She will let you know when she's ready for adventure.

You should be prepared for the day(s) when she says that diving just isn't for her. Meanwhile be the best buddy you can be as she seeks her zen.

Pete

 

[jlyfsh]

I'm just like your wife and like Pete says you've gotten the best advice. I've been trying to get comfortable for many years. I even have 3 "C" cards, LOL- I guess I'm just a little claustrophobic and probably not a great swimmer, but I keep trying. I only dive with my husband or someone I really trust. If I want to go back, I go back and no one ever bugs me for calling my dive. One thing that has helped is putting my gear on in the water. I have to have a lot of weight and it's nearly impossible to get off a rocking boat with it. Now I put on my mask & fins and someone drops my gear with the pack inflated. I like the idea of getting in the water with no gear or something else to do, like snorkeling for a bit. I've gone scalloping for an hour and wanted to put on my dive gear so I could venture further. As a woman and a scardy cat I do real well when my sweetie is there for me and no pressure

 

[wausman]

Well I want to thank everyone for alot of Great idea's. Me and my wife have been reading through them and I believe we have alot of things to try to hopefully help her out.