Things you will never hear a Southerner say...

[medic_diver45]

You might be a redneck if you've had one of your nipples bitten off by a beaver......

 

[H2Andy]

you might be a redneck if

--a tornado does $40,000 worth of improvements to your property

--you consider a stripped V-8 engine lawn furniture

--your dad walks you to school every day cause he's still in the same grade you are

 

[jonnythan]

It's funny cause it's true.

 

[Tom Smedley]

Actually - the phrase is "Hey, hold my beer and watch this."

The worst thing you can ever hear a southerner say is "Hey Y'all, Watch This! ....."


It's not so much heaving them say that which is bad... it's what's bound to happen after he says it. After a few times, you'll self-react to just cringe of the possibilities of what will happen when you hear those words.

 

[mike_s]

how about this.


What do a Redneck Divorce and a Tornado have in common?

Either way, someone's about to loose their mobile home!

 

[H2Andy]

some of Jeff's old timers:

you might be a redneck if:

--your front porch collapses and 6 dogs die
--you go to your family reunion looking for a date
--you think the last words to the Star Spangled Banner are "Gentlemen, start your engines"
--you've been blacklisted by at least one bowling alley
--you think a "hard drive" is driving more than an hour
--your best sofa came out of a Chevrolet
--you dated your daddy's current wife in high school
--all of your honeymoon plans involve a deer camp
--you have committed at least one crime involving a lawn mower

 

[downunderjenn]

You might be a redneck if:

and I'll get in trouble for this,
if you think Bush is an honest good ole' boy just like you

 

[BabyDuck]

hmm...

i'll have mine rare, please

robert e lee was a sucky general who never should have ordered pickett's charge

french wine is all about terroire unlike fruit-forward us, chilean, or australian wines

i've never even been inside a trailer

i just love that really crusty french bread

i've never been to an air show

what's that flag with the x across it with stars inside?


things that let you know someone IS southern -

that's a good looking crop of corn, but it's starting to need some rain - look, the leaves are getting pointy

jeatyet? yonto? a-ite.

any reference to 'the late unpleasantness' or 'the war of northern aggression'

 

[downunderjenn]

my mom told me this one:

You're a yankee if
you're in Virginia and you want to know where that Confederate museum place is.
It's properly the Museum of the Confederacy, and you're likely to get shot if you refer to them as Confederates.

 

[jfoutz]

Things you will never hear a Southerner say...

We’re vegetarians.

HEY, I’m a vegetarian. And I’m, uh…. oh… the only one I know…

--
You might be Southern if you know the grammatical difference between “y’all” and “all y’all.”