Things you will never hear a Southerner say...

[GrierHPharmD]

Things you will never hear a Southerner say...

I’ll take Shakespeare for 1000, Alex.

Duct tape won’t fix that.

Lisa Marie was lucky to catch Michael.

Come to think of it I’ll have a Heineken’s.

We don’t keep firearms in this house.

Has anybody seen the sideburn trimmer?

You can’t feed that to the dog.

I thought Graceland was tacky.

No kids in the back of the pick-up, it’s not safe.

Wrasslin’s fake.

Honey, did you mail that donation to Greenpeace?

We’re vegetarians.

Do you think my hair is too big?

I’ll have grapefruit instead of biscuits and gravy.

Honey, these bonsai trees need watering?

Who’s Richard Petty?

Give me the small bag of pork rinds.

Deer heads detract from the decor.

Spitting is such a nasty habit.

I just couldn’t find a thing at Wal-Mart today.

Trim the fat off that steak.

Cappuccino tastes better than espresso.

The tires on that truck are too big.

I’ll have the arugula and radicchio salad.

I’ve got it all on a floppy disk.

Unsweetened tea tastes better.

Would you like your fish poached or broiled?

My fiancee, Paula Jo, is registered at Tiffany’s.

I’ve got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.

Little Debbie snack cakes have too many fat grams.

Checkmate.

She’s too old to be wearing that bikini.

Does the salad bar have bean sprouts?

Hey, here’s an episode of "Hee Haw" that we haven’t seen.

I don’t have a favorite college team.

Be sure to bring my salad dressing on the side.

I believe you cooked those green beans too long.

Those shorts ought to be a little longer, Darla.

Elvis who?

 

[baitedstorm]

:laughing:

 

[mike_s]

The worst thing you can ever hear a southerner say is "Hey Y'all, Watch This! ....."


It's not so much heaving them say that which is bad... it's what's bound to happen after he says it. After a few times, you'll self-react to just cringe of the possibilities of what will happen when you hear those words.

 

[Tanked]

Don't forget this one.

"Nascar is soooo boring"

 

[TwoTanks]

Things you will never hear a Southerner say...

I’ve got two cases of Zima for the Super Bowl.

I hope I never hear anyone say that.

TT :11:

 

[Mrs.Prages]

I was at a fourth of July party, with some friends - Now I live in WV so it may not be Southern, but Redneck and Southern are often interchangeable - and I heard the words "Hey Ya'll watch this..." come from one of my friends, now this girls is probably 5'7" and about 95lbs after you factor in the height of her hair and the extra poundage from the hairspray. She is holding in One hand a bottle rocket and in the other hand she is holding a lighter, (did I mention the large amounts of flammable hairspray she has in her hair - Some of you may see where I'm headed with this!)

Suffice it to say that A lot of drinking had been going on and her husband ended up with a scorched shirt. but she had real good aim!

I left soon after that, but I heard that the bottle rocket target practice continued and only one car was damaged and no animals were harmed in the mayhem, not even the redneck variety!

 

[mike_s]

Don't forget this one.

"Nascar is soooo boring"

I'm beginning to think it's becoming like Professional Wrestling (or Wrestlin' as it's pronounced here).

It seems that NASCAR is almost becoming scripted. Especially since the "officials" at Nascar seem to fine them if they say something bad or even lord forbid say a "curse" word.

It's all about TV coverage now and selling an "image" and advertising.

one of the reasons I don't like going to pro football games anymore. In every spare second between plays, they play ad's on the "jumbo-tron" instead of replaying the last play again. It's gotten so they do so much hype and advertising that it's irrating to sit there while you came to watch the game.

 

[skeet]

Got tow mawty, ya'll been watchin that there Foxworthy show gin, gota go wraslin comin on you hear.

 

[mike_s]

Got tow mawty, ya'll been watchin that there Foxworthy show gin, gota go wraslin comin on you hear.

My favorite Jeff Foxworthy line was... "You might be a Redneck if..... You're grandma keeps a spit cup on the ironing board".

ALso like...... "you might be a Redneck if..... Anyone in your family has a monogram'd minnow bucket".

 

[DennisS]

I'll have coffee, eggs, bacon, toast and hash brown potatoes.

I'll have a Jack Daniels and water.